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Family of Origin
Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 674003" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>New Leaf,</p><p></p><p>Thank you for Iz. I am listening as I read and post.I think it is a good thing that your mother came to mind, with love, and you undefended. Because that is who you are. Not her.</p><p></p><p>Your mother is dangerous to you. She has consciously decided to shun and to hurt you since you were a baby.</p><p></p><p>That you revert to suspicion or caution is smart.</p><p></p><p>The problem is that you attack yourself for your caution. Instead of owning it and applauding it, as sensible and astute.</p><p></p><p>When I fell in love (again) with my mother, she was dying and defenseless. While she had any capacity at all she continued to take advantage of and dominate me. In response to that I turned into an automaton and her servant. I completely gave up myself.</p><p></p><p>When I fell in love with my Mother, it was almost, but not totally, loving the her that was inside of me. She was already disarmed.</p><p>Don't you just love this?</p><p>I do not agree. I think love is first, biological. Pure chemistry. Especially between Baby and Mother. Then immediately it becomes attachment. An attachment that is so fierce and strong that it survives longer than a lifetime and every type of assault that comes to it. And when it becomes troubled, it protects itself through hate.</p><p></p><p>The last thing love is for me is faith. The bracelet of love is a ball and chain. Of gold and silver and all of the jewels in the world.</p><p>Those are judgments, Cedar. Judgments you make of yourself to blame yourself instead of your mother. Your mother is not a victim here. You are.</p><p>I like this so much better than nothing to fear. Because you control it. There is always something to fear.</p><p>I do not agree with this, either, although I like your imagery about a thermostat.</p><p></p><p>I think you would be safe with your Mother, now. In a limited encounter that you control. Not because she is safe. Because you are strong. And prepared. Even if a hubcap falls off. You will know what to do and how to act.</p><p></p><p>Like a lunch or dinner out, alone. *Does your mother still drive? I would hate the idea of your picking her up at your sister's house.</p><p></p><p>I think it is a matter of choosing it. When.</p><p></p><p>I think I am getting there. I think we all are.</p><p></p><p>It is amazing to me Serenity's story. It seems that her accident and the response of her family changed something essential for her. And she felt in an instant, her gratitude and the bountiful love she had created in her life. Just like that. But it all was all already there. It is the same for you, Cedar.</p><p>But you do now, Cedar.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, we are all of us not really needing to go anywhere. All of what we need is already here. We are complete. It is only to see it. And feel it. Like did Serenity.</p><p></p><p>We are the ones, now, who can and need give ourselves the sleeping beauty kiss. We may have done so already.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 674003, member: 18958"] New Leaf, Thank you for Iz. I am listening as I read and post.I think it is a good thing that your mother came to mind, with love, and you undefended. Because that is who you are. Not her. Your mother is dangerous to you. She has consciously decided to shun and to hurt you since you were a baby. That you revert to suspicion or caution is smart. The problem is that you attack yourself for your caution. Instead of owning it and applauding it, as sensible and astute. When I fell in love (again) with my mother, she was dying and defenseless. While she had any capacity at all she continued to take advantage of and dominate me. In response to that I turned into an automaton and her servant. I completely gave up myself. When I fell in love with my Mother, it was almost, but not totally, loving the her that was inside of me. She was already disarmed. Don't you just love this? I do not agree. I think love is first, biological. Pure chemistry. Especially between Baby and Mother. Then immediately it becomes attachment. An attachment that is so fierce and strong that it survives longer than a lifetime and every type of assault that comes to it. And when it becomes troubled, it protects itself through hate. The last thing love is for me is faith. The bracelet of love is a ball and chain. Of gold and silver and all of the jewels in the world. Those are judgments, Cedar. Judgments you make of yourself to blame yourself instead of your mother. Your mother is not a victim here. You are. I like this so much better than nothing to fear. Because you control it. There is always something to fear. I do not agree with this, either, although I like your imagery about a thermostat. I think you would be safe with your Mother, now. In a limited encounter that you control. Not because she is safe. Because you are strong. And prepared. Even if a hubcap falls off. You will know what to do and how to act. Like a lunch or dinner out, alone. *Does your mother still drive? I would hate the idea of your picking her up at your sister's house. I think it is a matter of choosing it. When. I think I am getting there. I think we all are. It is amazing to me Serenity's story. It seems that her accident and the response of her family changed something essential for her. And she felt in an instant, her gratitude and the bountiful love she had created in her life. Just like that. But it all was all already there. It is the same for you, Cedar. But you do now, Cedar. The thing is, we are all of us not really needing to go anywhere. All of what we need is already here. We are complete. It is only to see it. And feel it. Like did Serenity. We are the ones, now, who can and need give ourselves the sleeping beauty kiss. We may have done so already. COPA [/QUOTE]
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