Worried about difficult child again..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Jul 19, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Geez..I worry when he is not doing well, and I worry when he IS doing well.
    When difficult child first started middle school he had so many kids calling him all the time. (not very good kids) He fell into the "I want to be popular" crowd. Luckily Last summer he decided those kids weren't for him, and got involved with the cheerleading kids. Well towards the end of school, he had really no friends. This summer he hasn't gotten any phone calls from anyone. If I ask him to call someone he replies, "they hate me" or "they hang around with someone who hates me". so, I don't push it. He stays home almost every day. Rarely goes outside. Seems happy, but I know he would jump at the chance to do something with someone. He plays baseball, but again he tells me he doesn't get along with the kids on his team. He gets along with them only for baseball. I feel sad for him. When I ask him if he wants to go somewhere or do something, Like the water park..he says just the two of us. Won't even ask anyone.
    husband thinks he is afraid to ask because everyone always says no.

    Recently found out one of easy child's new friends is a sister to one of difficult child's old friend. Wealthy family, kid had everything he could ask for. He is in Juvy, and according to his sister he is no longer the families responsibility. Will not live at home again.
    Many of difficult child's ex-friends are in trouble with the law and/or drinking and drugs. So, I find myself wondering if difficult child is making good choices, or if what he says is true...Nobody likes me.
    He is now under 90 pounds, and does nothing besides baseball which will probably end tonight. He seems happy though. husband thinks he is just pretending. Why would he pretend?? difficult child does not confide in me about friend issues. I sometimes ask how someone is doing, and he just replies, nobody likes me.
    So..should I be feeling sad and worried for him, or should I be happy? He is such a social kid, always was a busy kid. Just odd to see him hanging around the house every day.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! One suggestion that came up with a friends child who was going through the same thing was acting workshops. It allowed him a creative outlet that also helped him open up to her. It was fun and exciting for him. At first he didn't want to actually do any of the "acting" stuff, but he got into the stage crew stuff and eventually lightened up enough to give the performance portion a try!

    Good luck!

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Maybe he IS making good choices. Teenagers can be scary. If he seems happy, in my opinion, I wouldn't worry about it. However, if he's in therapy, I'd address the "they hate me" comments to see if they're true.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    The worry never really abates does it? Truly he does sound like he is doing pretty good. Hang in there and big ((((kjs)))))
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is not something you can solve for him. My difficult child loses all her friends every year. She starts out the year making a few new ones and by mid-year half are gone. By end of school year - all of them have moved on to other friends.
    What can you do to change it? Try to teach him social skills. If he is anything like my difficult child, probably will not let you get to much info.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'd be worried, too. The fact that a formerly social kid is sitting around the house and saying no one likes him makes me think he's significantly depressed. Add to that the fact that he says he's fat and is losing weight. If this were my kid, I'd have him in to see the psychiatrist like yesterday.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, if this is the kid worrying about his weight, YES, I'd worry about depression, serious depression. Boys can sometimes hide it better.
  8. ShakespeareMamaX

    ShakespeareMamaX New Member

    As an outcast through school (and I guess, life), I can feel his pain. I had few friends, then, and even fewer friends, now (this time, by choice). I think the acting school idea is fantastic. Any kind of activity that your child may relate to... I think the other kids there, having that activity in common, may mesh better with your child.

    School's a rough place, although kids will usually find their place no matter what you do, but a nudge in the right direction couldn't hurt.

    Sample out some things. Instead of paying for program after program, ask the staff if your son and you could sit on the sidelines and watch a while. Encourage your son to ask the kids questions about what they think about the activities, what they're into, etc... Hopefully, this bit of social interaction will give your son the insight on whether he'd blend or collide with that certain crowd.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

    I would look into the depression, as well. I'd say, before any kind of medication changes, though, try and work on the social thing, first. Of course, I'm not a dr, so...well, again...good luck. <:}
  9. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Even though some activities may appeal to difficult child, he may do it, enjoy it, but rarely likes to do things regularly. He plays baseball..that he loves and he does stick with. Gets along with the kids during the games, but if I ask him to call someone from the team, he repeats, "they hate me".
    psychiatrist did suggest some depression, led me to believe Lamictal would help that. After the mess we had after the medication change last spring, psychiatrist is reluctant to try anything else. difficult child has done best with only Lamictal. Although he is showing more and more signs of depression, anxiety, sleeplessness.
    I am more worried because he doesn't ever want to eat.
    I SEE him eat sometimes. The fact that he is losing weight, growing taller and still thinks he is fat is disturbing. He currently weighed in just under 90 pounds and is 12.5 years old.
    Because of my work schedule I am not always there to supervise or cook meals.
    I will need to keep a closer eye on him.
  10. ML

    ML Guest


    We have the opposite problem. I can't keep difficult child out of the kitchen. I don't think the child has truly ever known hunger because he eats before he can experience the sensation lol. I too feel frustrated by work schedule and the fact that I can't control this better. Though I can't be the food police in all environments. Once they get into the school years they have to buy in to some extent.

    Here's to finding balance with food and life.