Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by weaselqt, Aug 19, 2007.

  1. weaselqt

    weaselqt New Member

    I want to say first of all - I don't know what to say. I have adhd/bipolar 15 yo son who is the only perosn in world who makes me cry. I'm at wits end - and don't know what to do - his mood swings are getting so erratic and I'm about to explode myself - now I wonder if he is making ME crazy!! I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind!!!
  2. wldinnh

    wldinnh New Member

    Many on this board have felt what you are feeling, are currently feeling what you are or will feel it in the near future. That's why we're here, to help each other through the times we think we can't get through. There are many wonderful words of wisdom from the Warrior Moms and Dads that will help you and I know they'll be posting soon. Lean on us right now and we'll get you through it.
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I wanted to welcome you to the board. I'm sorry you have to be here, but am glad you found us.

    Parenting a difficult child is not easy. It is emotionally, mentally, physically and financially draining. It's very important that you take time for yourself doing whatever it is you enjoy, is relaxing - or stimulating - and is all about you and for you. Whether that's taking a walk alone or with a friend, reading a book, soaking in a tub, hiding in the bathroom with the door locked (ahem...sometimes it's the only place to escape to), or anything you can dream up.

    I used to have a rule that the first 10 minutes after I got home from work were mine. I was not to be interrupted for anything short of a life or death emergency. From the time I got up, all day at work, then picking up the kids after it was nothing but demands on me and it was going to be demands on me all night, too. I needed 10 minutes to change clothes, decompress and switch gears. And, boy, if I didn't get that uninterrupted time it set the tone for the whole evening.

    Post as often as you need to. We're here for each other.
  4. weaselqt

    weaselqt New Member

    today - my difficult child stated he was hungry while at grocery store (he is 15) and I said lets get hamburger for hamburger steaks (something I think can be quick) and he blows a fuse and shouts "YOU WANT ME TO STARVE" because he wanted to stop on sonic on the way home and eat on the way home so he can go right to bed when we got home - not wait to eat. I'm telling him he is eating when we get home (I'm trying to check out of grocery store with husband and easy child) and difficult child says that "What you cook is CRAP!" I just smile and say to cashier - "Oh, teenagers." and then he is like "You Want Me To Starve!!! You PROMISED I could eat at sonic!!!" - well, come to find out husband said he could eat at sonic

    difficult child stands and GLARES at me and I say "If you don't stop - eveyrone in this store will see me slap you!" OK, I wouldn't have done it -but I sure wanted to!! Am I so bad? difficult child is steadily mouthing and I tell him to be quiet and he keeps it up and when we are on the way home he is still at it. "I hate what you cook." "I'm tired and going to sleep when I get home so you won't have to cook." "You hate me and I'm going to die now"

    difficult child says the stupidest stuff!!!!!!!! ARGH!! Now my 6 year old easy child is crying because he thinks he is hungry and I won't feed him (my difficult child keeps saying "mom doesn't love us and you can't eat anymore and you will die now")

    Well, I am feeling like jumping out of the truck while it si going down the road - seriously!!! :mad: I think I'm losing my own mind!!!

    We get home, and he heads straight to his room and I decided that if he gets anything to eat it is a can of spaghettios - i'm too p***** to cook anything. I'm calming my 6 yo easy child down (he is fine now - & he isn't hungry) and difficult child comes out and says "I'll cook".

    I had already put his spaghettios in microwave (meanwhile husband only makes things worse by saying "why do you do this!!" to difficult child) I just walk to living room and sit - meanwhile difficult child is screaching/singing in kitchen while trying to figure out if he wants to cook (my nerves are on last leg now) and he gets the spaghettos and comes to living room, sits down, stops screach/singing and looks at me and says, "Mom, we forgot to get my p.e. uniform." and continues to eat and hum quietly, finishes his food and puts it in sink and comes back to have a conversation about how he now wants to be an underwater welder when he finishes school.


    This is becomgin a daily ritual about anything. I wonder if he even realizes what is going on. He saw tears in my eyes and asks me why I'm crying - I'm just looking because I don't want to say something to trigger another outburst - which is so easy anymore - but thank you husband because he looks at difficult child and says "Duh? You make her cry!" and here we go again!!!
  5. weaselqt

    weaselqt New Member

    I've posted the above in new topic - sorry - I'm learning
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Is he on a mood stabilizer?
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I've already replied in the new topic - I think it was a good move to do that, actually, it's your specific issue at the moment, and here you're making contact and getting maybe a different sort of feedback.

    A lot of people here can really relate to what you're going through. There are also some good books which would be worth you at least trying to get from your library, or maybe trawl the 'Net for more info.

    Also, a suggestion I didn't make on your other threads - if possible, get your husband to lurk or post here as well. It can be REALLY helpful in terms of your own communication. I mean, husband & I thought we already were the perfect couple, when it came to communication. But when he reads my posts sometimes he realises he hasn't quite grasped something, or maybe he realises I misunderstood something, and when he comes home we talk it through. Now our communication has moved to a whole new level - plus he was able to understand much faster when we changed tack drastically on our discipline methods.

    Say I'm having a bad day with difficult child 3. I might post something here, mentioning it. husband will spot it in passing at work and be already 'up to speed' when he gets home.

    There are other males who post here more regularly than the women in their lives, too. So husband won't be the lone wolf howling on the hill.

    Welcome, hope you can find some answers soon.

  8. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Welcome to the board!

    Someone may have already suggested this, but grab the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. You may see your son in the examples in the book.

    I'm sorry you had to find us, but this is a great group.
  9. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Weaselqt, welcome! I'm glad you found us.

    I have a 14-year-old son with a diagnosis of BiPolar (BP) and ADHD (in addition to a couple other things). He was very explosive, angry and aggressive until we got him on the right medications (which we're still tweaking). He is also in weekly therapy. While our home life is far from perfect -- he is a teenager, after all -- things have improved tremendously over the last couple of years. If your son has BiPolar (BP), it is recommended that he be on a mood stabilizer (Lithium, Lamictal, Depakote, Trileptal and Tegretol are the five first-line medications recommended for BiPolar (BP)). ADHD medications like Metadate can actaully destabilize adolescents with BiPolar (BP). And Risperdal, an atypical antipschotic, cannot counteract the negative effects of Metadate nor can it stabilize mood over the long haul.

    Are you working with a board-certified child psychiatrist? Is your son in therapy?

    Again, welcome.
  10. weaselqt

    weaselqt New Member

    Well, should I take him completely off medications until we can get him in to see the psyc? I don't think the medications are working at all and if they may make him worse - I can't see keeping him on them. I just don't know what to do. Psychiatrist appointment is late October - don't know if I can wait tht long!!!!
  11. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    You should only take a child off medications under the guidance of a doctor.

    Can you get on a cancellation list to get your difficult child in to the psychiatrist sooner?
  12. weaselqt

    weaselqt New Member

    Hmmmmm - haven't asked about cancellation list - I was just told doctor is booked until then.

    Is BiPolar (BP), ADHD inherited or genetic or something? Just wondering.