Wishful thinking.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jun 23, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    kt is "fixated" on boys, i.e. having a boyfriend. She's been talking with her PCAs nonstop about her "boyfriend" T.

    According to day treatment facility - there is no alone time among the students. T lives across town & there is no contact outside of day treatment. (Day treatment really wants no contact between their clients outside of the facility.)

    Having said that, kt told her PCA then me that T was pushing her harder (put his hand on my behind when we hugged & wants sex) than she wanted to go. And that she's uncomfortable. "I'm going to dump him, mom".

    Well, okay - breaking up might be a better term.

    Given the level of supervision kt is under, I doubt that there has been a time where T could push her harder to do anything. I wonder how much of this is wishful thinking & how much is kt's skewed sense of reality?

    Guess it really doesn't matter.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    This may be more a case of Katie senses that is the direction the boy would like to go, than the boy actually did something to make her think that. I know due to my own abuse I've always been able to pick up on male intentions long before they were actually displayed. She may be picking up on unconcious subtle signs most people miss.

    Kt is about to enter a really tough time in her life. Although she is naive about many things, she's overeducated about others that her peers have yet to learn. Odds are she's going to be hypersensitive to the signals males give off, conscious as well as unconscious ones. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

    If she feels this boy is "asking" for too much, she should break it off. Her body thru puberty is "betraying" her with urges she doesn't feel safe with yet. This is an area where encouraging her to expect respect from the opposite sex is really going to be important. By teaching her to expect respect from boys you'll be giving her control over her own body.

    My grandma did alot of practical talking to me during this time. She was blunt and honest. And because she was the only person in the world I trusted, I believed her. (thank God)
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I know that kt is hypersensitive to what is going on around her & possible "threats" to herself. It's a huge component to her anxiety.

    We have a therapist appointment this coming week along with in home therapist following up after that. I may give therapist a head's up to kt's concerns.

    I tend to be very blunt on choices kt should make when it comes to the men in her life. If she senses the least bit of disrespect or harmful actions she needs to walk. I'm hoping that when she is obsessing about boys that by injecting these realities into her conversation some of it will stick, for lack of a better word.

    In the meantime, kt is having huge mood swings, some dissociative states & then just happy go lucky kt.

    kt bought a football yesterday to take to the park. "I want to play with boys, mom & they like football". She had a few takers who wanted to play tackle. PCA was there & demanded touch football. When the boys tried touching areas off limits PCA called off the game.

    PCA is concerned that kt is looking for acceptance from boys at any cost (as am I).

    Thanks for the input, Lisa - I knew I could count on your perspective on this. :flower:
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This can't be easy. I think your bluntness with her about men is a good thing. Hugs.