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Family of Origin
Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 673672" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Dear Copa, I do not know if this will help you. I will share what helped me. A lot. Read it and take what you like or toss it in the trash. </p><p></p><p>I did not have children to do me proud. I do think my mother did and even perhaps my father, but not me. I had them to love and hoped for the best and, since I am a realist, I knew I could not control the outcome, but that if I did my best that is enough. I did not expect to have Goneboy take off for so long. And I never did understand quite why he did, except that, in my gut, I knew that older adopted kids often don't bond and do take off. And it is no more than that they did not bond because of their formative years being lived somewhere else. I don't blame him and I don't blame us (ex and me). My other children did not leave, but did not all become what some people would call professionally successful either. I do not take t hat personally. They are happy young people doing life their way and they are good people. It took some longer to grow up...that is ok. We should not have children with too many hopes and dreams as everyone is individual. Adoption is another factor...they don't share our DNA (in my case, I consider that a BIG PLUS). But their DNA does drive them. I love them all. Dearly. I love who they are. Even when they are difficult. After all, everyone, even we, can be difficult.And we may not be exactly what they wanted in a parent. It goes two ways. </p><p></p><p>When our adult children grow up, they are no longer dependent on uus and make their own choices. It is not because of us. </p><p></p><p>Ok, so this may be unhelpful to you. I just wanted to share. One thing I never did was to have this dream child in my head that became rich, have a PhD or always stay close to me. I'm very lucky as four have stayed close to me so far and I like that, but it is not something I thought up in advance. Thinking of that dream child when we are pregnant or adopting is dangerous as almost no person can live up to our dreams and they have to f ind their own way.</p><p></p><p>Hope, Copa, you are not offended. These are the ramblings of just a regular mom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 673672, member: 1550"] Dear Copa, I do not know if this will help you. I will share what helped me. A lot. Read it and take what you like or toss it in the trash. I did not have children to do me proud. I do think my mother did and even perhaps my father, but not me. I had them to love and hoped for the best and, since I am a realist, I knew I could not control the outcome, but that if I did my best that is enough. I did not expect to have Goneboy take off for so long. And I never did understand quite why he did, except that, in my gut, I knew that older adopted kids often don't bond and do take off. And it is no more than that they did not bond because of their formative years being lived somewhere else. I don't blame him and I don't blame us (ex and me). My other children did not leave, but did not all become what some people would call professionally successful either. I do not take t hat personally. They are happy young people doing life their way and they are good people. It took some longer to grow up...that is ok. We should not have children with too many hopes and dreams as everyone is individual. Adoption is another factor...they don't share our DNA (in my case, I consider that a BIG PLUS). But their DNA does drive them. I love them all. Dearly. I love who they are. Even when they are difficult. After all, everyone, even we, can be difficult.And we may not be exactly what they wanted in a parent. It goes two ways. When our adult children grow up, they are no longer dependent on uus and make their own choices. It is not because of us. Ok, so this may be unhelpful to you. I just wanted to share. One thing I never did was to have this dream child in my head that became rich, have a PhD or always stay close to me. I'm very lucky as four have stayed close to me so far and I like that, but it is not something I thought up in advance. Thinking of that dream child when we are pregnant or adopting is dangerous as almost no person can live up to our dreams and they have to f ind their own way. Hope, Copa, you are not offended. These are the ramblings of just a regular mom. [/QUOTE]
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Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
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