Wonderful visit with tweedle....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Apr 20, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I visited with wm for the first time since January! :jumphappy::dance:I walked in the door & tears came to my eyes.

    My son had grown almost 3 inches & now is taller than me. Physically he looks so mature - he has whiskers growing (which seems young to me at 13 but husband pointed out to me the beard he had at 15). :cigarsmoker:

    We enjoyed lunch at Applebee's - wm has 2 hollow legs as he finished off his meal & then asked to finish mine. I gave him my fries & half my sandwich & wm finished that off as well. Then he asked for desert. My son is going to be a tall & skinny.

    He was appropriate in his manner toward me - respectful. However, he very childish. As with kt, we have to remind wm that we know he can be a 13 y/o & have seen him acting as such. I had to remind him to use that 13 y/o part in the restaurant. When wm remembered to "act" his age he was an enjoyable young man; when he reverted to 6 or 7 it was a great deal more difficult. However, wm was easily redirected to "being 13".

    He held doors open for me (husband only had to remind him once) & offered to sit on the inside of the table so it would be easier for me to get in & out with my walker. He showed me the latest book he is reading; told me about his testing over the last week & showed me the latest gameboy game he is trying to beat.

    All in all, it was a good visit. This young man, who we've cried tears of blood over is finally settling in a bit at group home (after almost 3 years). He's accepting that we are a family of different addresses & realizes that he needs a lot of help - actually verbalized that to me yesterday.

    What I've noticed is that wm needs to a lot more nurturing & positive reinforcement. Everyone has been really tough on him (he's needed it) however, you cannot continue to beat down on a person with-o building the spirit back up. That is one thing I can do even if I cannot visit. There are so many negatives in my son's life, I know that I can show him the positives in life. I've done it here with kt.

    wm will likely always need some kind of help through his life - structure & guidance. The type given in group home settings. Yet I can see wm finishing vocational training of some type & earning a living.

    I don't mean to sound so "Pollyanna". It may be that it's been too long a wait between visits with my son. However, because of that length of time I can see the positives that wm has made that those dealing with the daily antics cannot. Even husband hasn't recognized some of the steps I pointed out to him after our visit.

    Thanks for listening - it was a pleasant visit with my son. It was eye opening to see wm making positive strides. I'm realistic as to his abilities, but I'm more hopeful for wm than I have been in a very long time. :cheers:
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Linda--It's good to see you sounding so positives. As Fran has reminded me many times over the years---baby steps. Even the smallest step forward is movement forward.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    What a wonderful visit! It is so good to hear that he has progressed. It's also good that you recognized where he had improved. You're right that it is hard to see those improvements when we're around them frequently, so the break was probably a very good thing in that sense.

    I know your heart had to be breaking at the same time. A family of different addresses may be the only solution for wm, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

    Do celebrate his baby steps. They may help him grow into a man that can function in this society.
  4. Penta

    Penta New Member

    Wow...wonderful. I think, as wm matures even more in his teens, he will make continued steps toward becoming a productive adult. His recognition of needing help for himself is quite insightful!

    So glad you saw such progress in your young man. Hope, with a dose of realism is the perfect way to view his future.
  5. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Good for Wm! Good for your family!

    Great news.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    What a wonderful report. It brought tears to my eyes. I am glad the time apart has allowed you to see objectively how best you can impact his life - and that he is gaining some acceptance for his family of different addresses.

  7. I am so glad your visit with WM went well! Take those baby steps and enjoy them. Your post brought tears to my eyes as well.

  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This just made my day! I'm so happy to hear it was such a positive visit!
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    What a great visit, Linda. Finally, a little tiny silver lining in this thunder cloud that's been around you! Yeah!
  10. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    You must be so proud. That is great. I hope you have many more visits like this in the future.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Often it's difficult to see progress when you're right smack in the middle of things and bogged down with the daily grind.

    I'm glad your visit with wm went so well. And I'm proud of him too for the steps forward he's taking. And aw heck, often easy child 13 yr olds revert to acting like 6 yr olds. lol So sounds like he is doing well.

    You have reason to be proud. Both tweedles may still have quite a journey ahead of them, but they've come a long long way.

  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you all - it's been a long journey to date with a long way to go for both of the tweedles.

    It's been more difficult with wm as I don't have as big an impact on him. I miss the daily contact with him (I don't miss his very negative behaviors though). There is a huge difference between seeing my son & talking with him on the phone. He gets too distracted on the phone.

    I expect there will be a day where I will be able to see him more often; I will get stronger - he will continue to improve & make better more appropriate choices.

    I look forward to our next visit, hopefully the next time kt heads off to respite.