Working out a "life plan" for me....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Dec 13, 2011.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's almost 3 years since husband died (tho he's is sorely missed) & the tweedles turn 18 next July.

    I've asked my therapist to put a stop to any talk of the tweedles unless I specifically say I need to discuss a situation as I've wasted to much time in therapy not dealing with me.

    I'm working with a vocational rehab counselor to see what my strengths are to possibly go back to work. I need to work, volunteer, something to get out of this house.

    I've worked hard to put my walker away (tho I have one in my car for emergencies) & the cane is almost gone as well. I'm a member of Luminosity (a brain training site) to work on my cognitive & memory issues after my brain injury.

    Saying all the above I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing ~ I'm to the point of being terrified of leaving the house by myself. I've lost my identity. I'm not a wife ~ no, I'm a widow & I hate that. I'm not a parent in the truest sense of the word ~ I don't like the tweedles & many days I'm sure I don't love them. I say I love you because that's the thing to do.

    I want to work in the geriatric community in some capacity. I want to work with people not the business end of things. I'm hoping to find a way to support myself so I can keep my home. I so don't want to lose my little house.

    I've always been so planful of the tweedles life skills & plans. Now I'm working on mine. I'm loving & hating it. Does that make sense.

    thanks for the ear ~ just felt the need to share.
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Linda, I so happy you're putting yourself on the front burner. For some of us, it is scary because we forget how. We couldn't imagine doing what's right for us because we just don't do that, everyone else is always first. There's this song called "Fight Like A Girl"....some of the words are..."you're brave and you're beautiful". You are brave and beautiful, and can do it. It's gonna be great. (hugs)
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Linda, I think many women "lose themselves" somewhere along the way. While your circumstances are unique the outcome is pretty common. What sorts of things did you enjoy participating in before the Tweedles? I know you enjoy seniors, piano, golf & painting. Is there any way you could volunteer at your local senior center and perhaps teach a painting class? Read to seniors?

    I have a friend here that has a job a senior companion: she drives people on errands, makes sure they're taking their medications and generally helping them maintain their independence. I believe her position is funded through a non-profit.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Makes total sense and I think it is a PERFECT idea to get you back into your own identity. You need to enjoy life again. You have been dealt a terribly difficult hand, now you have to figure out how that hand has changed you. You will not be the same TL you were when you adopted those children. But, you can still be the wonderful TL that we all know and love and have joy in your life again!!!

    It warms my heart to hear you speak of this! I am excited for you. Please keep us up to date on what you figure out. It will truly make my day to hear it!!!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Linda, good for you! It is high time you made yourself a priority.

    That is sooooo what I've been feeling for 3 months. Sort of like a drowning person trying to keep their face above the water.

    I was fairly independent before husband died. I'm not exactly sure why his death seems to have crippled me mentally. But it's scary and I hope it goes away soon.

    You've given the tweedles your all for years. They've had every opportunity because of it. It's now time to turn it and focus on helping yourself. Nothing at all wrong with that.

  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    How can you loose yourself if your post so poignantly points out the many things you have begun to FIND your way? (thinks,,,,,,,tapping fingers....thinking about that.....) Nah I'd say rather you're a Mom who has suffered tremendous PTSD to the max, and has just realized that short, and there is STILL pleeeeeeeeeentttttty of time FOR ME......and is going to grab the bull by the horns and go for a ride. aka: I've put away my walker, I've nearly not used my cane, I'm working with voc. rehab.....

    I don't see a lost person in any of that. I see a resilient, strong, woman who has her eyes and sights set on a goal. AND like the REST.OF.US...."IF" the kids manage to get over their disorder of cranialrectalidis from years of not being nice and being on Santas naughty list? Then so be it!! If not? So Be it too but moving forward is STILL the best way to be the SUPREME example to everyone (including our children) that LIFE GOES ON.

    Hugs and love Linda -
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad to read that you are accepting that a new life stage is about to begin. Each of us morphs as the years go by and when you have difficult child's the process kinda gets stuck by the regular needs that must be met. Focusing on your physical health first is brilliant as alot is determined by what you can and can not do comfortably. Analyzing your current strengths and interests should help guide you into the next phase of your life. You are bright, creative, dedicated and caring. Those attributes alone should lead you to a wonderful new place in your life. Hugs. DDD
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I have faith in your ability to persevere! You are strong, you are resilient and I KNOW you will succeed at whatever you set out to accomplish. Look at how much you've done already!:you_go_girl:
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    As so often happens, you take a difficult situation and end up inspiring many of us! You have started so many positive steps - INCLUDING changing your focus from the tweedles to yourself. I know that feels very very strange but I am willing to bet that it will feel freeing and great in a few weeks/months when you have adjusted to it. They are almost adults and it is time for you to have an empty nest in your mind as well as your home, if that makes sense? You are still their mom, but they have to create their own lfie and now you have to go rediscover your own.

    You have taken a lot of great early steps - NOT first steps because you are farther along than that even if it doesn't feel like it to you. You will again find things you like and things you don't. I have faith that you will find the things you want and need and will create a very satisfying life for yourself. I am sorry it has been so hard for you for the last years, but you are a very strong woman even if you cannot see it.

    That song "Fight Like a Girl" is great - says a whole lot, in my opinion.

    Go for It!!!!
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, something in your post jumped out at me. The part about losing your house. Arent you on disability? If so, you can work a bit while on that. I think up to around $700 or so a month and still keep your disability. That should allow you to work on yourself and your interests with some income would hopefully be enough to keep you afloat. I have no clue about the other stuff because I am a sinking ship at this point in time.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Linda... It seems, from your post, that you are doing great on working out your life plan.

    Sure, you feel lost. I would too, were I you. You've done everything for everyone else for so long - now it's time to look out for yourself, and you're out of practice.

    I think you made a great deal of sense, and you are moving along quite determinedly.

    FWIW - you are one of the people here I have looked up to, from the first day...
  13. Steely

    Steely Active Member


    I am sending you lots of positive energy and hugs. You have overcome so much...and you continue to tackle more. You are amazing.
  14. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* and holiday hopes for you finding a new path. Senior companions come in both volunteer and paid jobs, maybe you could volunteer first if that's your interest to be certain it's what you would want before training for a paid job. I'd think in the paid jobs you'd need to be able to help move them in an emergency, etc., and I'm not sure what your physical condition is right now.
  15. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    You can do it!
  16. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm sorry that I'm not on the site as often as I used to be to know what your current status is with the kids. From your signature it looks like Wm is still in the group home. What is Kt's status? The last I saw she was still at home- is she still?

    I ask, only because what you do next will depend a lot on what kind of independence and flexibility you have with your schedule, and most of that is how restrained you are with Kt's and Wm's needs. I have to say that I am positively THRILLED to read how well you are doing physically, Linda. I am very, very proud of you. It must have taken enormous intestinal fortitude to get as far as you have. You so rock!

    This crossroads is completely understandable if you are starting to feel stronger and have a little more independence. When I was at a similar crossroads I called our local high school and asked if I could go in and take some of their career program tests. Even if it's just for fun, it was interesting to take the tests to see where my *interests* were in respect to a career choice. It wasn't a surprise as much as it was a reinforcement of what I already thought.

    There are these free career "tests" online, too. Here are some links to give you some ideas:

    Career Tests |

    Free Career Tests, Personality Assessments, Job Advice & Resources |

    Career Test Center - Discover your ideal career

    Anyway, you get my drift- there are tons of sites out there if you type "career assessment tests" on Google.

    Another avenue is to call United Way. I did that at another point in my life when I wasn't working for income but did want to do volunteer work. At that time they had a person whose job was to match people's interests with open volunteer opportunities. I was matched with a couple of different programs and had a wonderful time with both of them.

    I will be watching your progress with interest. I hope this is a wonderful, empowering, turning point for you.

  17. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Suz, kt is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) until the 22nd. While she's been in treatment I've been working on my physical strength & pain control.

    Thank you all. It's been a long journey back & I have a ways to go. Most of my career options will depend on the evaluations I have completed at vocational rehab. I'm frustrated that I've lost so much do to my injury yet I'm looking for new opportunities.

    I'll keep you updated as I can.