Why they always call me when difficult child is in trouble? Futile worry over difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SuZir, Sep 20, 2012.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I mean, if he is in the hospital, I would like to know. Or if something very serious happens. Or even some general trends with him etc. I like to be informed. But difficult child lives three hours from me. He is an adult. What I'm suppose to do for his everyday hassles? Or even every month hassles?

    I just spent half an hour in phone with my difficult child's girlfriend and tried to calm her down. So this time this is on her. But if I hadn't called difficult child's coach to get a better picture of the situation, I'm sure he would had called me. difficult child has had tough time lately in several ways and today he was not happy with his performance and had a small meltdown. Apparently nothing too serious but his positional coach sent him running to cool off two hours ago. It should had taken him half an hour. The problem is, that he has not got back. It is already quite late here, dark and rainy. Miserable weather. Apparently lights on the route he went to have been turned off hour ago. So if he is somewhere there he is alone in the dark forest. Anyway the trail is surrounded by lived area and/or roads with lights. He is not lost in any wilderness. difficult child's phone and keys are in the locker room, so are his street clothes and wallet.

    His coaches called his girlfriend to make sure he has not just went home in the huff. They also apparently called friends and team mates to ask if anyone has seen him. No one has and they left to check a route and look for him. Okay, I'm happy they are going to look. And there is reason to worry, if he is not found in next few hours. And I would want them to call in that case. But right now there are too likely scenarios. Either difficult child has been so angry, he has went somewhere else than to the route and will turn up somewhere later. Or he has done as told, but been so upset he has stopped somewhere on the way to think and has forgotten that lights go out in certain time. And after he has found himself in dark, he has probably either stayed put angry to the whole world and knowing someone will come looking or if he has been close to some road/lived area walked there and is walking back by much longer route. Of course there is a possibility that he has hurt himself and is actually in need for help, but that is not too likely.

    And more than anything, just now I wouldn't need to know he is missing. I can't do anything for the matter. Except keep my phone on, because if he has found himself somewhere farther away and found someone to borrow a phone to make a call for help getting a ride, my number is the likeliest one for him to remember (no one remembers phone numbers any more like in the old days.) But I always do keep it on anyway. So here I am, sitting, waiting, being worried while I should be soundly sleeping because I have an early morning tomorrow. But it is not like I can sleep before he is found. And while I do know there is probably no reason to worry, I think you can all guess that it is not that easy...

    I'm frustrated and I don't know for whom mostly. For difficult child because he always has to create some drama. His girlfriend who is beside herself of worry, everyone who always feel to need to call me to inform me about difficult child's drama or simply for the world that I have a kid like this. Just futile frustration and worry and no sleep any time soon. :sigh:
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2012
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I would've wanted to know, and probably IF (remote chance) something did happen to him and they didn't notify you he'd been missing......you'd probably have been upset. They're covering their seat ends.

    I hope he gets home safe and sound and it's all this worrying for nothing. I also hope he thinks to call you when he does so you're not up all night.

  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I would want to know if they really do start to consider him missing. Right now they are just checking the trail, there he should be. If they do not find him, I do start to worry. It is not too warm around here any more, little over 40 F. And he is wet and it is windy. If he has for example hurt his leg and is not able to walk, he is in trouble if he is not found soon enough. But then again, he is a big guy in the top shape, not a child or elderly.

    When he is found I will be informed. He may not think to call or his girlfriend, but his coaches certainly will. His positional coach promised to call me after they have checked the trail even if he is not there. No word yet, though.
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    He really is missing! And I just begun to worry in earnest.

    Forget about being peeved about calling too early. It turned out they couldn't find him from the trail. They did check all of it (two different routes little over 5 miles combined) and no trace of difficult child. They are calling and waking up his team mates and other people to drive around streets to look for him and they are beginning to check bars etc. that are open to make sure he is not somewhere like that. Girlfriend is calling all the friends through again. They also called cops who informed local taxis to alert if they see him. It is middle of the Thursday-Friday night here so not many are outside any more. If he is not found in two hours police will start looking for him for real and alert search and rescue and helicopter with thermal camera.

    Right now the likeliest thing is, that he is either trying to get out of the woods (and may be lost and walking in circles, it is difficult to walk straight in dark forest, when there are no stars to look at) or he has found his way out from there, but not back to the arena yet. And either haven't met anyone to ask help (as I said, not many outside at this time of the night) or hasn't been smart enough to ask help. But there is a risk that he has for example fell in the dark and hurt himself. And in that case he needs to be found before morning.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That's part of why they called you early... and I'd be in total knots, too.

    I hope they find him soon. We've told our kids to never hit the trail without their cell phones. They walk, run, hike, bike, go shopping, do everything except swim with their cell phone. Just in case... because we are NOT out of range, even if they are 5 miles out of town. (in some parts, there is no connection from any one particular cell provider... but all of them carry each others' 911 calls... so, lost or hurt, you can ALWAYS call)
  6. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I hope that they find him very soon. I would be a wreck. Sending good thoughts.
  7. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    He has been found! Safe and sound! Thank God!


    He had been sulking by the trail, had forgotten about the lights off time and when he found himself in the dark he had tried to find out of the woods. It had taken some time and when he finally found a road, he didn't know where he was. And because he was cold he had just decided to jog to other direction and hope he would find his way back to town. Unfortunately it was a wrong direction. He got that later and turned back, but then he was ten miles away from the town. He was still over five miles away when he was found (by the team mate.) And no, it hadn't come to his mind to try knocking some doors to get help. Or that people would worry. He was very surprised that every one was called out of their beds to look for him. I talked with him shortly and he is fine. Just cold and tired. And by now he is already in warm sauna to help warm him up. Tomorrow he is likely in for the a** kicking that will make him unable to sit for month, but he kind of deserves that.

    And yeah, I'm a wreck. Shaking on the after effects of adrenaline. Not much point to go to bed. I have to be up in two hours and there is no way I'm able to get sleep. But I don't care. A fool son of mine is safe and only that matters.
  8. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I hope your son is found soon. Please keep us informed.
  9. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Glad he was found! He has years to mature. Mine are 26 y.o. and are still cooking.
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    OH man how nerve wracking. I hope he is ok.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Glad he was found unharmed. I know that is a load off your mind. :)

    You do realize that it is simply not in a male's genetic code to stop and ask for directions, right? lol
  12. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    New day, no sleep and fresh outlook to last night. :bloodshot::coffee2:

    I don't know if I should be frustrated or amused. Neither did difficult child's positional coach I talked with few minutes ago. Leave it to difficult child to make a total mess out of things without even doing anything actually wrong. :rolleyes:

    I mean, he really didn't. He went to cool off his feelings as he was told. This track he went to is meant for jogging at summer and cross country skiing at winter. There are lights but they are turned off for the night to save energy. If difficult child would had thought about it, he probably would had remembered. But maybe not what time they go off. And anyway, he didn't have a watch. And he was upset so he stopped middle of the way to sit and think. And when the lights went off, he first tried to follow the track, but because of the darkness and bad weather he got lost. He did know he was in the relatively small wooded area surrounded by roads and houses so just trying to get to some road and trying to find his way back from there was not a bad idea. And he didn't know the road he ended up so ending up going to wrong direction was just bad luck. And he hadn't actually seen anyone he could had asked directions. And when he was found he was already getting back to right direction and would had been home in hour or two. So he actually didn't really even screw up or do anything wrong.

    But because he is difficult child it of course ended up with all his team mates, team staff and management and about everyone else coaches could think of waken up middle of the night, forced out of their beds and driving around trying to find him. He was unpopular before, you can bet this didn't make him more popular at all. But they had no other option than start searching. While what happened was the likeliest scenario, they had to make sure and quickly because there was an option that he would had hurt himself and been immobile. And weather being what it was hypothermia would had been a real risk even though he is big and strong. But being wet in the cold and windy weather and not being able to move gets you cold quickly so waiting the morning wouldn't had been an option. And they of course needed to check the roads before police would had alerted search and rescue and their search dogs and request border patrol with their helicopter with thermal camera to help. It isn't a big city and doesn't have too many police patrols in weekday night sift. And neither there is that many taxis driving around (taxis tend to help police around here with informing them if they see a person police has told them is missing. There are more taxis than police so they are likelier to spot someone who is wandering around in the streets.) And they had to search all the roads in quite a big area because no one of course knew which side of the woods difficult child would likely come out. So they absolutely needed to wake up everyone and get many people driving around. But that doesn't make too happy campers out of them. So no idea if they ever let difficult child live this down.

    GM of the team did suggest that they would borrow a GPS tracking collar they use for hunting dogs and padlock it to difficult child's neck. Captain of team thinks they should simply keep difficult child on leash rest of the year. The coach I talked with reminisced how he once, when still young and stupid and a active player, ended up missing for few days over a drinking bender. In the tournament in Russia, in early nineties, when that country was even more in havoc than it is now. (Looks like this positional coach has his own difficult child past, may be a reason he seems to like mine.) So I probably should be grateful difficult child only got lost near home and while jogging and not in foreign, unsafe country while barhopping. Or something.

    difficult child was allowed to skip morning practises and sleep in. I have to call him before the afternoon practises and suggest that he behaves in very contrite manner. Yeah, he didn't actually do anything wrong, but he did cause a lot of discomfort for everyone and he should be sorry. These are the things difficult child never seems to get and that do aggravate others. It really is not a right time for him to start to argue that this was not his fault. If he has enough sense to be apologetic and take what they do dish out on him, this will just be a funny anecdote they tell in few months. But it can also turn ugly if difficult child doesn't understand to show remorse.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im glad he was found safe and sound. This reminds me of how when Cory was in group homes they used to call me every time he went missing for an hour or two. Like I knew where he was! He wasnt even in the same city as I was...lol. My first question was always "does he have some girl he is interested in at the moment?" If the answer was either yes or we arent sure, I told them to give him until dark or dinner and I was sure he would show up. He was probably out hanging with some girl. I was always right.
  14. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I'm glad it turn out as it did. It is nerve wracking when you can't do anything but sit and worry.
  15. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Ditto what has already been said.
  16. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I of course am also very relieved he is okay. Anything else is simply unthinkable. He is my baby after all.

    I talked with him again tonight and he told others have mainly made fun of him. That is a good thing, I think. And not only me had told him to act remorseful, also his mental coach had called him and told the same, so did one of his coaches. I hope he did listen to us and do as he was told. It doesn't matter he wasn't actually doing so much wrong. It matters others were inconvenienced because of him.

    And I'm beyond tired. It's almost 40 hours from then I last slept. I hope I can get to sleep tonight.
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I hope you can sleep, too... if it were me, it would take a couple of nights to relax enough to get a good sleep... seems like adrenalin is really slow to burn off sometimes!