worried & pregnant

[maniacmansion]

I'm pregnant. Definately not planned, but deffinately keeping. I'm guessing about 2-3 months. I was getting worried & thinking something was wrong because I skipped Oct. & Nov. I took a test(actually3) & got negative, so I call the doctor. They say take one more & try to do it when you're at least semi-unstressed. I didn't know high stress could give a false negative(or3). I did, it was positive. Hubby freaked out & got 3 more. All positive. The problem is when C finds out he's gonna hit the roof. With as violent as he is I'm worried he'll try to hurt me & the baby. Any ideas on how to tell him without an armed guard at my side? I was thinking tell him at the counsler's office? Any thoughts are apprieciated(sp?).

 

[gcvmom]

Congratulations -- I'm sorry this is a source of anxiety for you. What if you were to pose the idea as a question to him? That might be less threatening to him than a direct statement of fact.

"Hey, C, what do you think about babies?" "What would you think about our family having another baby?" "How would you feel about..." "My friend so-and-so is having another baby, what do you think about that?"

You don't have to tell him anything definite now. I certainly wouldn't confirm anything until you are starting to show. That can buy you some time to get him used to the idea by casually discussing it. Just my 2 cents.

How did he do when your younger ones were born?

 

[maniacmansion]

He did really good with the first two, but not with the 4 year old. Problem is I get really big really fast, or at least I did with the others. My 4 year old is constantly begging to be a big sister & C throws fits & screams that he wants to be an only child any time he hears her. I'll keep praying that I'm worrying for no reason though. Funny thing is he keeps talking about having a baby when he turns 14. I've talked with him about it, but he's convinced 14 is the perfect age to be a father. WAY WAY to young!!!!!

 

[Hound dog]

Well, I doubt I'd be in a big hurry to tell him. Maybe therapist can give you some ideas.

Or you could tell him that this is his opportunity to practice for fatherhood at 14. (actually it ought to cure any desire, but you can leave that part out lol)

Physical violence by difficult child should have zero tolerance.

Congratulations on the baby. :smile:

 

[busywend]

Congratulations!

I understand your anxiety about telling him. I think at the therapist is a good idea.

Perhaps making it sounds like a family blessing?

It will probably just depend on what day/moment you choose to tell him and what mood he is in at that time. You could get a different reaction an hour later. At least that is how my difficult child would be.

 

[TerryJ2]

Congrats!
Gosh, I don't have any advice ... I'd ask the therapist for ideas. What a shame that something nice is potentially scary.
{{hugs}}

 

[witzend]

OK, I'm going to step right up and say it. You have four children already, one of which you are actively trying to give away to state foster care because you are afraid for the safety of your other children. Why on earth are you not planning pregnancies?

Honestly, if you are committed to bearing this child, you need to seriously consider adopting out the new one. Either that, or how you are going to protect the four from your oldest because it is seriously not thinking it through to be carelessly reproductive when you are in such an awful situation already.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I have to say that I agree with Witzend. My worries are for the younger children here. In addition, I worry about the baby's safety in vitro. If your older son gets aggressive, he my try to hurt that baby while you are pregnant.

I am not suggesting that you do something that you are uncomfortable with. I am pointing out all the possibilities, and perhaps some things that may not have occurred to you. I want to be happy for you, I really do. Instead, I find myself extremely scared for you in your situation.

You may want to do some big time soul searching. I will keep you foremost in my prayers.

 

[TerryJ2]

So, have you told him? What was the reaction?