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Family of Origin
Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 673635" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I know. So is my Stella. Except I wish she had better teeth.</p><p>Why do you think, Cedar? Is it because you are more real, more exposed, more conscious? Or something else? Has standing up, made it harder, not easier?</p><p>Well, I do not know if I want to buy this. Because if it is not a "choice" that he can make, then it is a very bad, insidious, and pervasive thing that likely not get better. Like the psychiatrist said. I do not want to think that is the case. That my whole life and his, he will be losing every debit card, 100 times over, never mature, never have a real girlfriend, never want to do anything productive, never have a real goal that he works toward, talks about reptiles mating with martians, and all of the other things I cannot bear. If he cannot choose to get better, it means I have likely lost him forever. </p><p></p><p>This is a young person who taught himself 4 foreign languages. He taught himself portuguese in 3 weeks when he was 15 and traveled by himself with a bunch of adults to Brasil. How can I accept that he will never get better?</p><p>But when they stop they regain themselves. Of course they are changed by their experience. And the time they missed in terms of maturity and experience. But their mothers experience them as "themselves" and are grateful to have their children back. This I know from experience.</p><p>As am I to my own son.</p><p>Yes. How painful is that, New Leaf? You don't have to tell me. I know.</p><p>Maybe that is part of the anger I feel towards my son. Abandoned by him. He was my beloved. My greatest love. He woke me up with a sleeping beauty kiss. And they he left me. When I needed him after the death of my mother, his presence multiplied the devastation. He became my enemy. Why is my son my enemy? I become ill when I am around him.</p><p>I feel betrayed by son, too. I prefer that than we have been beset by something so insidious and uncontrollable that I cannot or do now want to understand. Betrayed is easier, in the short run. Because there is a response. Anger. Rage. Blame. </p><p></p><p>However much they screen whatever is true, they are preferable to: He will never change or get better.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 673635, member: 18958"] I know. So is my Stella. Except I wish she had better teeth. Why do you think, Cedar? Is it because you are more real, more exposed, more conscious? Or something else? Has standing up, made it harder, not easier? Well, I do not know if I want to buy this. Because if it is not a "choice" that he can make, then it is a very bad, insidious, and pervasive thing that likely not get better. Like the psychiatrist said. I do not want to think that is the case. That my whole life and his, he will be losing every debit card, 100 times over, never mature, never have a real girlfriend, never want to do anything productive, never have a real goal that he works toward, talks about reptiles mating with martians, and all of the other things I cannot bear. If he cannot choose to get better, it means I have likely lost him forever. This is a young person who taught himself 4 foreign languages. He taught himself portuguese in 3 weeks when he was 15 and traveled by himself with a bunch of adults to Brasil. How can I accept that he will never get better? But when they stop they regain themselves. Of course they are changed by their experience. And the time they missed in terms of maturity and experience. But their mothers experience them as "themselves" and are grateful to have their children back. This I know from experience. As am I to my own son. Yes. How painful is that, New Leaf? You don't have to tell me. I know. Maybe that is part of the anger I feel towards my son. Abandoned by him. He was my beloved. My greatest love. He woke me up with a sleeping beauty kiss. And they he left me. When I needed him after the death of my mother, his presence multiplied the devastation. He became my enemy. Why is my son my enemy? I become ill when I am around him. I feel betrayed by son, too. I prefer that than we have been beset by something so insidious and uncontrollable that I cannot or do now want to understand. Betrayed is easier, in the short run. Because there is a response. Anger. Rage. Blame. However much they screen whatever is true, they are preferable to: He will never change or get better. COPA [/QUOTE]
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