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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 659136" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I'd cut off contact with her. I wouldn't tell her why, I'd just do it. It's draining, and it makes you wonder why she treats you like that. It's almost impossible to separate the wondering why from knowing that it's all about her being a terrible person. If she calls to ask where you've been or why you haven't called I might tell her that she doesn't seem to enjoy my company, and it has become more difficult for you than it used to be. <em>All true.</em></p><p></p><p>I cut off contact with my dad, and the rest of the family cut me off for it. For years he used to give somewhat valuable things to people he knew I'd know, and hope that it would bother me, as though what I wanted was his stuff, when what I wanted was for him to stop being such a sphincter. I'd say, "Oh, that was nice of him to do that." The one that was a real hoot was when my Uncle had passed away and he had given a leather sofa I had admired to husband's sister A, whom they'd met at church twice. A is a challenge and her kids are even more challenging. A had no clue who my parents were. She thought they were "someone from church". I just said, "Oh, well that was nice". The one time I did see my mom after that she told me that she thought A was a little dim and and ungrateful. Well, how far out of her way was someone supposed to go for a free sofa?</p><p></p><p>When that still didn't bother me and I'd moved 3,000 miles away without giving anyone an address, I got a letter from my dad (my sister risked her job at the utility company to find out where I lived) telling me that he was leaving me out of the will. It broke my heart that was all he could say to me when he knew he was dying, but I didn't give a horse's patoot about the will. When he died, no one told me - not even my kids. I heard it from an old neighbor, and someone I'd never met got my new address from my sister and sent me a card. None of my siblings contacted me - my sister was going to let me learn from a card from our neice's mother in law. M told me "He told me not to tell you because he didn't want you to know." Actually, the last words my father ever spoke to me were, "I can do anything I want to with your children and no one will say a word because everyone knows I'm a good man and everyone knows you're garbage." That was his way of making sure I remembered that, and that he could do it even after he was dead. Wow - isn't <em>that</em> something to be proud of? I hope he had a long talk with St. Peter as to why he was heading to hell before he made the trip.</p><p></p><p>Your mom is playing a sick game that only she can win. The only way to stop her from winning is to stop playing. If she wants to call and be nice, I suppose there's nothing wrong with that so long as she's not also sabotaging you behind your back. I'd keep a copy of the list of things to say when the difficult child's are manipulative by the phone, though. But never once in a million years would I let her know that she hurt your feelings with the will. If she asks, tell her it's her money/possessions to do with as she pleases, and you're glad that she can do what makes her happy with it.</p><p></p><p>FWIW, 9 times out of 10 people have to spend down to less than $2,000 in value before they die on Medicaid anyway. If there's something left to leave your brother, it'll be the exception to the rule.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 659136, member: 99"] I'd cut off contact with her. I wouldn't tell her why, I'd just do it. It's draining, and it makes you wonder why she treats you like that. It's almost impossible to separate the wondering why from knowing that it's all about her being a terrible person. If she calls to ask where you've been or why you haven't called I might tell her that she doesn't seem to enjoy my company, and it has become more difficult for you than it used to be. [I]All true.[/I] I cut off contact with my dad, and the rest of the family cut me off for it. For years he used to give somewhat valuable things to people he knew I'd know, and hope that it would bother me, as though what I wanted was his stuff, when what I wanted was for him to stop being such a sphincter. I'd say, "Oh, that was nice of him to do that." The one that was a real hoot was when my Uncle had passed away and he had given a leather sofa I had admired to husband's sister A, whom they'd met at church twice. A is a challenge and her kids are even more challenging. A had no clue who my parents were. She thought they were "someone from church". I just said, "Oh, well that was nice". The one time I did see my mom after that she told me that she thought A was a little dim and and ungrateful. Well, how far out of her way was someone supposed to go for a free sofa? When that still didn't bother me and I'd moved 3,000 miles away without giving anyone an address, I got a letter from my dad (my sister risked her job at the utility company to find out where I lived) telling me that he was leaving me out of the will. It broke my heart that was all he could say to me when he knew he was dying, but I didn't give a horse's patoot about the will. When he died, no one told me - not even my kids. I heard it from an old neighbor, and someone I'd never met got my new address from my sister and sent me a card. None of my siblings contacted me - my sister was going to let me learn from a card from our neice's mother in law. M told me "He told me not to tell you because he didn't want you to know." Actually, the last words my father ever spoke to me were, "I can do anything I want to with your children and no one will say a word because everyone knows I'm a good man and everyone knows you're garbage." That was his way of making sure I remembered that, and that he could do it even after he was dead. Wow - isn't [I]that[/I] something to be proud of? I hope he had a long talk with St. Peter as to why he was heading to hell before he made the trip. Your mom is playing a sick game that only she can win. The only way to stop her from winning is to stop playing. If she wants to call and be nice, I suppose there's nothing wrong with that so long as she's not also sabotaging you behind your back. I'd keep a copy of the list of things to say when the difficult child's are manipulative by the phone, though. But never once in a million years would I let her know that she hurt your feelings with the will. If she asks, tell her it's her money/possessions to do with as she pleases, and you're glad that she can do what makes her happy with it. FWIW, 9 times out of 10 people have to spend down to less than $2,000 in value before they die on Medicaid anyway. If there's something left to leave your brother, it'll be the exception to the rule. [/QUOTE]
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