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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 659266" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>A couple of things on my mind...more like haunting me a bit (just kidding)</p><p></p><p>My father was the type that everything revolved around money. I don't think he knew how to love. He had a messed up childhood. I do NOT think of this as an excuse. Only a bit of an explanation. I had a messed up childhood too and when I realized it was causing problems, decided to see a psychologist,read helpful books and pray for guidance. I don't think my father ever for one second (well, maybe in the days before his death) acknowledged he had a problem nor that he was hurting others. But the money thing was prevalent. So, money was perhaps his substitute for love in some way. If he had money, he felt comfort. So, he naturally assumed he could use money to manipulate people. If you don't treat me right, I won't let you have my money. He had no idea that this type of behavior was the opposite of love. Threatening, withholding, vindictive, mean spirited, bribing, abusive...whatever...just anything but love. The guy was clueless.</p><p></p><p>Second thing...in the very end, my father and I hadn't been speaking for awhile....( we often didn't speak) and during this time I got my Master s degree, a good job and our son graduated from college with honors. When he found out, this ticked him off. He had told his friends we were all bums. He got so mad, his blood pressure went thru the roof. He was in the hospital and the nurse made us leave. Any thoughts on this?</p><p></p><p>Third thing...</p><p>My father was mean to me only for a few days at the very end. Then he got very very quiet. His girlfriend was frantically trying to get him to make a will leaving everything to her. I did not know this at the time. Found out much later. She was a devil. He kept on dying and she kept on having him resuscitated. It was freaking disturbing. He would look at me with forlorn eyes and not say a word or answer with one word "hot" "cold." If he had continued to be mean to me, I don't know what I would have done. I wasn't visiting much as it was. But, maybe I would have visited even less and just called the hospital and ask for updates. I truly wanted to help, but with boundaries. If he was actively mean to me....really not sure what I would have done. I'm with Others here in that, I just can't deal with that after almost two decades of doing so...when he had been in my life as a child and teen.</p><p>I do wonder if at the very end if my father when he was so very quiet was reviewing his life and his behaviors. I just wonder. by the way, I think he was well aware of what the girlfriend was doing and it had to of been grossly disturbing. He never signed the will she had drawn up.</p><p></p><p>Other than the insanity perpetuated by his girlfriend, he seemed fairly comfortable when he died.Again, I often wonder if he figured some things out (money isn't everything, the importance of family and love) in the days before he died. His brain seem to be working. He was so quiet, and I'm convinced it wasn't just utter fatigue and fear. Lots of lessons in this experience.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 659266, member: 4152"] A couple of things on my mind...more like haunting me a bit (just kidding) My father was the type that everything revolved around money. I don't think he knew how to love. He had a messed up childhood. I do NOT think of this as an excuse. Only a bit of an explanation. I had a messed up childhood too and when I realized it was causing problems, decided to see a psychologist,read helpful books and pray for guidance. I don't think my father ever for one second (well, maybe in the days before his death) acknowledged he had a problem nor that he was hurting others. But the money thing was prevalent. So, money was perhaps his substitute for love in some way. If he had money, he felt comfort. So, he naturally assumed he could use money to manipulate people. If you don't treat me right, I won't let you have my money. He had no idea that this type of behavior was the opposite of love. Threatening, withholding, vindictive, mean spirited, bribing, abusive...whatever...just anything but love. The guy was clueless. Second thing...in the very end, my father and I hadn't been speaking for awhile....( we often didn't speak) and during this time I got my Master s degree, a good job and our son graduated from college with honors. When he found out, this ticked him off. He had told his friends we were all bums. He got so mad, his blood pressure went thru the roof. He was in the hospital and the nurse made us leave. Any thoughts on this? Third thing... My father was mean to me only for a few days at the very end. Then he got very very quiet. His girlfriend was frantically trying to get him to make a will leaving everything to her. I did not know this at the time. Found out much later. She was a devil. He kept on dying and she kept on having him resuscitated. It was freaking disturbing. He would look at me with forlorn eyes and not say a word or answer with one word "hot" "cold." If he had continued to be mean to me, I don't know what I would have done. I wasn't visiting much as it was. But, maybe I would have visited even less and just called the hospital and ask for updates. I truly wanted to help, but with boundaries. If he was actively mean to me....really not sure what I would have done. I'm with Others here in that, I just can't deal with that after almost two decades of doing so...when he had been in my life as a child and teen. I do wonder if at the very end if my father when he was so very quiet was reviewing his life and his behaviors. I just wonder. by the way, I think he was well aware of what the girlfriend was doing and it had to of been grossly disturbing. He never signed the will she had drawn up. Other than the insanity perpetuated by his girlfriend, he seemed fairly comfortable when he died.Again, I often wonder if he figured some things out (money isn't everything, the importance of family and love) in the days before he died. His brain seem to be working. He was so quiet, and I'm convinced it wasn't just utter fatigue and fear. Lots of lessons in this experience. [/QUOTE]
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