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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 659350" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi nlj. I'm sorry for the hurt this has caused.</p><p>I have a mother who has caused harm to me too. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think that's a good idea. I separated from my mother for close to 2 years about 12 years ago. During that time, my counselor gave me some very good input about how manipulative my mother was, how she appeared one way, but was actually something completely different. She told me my mother was proficient at "reaching to the core of me and extracting what SHE wanted." It was a visual I couldn't deny or forget. That time of separation actually changed the dynamic for she and I. She grew a life without using me and I cut a dysfunctional cord which had kept me tied to her. </p><p></p><p>My mother burned my Dad's will the evening he died and then denied doing it. No one questioned the decade long traveling the world she did after his death. </p><p></p><p>Similar to the journey with my daughter, I learned to accept the way it is. It is not anywhere close to what would be considered a healthy, positive relationship, it just is what it is. She lived with me for a short time and I asked her to go live with my brother, that I was burned out on caring for people and wanted my life back. That was an important step......to choose myself. </p><p></p><p>Somehow over time, it lost it's charge for me, just like what happened with my daughter...I worked on myself and learned about self love...I am grateful for that since that "mother wound" had taken up a lot of space in my life previously. It doesn't anymore. That 2 year separation cut the dysfunction and for me, served to get me to detachment. After being a major issue for me for a good part of my life, it's a non issue now. I feel free of both my mother AND my daughter. </p><p></p><p>This may be the catalyst for you to step back and see it all from that separate point of view......now you can "mother" yourself.</p><p></p><p>Sending you a big hug nlj. xoxoxox</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 659350, member: 13542"] Hi nlj. I'm sorry for the hurt this has caused. I have a mother who has caused harm to me too. I think that's a good idea. I separated from my mother for close to 2 years about 12 years ago. During that time, my counselor gave me some very good input about how manipulative my mother was, how she appeared one way, but was actually something completely different. She told me my mother was proficient at "reaching to the core of me and extracting what SHE wanted." It was a visual I couldn't deny or forget. That time of separation actually changed the dynamic for she and I. She grew a life without using me and I cut a dysfunctional cord which had kept me tied to her. My mother burned my Dad's will the evening he died and then denied doing it. No one questioned the decade long traveling the world she did after his death. Similar to the journey with my daughter, I learned to accept the way it is. It is not anywhere close to what would be considered a healthy, positive relationship, it just is what it is. She lived with me for a short time and I asked her to go live with my brother, that I was burned out on caring for people and wanted my life back. That was an important step......to choose myself. Somehow over time, it lost it's charge for me, just like what happened with my daughter...I worked on myself and learned about self love...I am grateful for that since that "mother wound" had taken up a lot of space in my life previously. It doesn't anymore. That 2 year separation cut the dysfunction and for me, served to get me to detachment. After being a major issue for me for a good part of my life, it's a non issue now. I feel free of both my mother AND my daughter. This may be the catalyst for you to step back and see it all from that separate point of view......now you can "mother" yourself. Sending you a big hug nlj. xoxoxox [/QUOTE]
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