Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Worried to Go Home
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 762837" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>I did not read the others replies, hopefully they align with mine. </p><p></p><p>Take a breath, and then another, and another. You are worried, and rightfully so. The thing is you have no control of your step son or your husband. You don't know what your step son will do and you do know your husband will do so much for him but really don't know how far he will go when the rubber meets the road, because you are not him. </p><p></p><p>I'm someone who had been in your husbands situation for over 10 years. I hoped/believed for many years that the reality I saw was not reality. I did bring my son back in after rehabs and failed sober living situations. My significant other did not live here but was very upset that I let it happen, over and over.</p><p></p><p>Lucky for me, he was here that last time when I had to call the police to have my son removed. I know they would not have taken the situation seriously if my significant other was not here. I would not have been listened to and been put in a situation of having to move out of my home while working for an eviction of my son, who was out of his mind from mental illness and drugs yet was able to present as a victim of me to the police who wanted only to be done with us. Except I had a witness, one witness, who was not emotionally connected as myself and my son were to the situation. </p><p></p><p>I'm thinking, considering, you should make a contingency plan. Not because of your step son but because you are not sure if your husband can hold tight just yet. I'm thinking you should have a go bag and a place to go to get out of dodge, just in case. I don't really think your husband will just let him in, don't think I would have done that to anyone else if this was the place they called home back then, but I really don't know because that was not my situation. If the worst happens you could tell your husband you love him and will continue to support him, from someplace else, but can't live in such a situation. No one should, it is a boundary issue, not a love and support issue, I know after years of this stuff but certainly didn't in the middle of dealing with the chaos of it. I'm so very grateful for the people who loved me through the chaos but did not get drawn into it with me back then. They are my rocks today. </p><p></p><p>Today I can say it's totally different, my son will not stay more than 24 hours here, he doesn't know why, but it will not happen longer than that. We are on very good terms. I get the hugs and "I love you mom" both in person and on phone every couple of days. He's been without hot water in his apartment (provided from a non-profit mental health organization) for almost a month now. He's more than welcome to come over, even with his friends, to take a hot shower, order a pizza from the local place, take a swim in the pool, hang out in the house or in my she shed smoking pot, not my thing but it's legal here now. He knows though, that he will never live here again, if he blows it in some way where he lives, it's his problem. I make it clear to him, when needed, that he's got a very good deal where he is, I love him, but he will not live here, he's an adult living as one as he see's fit and remind him that living under "mommy's" roof would not suit him, he agrees, lol!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 762837, member: 22840"] I did not read the others replies, hopefully they align with mine. Take a breath, and then another, and another. You are worried, and rightfully so. The thing is you have no control of your step son or your husband. You don't know what your step son will do and you do know your husband will do so much for him but really don't know how far he will go when the rubber meets the road, because you are not him. I'm someone who had been in your husbands situation for over 10 years. I hoped/believed for many years that the reality I saw was not reality. I did bring my son back in after rehabs and failed sober living situations. My significant other did not live here but was very upset that I let it happen, over and over. Lucky for me, he was here that last time when I had to call the police to have my son removed. I know they would not have taken the situation seriously if my significant other was not here. I would not have been listened to and been put in a situation of having to move out of my home while working for an eviction of my son, who was out of his mind from mental illness and drugs yet was able to present as a victim of me to the police who wanted only to be done with us. Except I had a witness, one witness, who was not emotionally connected as myself and my son were to the situation. I'm thinking, considering, you should make a contingency plan. Not because of your step son but because you are not sure if your husband can hold tight just yet. I'm thinking you should have a go bag and a place to go to get out of dodge, just in case. I don't really think your husband will just let him in, don't think I would have done that to anyone else if this was the place they called home back then, but I really don't know because that was not my situation. If the worst happens you could tell your husband you love him and will continue to support him, from someplace else, but can't live in such a situation. No one should, it is a boundary issue, not a love and support issue, I know after years of this stuff but certainly didn't in the middle of dealing with the chaos of it. I'm so very grateful for the people who loved me through the chaos but did not get drawn into it with me back then. They are my rocks today. Today I can say it's totally different, my son will not stay more than 24 hours here, he doesn't know why, but it will not happen longer than that. We are on very good terms. I get the hugs and "I love you mom" both in person and on phone every couple of days. He's been without hot water in his apartment (provided from a non-profit mental health organization) for almost a month now. He's more than welcome to come over, even with his friends, to take a hot shower, order a pizza from the local place, take a swim in the pool, hang out in the house or in my she shed smoking pot, not my thing but it's legal here now. He knows though, that he will never live here again, if he blows it in some way where he lives, it's his problem. I make it clear to him, when needed, that he's got a very good deal where he is, I love him, but he will not live here, he's an adult living as one as he see's fit and remind him that living under "mommy's" roof would not suit him, he agrees, lol! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Worried to Go Home
Top