Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Will he fall?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 646101" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think it would be three years ago now that difficult child daughter went crashing into addiction. She had been state-mandated into a gold standard (that is the term we heard used) treatment facility. difficult child daughter had been a math/science teacher in the years before the addiction and so, had a nice hefty tax return coming in. </p><p></p><p>She must have been 37 years old.</p><p></p><p>She had three children living at home. 13, 6, and 3. The ex-husband had gone to visit his sons for Christmas and rescued all three kids. difficult child daughter went homeless; was mandated into treatment. Had been approved for a second cycle of six weeks.</p><p></p><p>And received her tax return.</p><p></p><p>And when she got it, she escaped the treatment center. (State mandated, remember ~ treatment or...well, I suppose jail, maybe). Anyway, she wasn't supposed to leave there. She was talking to husband, justifying why she had to get out of there now that she had money again (the tax return). And I heard husband say these words: "This is your Dad. Do this for me. Stay there. Finish the program. Do this for me."</p><p></p><p>I had never heard husband make a naked plea to either of our children, before. husband tends to be more: "That was stupid. Here is money. Go away." </p><p></p><p>difficult child daughter left, anyway.</p><p></p><p>She blew her money, wound up sick and living on the streets and calling and calling to beg us to pay for hotel rooms in blizzards when her feet were blistered and freezing and the temps (Minnesota) were way, way below zero.</p><p></p><p>And that is what broke husband and I.</p><p></p><p>And here is the strange thing that is happening to me as I recover myself and pull myself together. I was focused on guilty, was stuck in the horror of it, was just so broken when these things were happening.</p><p></p><p>When I think back now, I feel that sense of time and water and silence that happens when we are functioning on instinct. </p><p></p><p>Lately though, I am looking beyond that horrified, timeless place, that awful place where husband and I found the strength somehow to stand up and say no and then, had to live with it.</p><p></p><p>And the child suffers.</p><p></p><p>That so sucks.</p><p></p><p>But just lately...I am seeing how stupidly cruel it is that we had to be exposed to any of that.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing the whole picture more, is what I think I mean.</p><p></p><p>It is an ugly story.</p><p></p><p>I can't believe we are still upright. I think we are recovering well. In a way, I still can't believe these things happened to us, can't even believe how awful those nights were...those nights when we named ourselves people who would say no and had to belly up to the bar on that one.</p><p></p><p>It was like being insane.</p><p></p><p>It was horrible.</p><p></p><p>Here is the message for each parent, here: It is horrible. Ours are ugly, ugly stories. But there will be a time when you do come back from it, a time when you too will reclaim your lives.</p><p></p><p>I didn't know that, when it happened to us.</p><p></p><p>I was in that place where water drips and time passes and there is no light. </p><p></p><p>I think the point of recovery happens when we begin viewing our own lives with that same hope and depth of vision and compassion that we have focused on the lives of our wayward children. Until we begin refocusing, we are not aware that we are living for someone else, for our children.</p><p></p><p>It must be a mother thing.</p><p></p><p>Looks like I lost my chain of thought.</p><p></p><p>But at least I have one.</p><p></p><p>A chain of thought, I mean.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 646101, member: 17461"] I think it would be three years ago now that difficult child daughter went crashing into addiction. She had been state-mandated into a gold standard (that is the term we heard used) treatment facility. difficult child daughter had been a math/science teacher in the years before the addiction and so, had a nice hefty tax return coming in. She must have been 37 years old. She had three children living at home. 13, 6, and 3. The ex-husband had gone to visit his sons for Christmas and rescued all three kids. difficult child daughter went homeless; was mandated into treatment. Had been approved for a second cycle of six weeks. And received her tax return. And when she got it, she escaped the treatment center. (State mandated, remember ~ treatment or...well, I suppose jail, maybe). Anyway, she wasn't supposed to leave there. She was talking to husband, justifying why she had to get out of there now that she had money again (the tax return). And I heard husband say these words: "This is your Dad. Do this for me. Stay there. Finish the program. Do this for me." I had never heard husband make a naked plea to either of our children, before. husband tends to be more: "That was stupid. Here is money. Go away." difficult child daughter left, anyway. She blew her money, wound up sick and living on the streets and calling and calling to beg us to pay for hotel rooms in blizzards when her feet were blistered and freezing and the temps (Minnesota) were way, way below zero. And that is what broke husband and I. And here is the strange thing that is happening to me as I recover myself and pull myself together. I was focused on guilty, was stuck in the horror of it, was just so broken when these things were happening. When I think back now, I feel that sense of time and water and silence that happens when we are functioning on instinct. Lately though, I am looking beyond that horrified, timeless place, that awful place where husband and I found the strength somehow to stand up and say no and then, had to live with it. And the child suffers. That so sucks. But just lately...I am seeing how stupidly cruel it is that we had to be exposed to any of that. I am seeing the whole picture more, is what I think I mean. It is an ugly story. I can't believe we are still upright. I think we are recovering well. In a way, I still can't believe these things happened to us, can't even believe how awful those nights were...those nights when we named ourselves people who would say no and had to belly up to the bar on that one. It was like being insane. It was horrible. Here is the message for each parent, here: It is horrible. Ours are ugly, ugly stories. But there will be a time when you do come back from it, a time when you too will reclaim your lives. I didn't know that, when it happened to us. I was in that place where water drips and time passes and there is no light. I think the point of recovery happens when we begin viewing our own lives with that same hope and depth of vision and compassion that we have focused on the lives of our wayward children. Until we begin refocusing, we are not aware that we are living for someone else, for our children. It must be a mother thing. Looks like I lost my chain of thought. But at least I have one. A chain of thought, I mean. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Will he fall?
Top