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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 659078" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Cedar cuts to the quick. And I am grateful for it.</p><p></p><p>NIJ, there are no easy answers. I speak to myself, here. You continue to see your mother, I think, because that is who you are, a good person. The problem for us, is this: We are called upon to be good people to ourselves. And that is not always easy, because in the case of an elderly, dying parent who happens to be our mother, the loyalties are often not clear. After all, loyalty to my mother also in the end turned out to be loyalty to my best self.</p><p></p><p>Did it almost kill me? Yes it did. Sometimes, I think I will never recover myself. But consider the alternative, please: </p><p></p><p>It comes to a decision about who are are and choose to be: </p><p></p><p>Cedar is so gracious and so loving. She chides me because I do not properly own that I at great cost put aside my weaknesses and my fears and my resentments and took care of my mother. I made mistakes, and for a period of a couple of 2 months I chose for myself, resulting in great misery all around. But I changed course, and forever I will know that when my mother needed me, I was there. </p><p></p><p>More than that, really. I was there for myself.</p><p></p><p>There are great stakes here nij. And the risks are even greater of a poor decision. While I have pride in myself, I am not one hundred percent sure I made the right one. It is approaching 2 years since my mother's death and 3 since I began to care for her and I have recovered maybe 10 percent of my prior force and functioning as a person.</p><p></p><p>So I am left with the question, the same question I asked my mother 7 months before she died: Is your life worth more than mine?</p><p></p><p>What I learned if anything is this: When it comes to a mother and a daughter, there is no either/or. In the final months of my mother's life we were one. Had I separated from her, I would have cut off a part of myself. All of the damage that she could do me had turned in the end to a scream that I would abandon her. I learned that to do so was to abandon myself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 659078, member: 18958"] Cedar cuts to the quick. And I am grateful for it. NIJ, there are no easy answers. I speak to myself, here. You continue to see your mother, I think, because that is who you are, a good person. The problem for us, is this: We are called upon to be good people to ourselves. And that is not always easy, because in the case of an elderly, dying parent who happens to be our mother, the loyalties are often not clear. After all, loyalty to my mother also in the end turned out to be loyalty to my best self. Did it almost kill me? Yes it did. Sometimes, I think I will never recover myself. But consider the alternative, please: It comes to a decision about who are are and choose to be: Cedar is so gracious and so loving. She chides me because I do not properly own that I at great cost put aside my weaknesses and my fears and my resentments and took care of my mother. I made mistakes, and for a period of a couple of 2 months I chose for myself, resulting in great misery all around. But I changed course, and forever I will know that when my mother needed me, I was there. More than that, really. I was there for myself. There are great stakes here nij. And the risks are even greater of a poor decision. While I have pride in myself, I am not one hundred percent sure I made the right one. It is approaching 2 years since my mother's death and 3 since I began to care for her and I have recovered maybe 10 percent of my prior force and functioning as a person. So I am left with the question, the same question I asked my mother 7 months before she died: Is your life worth more than mine? What I learned if anything is this: When it comes to a mother and a daughter, there is no either/or. In the final months of my mother's life we were one. Had I separated from her, I would have cut off a part of myself. All of the damage that she could do me had turned in the end to a scream that I would abandon her. I learned that to do so was to abandon myself. [/QUOTE]
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