Why were we

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, May 3, 2009.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    looking forward to the weekend? That's what husband and I were asking ourselves today. Both kids really were off today. easy child was actually worse than difficult child,

    easy child had promised to pick up the dog doo if we let her hang out at the mall on Friday night. Today I told her she needed to have it picked up by 11:00. I asked her at 11:10 why it wasn't done. At 12:00 I told her she needed to get up and do her job so I could mow the lawn. She refused. I told her it wasn't a choice. She started screaming when I told her that I wasn't going to let her rest until she did it. She threw a huge tantrum and tried to get physical with me. husband and easy child got home from the movie and easy child was still throwing a fit but eventually went out and did a half *** job but I didn't say anything.

    Next thing difficult child is pestering husband non stop so we decided to take a break and try to rest. All of a sudden both kids are going at it easy child is being so emotionally abusive to difficult child (not that he was innocent either). husband had to go out and he wasn't happy. When easy child gets going she just can't stop. It was just horrible and difficult child wasn't helping manners any.

    After all was said and done husband walked in to our room and said he just couldn't take it anymore. He actually had tears in his eyes. So did I. He said some nights he goes to bed and just prays he won't wake up. This was very sad. I told husband I didn't want to separate but maybe we would have to and each take one kid. He said no the problem isn't us it's them (which is true). I don't believe we actually would but today we were just so worn out.

    We ended up going to the health club and getting in a good work out and we both felt better afterwords. easy child's mood has improved slightly, difficult child is still being difficult child. husband and I are so tired.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They started again. difficult child will not give husband a minute's rest, easy child is such a pita and won't stop with him. I tried to get difficult child to come up and said I would read with him. He said no only dad besides you're not even my mom. Dad's my dad but you're not my mom husband just left, he is so fed up. I know he'll be back once he thinks difficult child is asleep. easy child's mad because she felt difficult child made husband leave. It's a combo of both of them right now. easy child doesn't get how she is contributing. Here difficult child is being so rude to me and I'm feeling so sorry for him because of how easy child is treating him.

    I feel like crying and crying. I just don't know what to do anymore.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    You really need some help with easy child... she is running roughshod over everyone. At least you get monthly respite with difficult child. Can she spend next weekend with a friend? As for husband... he truly needs to get away for a break (as do you). I'm really concerned for his health and yours.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    easy child "almost" getting physical with you is very worrisome. It's like she is "learning" from difficult child in a reversal thing - usually the younger ones pick up behaviors from the older ones. She is way too old for that cr*p. You practised stop the world with difficult child and you absolutely are going to have to do the same for easy child. When that smart or disrespectful mouth starts - room time. No arguments, justifications, etc. Whether she is in the middle of something or not, she has to be removed because the stress of the constant arguing is really affected you and husband.

    I would suggest that both you and husband sit down with easy child and explain yourself. Let her know that she has been around for years and has seen how difficult it has been with difficult child. Ask her if she remembers how she felt with difficult child got physical with you? Let her know that you are concerned that she is doing the same. I would tell her that you and husband are not going to take any lip or disrespect from her. Her room is the first course. No discussing it, no compromise. The second step, the next social thing she wants to attend is taken away. Be firm Sharon. She is way old enough to handle this.


  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sharon, so sorry for the way your weekend turned out.

    It really sounds as if husband is at the end of his rope. Is he seeing a therapist for himself? You might want to gently suggest it. My husband recently had to seek help for himself because he was feeling a lot of anxiety about our kids' illnesses. I know you know the value of seeing a therapist so I hope your husband will agree. You could also go to a therapist together to work on strategies to decrease your home life stresses.

    I'm worried about your easy child. I personally don't believe teens choose to be out-of-control or violent. I think there's something else going on that has yet to be identified or treated. Is there any way you can get her into the psychiatrist? Or do you think you might need a second opinion? I would hate for easy child and you to continue to suffer the way you all are.

    I'm also worried about you. Are you seeing your therapist regularly? Obviously, your workouts and fun activities for you are very important right now. This is definitely not the time to scrimp on Sharon time!

    Sending many gentle hugs your way.
  6. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    It is so overwhelming. Can you send them to their rooms? I have decided I'm entitled to a peaceful house and now send the offending party/ies to their rooms if they can't be pleasant downstairs. I don't even approach it as a punishment, just something that needs to happen for my personal relief. They can do whatever they want in their rooms and come out when they can be kind or sometimes I set a time.

    I take some carp, probably too much, but after a certain point...just get out of my sight. My house, my rules, guess I have a bit of difficult child attitude. It does help.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TM-I agree that husband needs a break. I've told him to take one but he is worried about leaving me home with difficult child-worried difficult child will get violent. I told him to go anyways but I don't think he will. I wish she did have a friend to spend the weekend with but she really doesn't. husband and I wish they both went for respite some times. At least when he is at respite, she tends to do a bit better.

    Sharon-I agree that she is way too old for this cr*p. She doesn't mind at all going to her room as it is where she spends most of her time. Right now we still send her there when she starts. I think we will have to start taking away social activities. She does so few that the therapist didn't want us taking any away but this is getting rediculous.

    SW-He saw a therapist at one point but I don't think he'll go back. He is so tired of appointments of any kind right now. I also agree that something may be going on with easy child. We know depression and anxiety but I do wonder if there is more. She does have a therapist appointment Thursday and a psychiatrist appointment. next Monday. I am seeing my therapist every couple of weeks. Thankfully tomorrow is my appointment.

    Kathie-We can send them to their rooms. We do. difficult child just can't stay there for the life of him. When he is there he is often pounding on doors, etc... easy child practically lives in her room, she prefers to just be left alone.

    Thank you all for your replies. Poor husband had a rough morning with difficult child and told me he fell right back into his bad eating habits (stopped at McDonalds for breakfast). He is trying to lose weight. To his credit he did well the rest of the day with his eating.

    difficult child had a super bad day at school (but that's another post).
  8. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Right now Major has just enough stabilty to go to his room with a minimum of destruction, especially with a warning...no board jinx. When he was less stable I made his room more entertaining to him, just to give the rest of the family a break. Wishing your difficult child a bit more stability and you some peace.
  9. DramaQueenLucy

    DramaQueenLucy New Member

    When I start to get overwelmed with everything I try to call a family time out. That is everyone to their rooms for 30 minutes. After that I am more ready to deal. I am so sorry that you & husband are going through this life is a challage with G'sFG.