worse than ever

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Apr 14, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    AFter yesterdays episode with the boys shooting difficult child and destroying many things, difficult child was the saddest I ever saw. husband and I DID blow up at him. After a cooling down period I tried to talk to him, but he pushes me away. I tried to get him to go to the ice-rink/plex for teen night (middle school) He use to enjoy this. But said nobody wants him there. So, I left it alone.
    He has been just smart mouthed, yelling, hitting himself. Today he told me he was an airplane and started making airplane sounds. I don't know if he was just playing around or what's going on. He has been looking forward to doing this science experiment for weeks. Now we are ready to do it, (must be done at the park down the street). I told him I wanted to come (dad too). I told him I would take pictures. He SCREAMED at me that HE would be taking the pictures. I said OK. Then he informed me one of the buttons on his camera doesn't work. He showed it to me, and it has a one year warranty I said, "well, I'll see what I can do." I then told him if he uploads them to the computer you can delete them from the camera that way. Only he interrupted me 5 times and never let me finish, because he knows it all and it doesn't work that way. I DID this so I wanted him to know he CAN delete that way for now. But after him interupting me 5 times and not letting me get to the part about deleting. I was getting louder, he was getting louder. I just wated to be a part of his project. He said "GO AWAY, JUST GO AWAY" very loudly. So, I said I would. Wend and did some errons. Then husband enterd and the whole thing started again, only he changed his part and said I started screaming. He wouldn't even look at me without screaming so loudly. So, he said lets ask Ryan (brother who is down stairs) He want down and I heard difficult child SCREAM and yell. He told me to get out of here. So, at this point. I want to get out of here. I only wanted to be part of the science experiment...by the way , the homework that we have to MAKE him do.

    Could it me from dropping lexapro? Raising lamictal? adding remeron? Or is this what they do. Just want there mothers to disappear. And if I had any friends or family I would disappear. You guys are it. All I have to talk to. Don'e always expect a reply. Just good to get it out of me.
    Thank you.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    When were all of the medication changes made? How much were they increased/decreased?

    Whenever SSRIs like Lexapro are discontinued, the child can experience withdrawal syndrome that can make you feel as if you want them back on the SSRI (but they don't need to be). It does take a while for them to settle down from SSRI withdrawal.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Absolutely it can be from stopping Lexapro, but it doesn't mean he NEEDS Lexapro. There is a pretty bad withdrawal syndrome when you discontinue SSRIs. Trust me, I know first hand. Even if you wean off of them, you can kind of go crazy for a while afterwards. I have no idea why doctors don't tell you this. I found out on the internet. You can actually go kind of "off" by discontinuing ANY antidepressant. At one time I had a toxic reaction to Tofranil and my doctor told me to stop taking it. The withdrawal week was hell. I was not in control of anything I did and, at my worst, I slammed the car into the wall of the garage wall. It didn't get better until they put me back on a milder form of that ad, but I really needed an antidepressant--some people do worse on them. Depending on how long your child was on Lexapro (which is like strong Celexa) and his own personal reaction to withdrawing from it, he may get considerably worse before his body chemistry finally rights itself, then he should slowly get better. I don't like kids on SSRIs because I know what they can do. But it's JMO.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I don't have an answe for you as far as the medication goes. My difficult child was just diagnosis 2 days ago, and I am a newbie. But my heart aches for you as I read what your difficult child says to you. My difficult child has told me she wishes I was already in heaven, she wishes she had never been born, and that she hates me. She has been saying these things for 2 years, and she is only 6.
    I really make it my business not to let her know how that effects me. A~she feeds off of it. B~she does not really mean it.
    It does hurt like hell though. Hugs to you, and good luck with balancing the medications.
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Kjs, sorry to hear that difficult child is so very unstable at this time. I'd run this by psychiatrist; let him know the presenting behaviors & mood lability.

    I can't answer the medication questions - unfortunately, only time will tell.

    Take a deep breath - this too shall pass. :whew:
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    What you describe is what we live with, with difficult child 3 and to a certain extent also with easy child 2/difficult child 2. I put it all down to anxiety, with our kids. The anxiety in their cases is connected to their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but boy, is this familiar!

    Especially the digital camera - it's difficult child 3, all over!

    The more you push against it, the worse it is. Think of a tug of war - you pull one way, he pulls another. While you're pulling hard each in your own direction, you're going nowhere but getting tired and more frustrated.

    If you refuse to pull on your end of the rope, he will go his own way but not far. If you go his direction with him, then you are here when he needs you to help him. But he wants to work it out for himself - let him work it out for himself. TELL him if you want to, that you know there is an easy answer and if he wants you to, you will do it for him; but otherwise, leave him to it. Only intervene in a matter of safety - if he's about to smash the camera, for example. And keep yourself calm. The smart-mouthing, the abuse, the whole shebang - it's frustration and anxiety. If you react, you make his frustration and anxiety worse, so if he's already not exerting self-control, do you think he will do better if he's MORE anxious? I doubt it.

    You can't medicate this problem away. You can try to ease anxiety with calming medication, you can also try to medicate to help them concentrate better and so see the answer more easily, but there's not much more that drugs can do. You need behaviour modification, and he can't do it alone. To modify his behaviour, you need to control his environment better (which means modifying your behaviour, and husband's - a tall order, the more people are involved) and you need to get him equipped with skills that HE can learn to use, to reduce his frustration and anxiety response.

    This experiment is something he really wants to do - this is only going to make his anxiety worse. He's scared of not doing a perfect job. The slightest thing going wrong is going to set him off, worse than usual.

    This is not going to get better while you're trying to fix every little thing he says and does wrong. You can't do it (it's exhausting and upsetting); he can't do it ("where do I start?").

    Help him with his anxiety, first and foremost. Don't punish him for anything even remotely anxiety-related - instead, do your best to help him reduce his anxiety. It's frustrating, but your frustration, bad as it is, doesn't come close to what is triggering him. In his head, it's like living on the slopes of an active, erupting volcano and trying to convince everyone else it's time to leave, when they can't see the lava flow about to engulf them. he is living with this panic - of course he swears and gets abusive. It's not right, but it should be understandable. And if/when you can help him regain self-control, he will agree with you and learn to not speak so rudely. But this needs time, care and probably ongoing professional support.

    Read "The Explosive Child". It will be a big start, if you can take it on board with him.