Worst Mommy week of my life...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by totoro, Nov 30, 2007.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well I guess all of the BS, lack of sleep, Mania, Phone calls from Stepdad, husband being gone, K doing horrible fro so long, her psychiatrist still not calling back, my medication changes... all of it... finally hit me.

    Tuesday night I was frazzled all 3 of us were sick... K was agitated I hadn't been sleeping. I was trying to get N ready for bed. I had her Calms Forte in one hand and my evening dose of Topomax (2x50mg) in my other hand, I was running around trying to get water, trying to calm K, worried about Indy downstairs...

    I handed N my medications... before I realized what I did she put them in her mouth and chewed then up, I turned around and grabbed her and and tried to rinse her mouth out. I shoved my finger down her throat and got her to throw up.
    I had no-one to call.
    I had to get K calmed down, got her in bed, got Indy out to potty, got N downstairs... this took 20 minutes.
    By this time, she was spinning... frantically, then she started screaming... "No, No, Make it stop." She started clawing at my face. I grabbed the phone and called 911... she peed all over me... it took about 5 minutes to get here.

    She was hallucinating and laughing and screaming. :crying:

    I ended up spending 5 hours in the ER until they felt she was not going to get worse. I ended up calling the neighbor to come stay with K.
    We sat in the ER, she was up and down, it was horrible, she was screaming, hallucinating, begging me to make it stop, but didn't know who I was. Kept trying to jump off of the tables.
    They let us go home. I was supposed to watch her and wake her every hour. bring her back if she changed at all, etc.

    I stayed up with her all night... 2 days later she was still not completely normal. I was so scared. :crying:
    husband flew home the next day... we had to have a long discussion about changes that needed to be made for everyone. I need to sleep!!!

    So yesterday we took N in to our pediatrician, who is awesome. She knows her medications... She feels with N's size 31#'s and the amount possibly ingested, it could take 7 days to completely matabolize her system... she feels if we do not see improvement after that she needs to see a psychiatrist for a full evaluation.
    I felt better after seeing her.

    Needless to say, I sunk into a pretty deep depression the next day... I slept a lot, and just felt horrible, I was a nightmare, watching my 3 yo go through that. Since then every day she clings to me and says "Mommy are we OK"

    Today she is much better, but this is just one of those things that just sends you spinning... husband's cousin was trying to be nice and wrote and said she had done something like this when she gave her kid too much antibiotic... I know she was just trying to be nice, but it really was nothing like this, the kid had not reaction, he did not have to go to the doctor... nothing... Of course the whole family is all talking about it. They are trying to be nice, but they really don't know all of the circumstances that lead up to this.

    Any way I am having a hard time...We are slowly getting back.

    That darn Puppy is doing great!!! He is keeping us all semi sane!!! He taught himself how to use the Cat door!!! Genius!!!

    Thanks for reading this far... I missed you all... I feel so stupid... :thumbsdown:
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hon, it was a tragic, horrid mistake. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. I'm willing to bet it is something that will never happen again.

    It sounds like your little one is going to be fine, the pup will find a way to get caught in the cat door one day and life will go on.

  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Lack of sleep can be an awful thing and then add to much on your plate at the same time, and it's very understandable how you could make a mistake like that.

    Just remember, it was a mistake. Nothing you did on purpose so don't beat yourself up. Take it as a huge warning that things have to change.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    ((((((((((((((((((((the biggest hugs in the world))))))))))))))))))))

    PLEASE give yourself a break. You are not stupid, it was a mistake. Oh, you poor thing. I DO know how you feel. When Copper was 18 months old, I was playing outside with her and my brother. I accidentally hit her in the head with a Louisville Slugger. DCFS was on me for MONTHS. Yah. I felt stoooooooopid. And GUILTY!!! I still cringe when I think about it. But it was an accident.

    Make the changes that you need to. Get some rest. Kiss those girls. Find some time to spend with husband (you have a pretty good husband there). And give yourself a break.

  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending hugs. Take some time to breathe. I know when you need sleep and things are crazy that it can be hard to do that. Mistakes happen. But we move on. Sounds like you are working on that.

    Again sending some more hugs.

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhhhhhhh, nooooo! I am SO sorry!
    I can see exactly how it happened. It was a wakeup call and as long as you learn from it, you'll be fine.
    Kids are resilient. You will find that she recovers, physically and mentally, way sooner than you do!
    I know what you feel like, in reg. to beating yourself up emotionally.
    So sorry.

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ohhh Honey...I can so relate. Im constantly terrified that Keyana will somehow manage to get ahold of one of my pills even though I keep them in a weekly pill container and in a safe. But ya know, accidents happen. My hands arent as good as they used to be and sometimes pills slip through my fingers. I think I notice it when it happens...but how can I be sure 100% of the time?

    Whenever I see her with something in her mouth Im making her open her mouth for me to see! Its even worse if somehow she has gotten ahold of skittles or something that even looks like a pill...I start freaking out...lol.

    Oh...and maybe why this scares me...Cory drank an entire bottle of face cleanser when he was 18 months old. It was pink and I guess looked like soda or something. He was drunker than a skunk.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We are all only human. As bad as this was for your little one, if this did not happen - who knows what could have come next if this eye opener did not happen.

    You all need to sit back and relax, calmly figure out what your family needs.

    Let me tell you - NOBODY is supermom. I know, cause I tried! LOL! It is not possible. You MUST ask for help. I now strive to be a good mom, not perfect, the best or super. Just good. It is enough. Really.

    Big hugs for your hurting mommy heart. You must look passed it though. Do not let this eat you up. We all have to pick ourselves up by the tail at times when living the lives we live.

    :warrior: You are still a warrior mom!
  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Thanks you guy's. It truly means so much to me to hear kind words right now especially from people who honestly know where I am at mentally and emotionally.

    You are my village right now and I feel like the idiot... LOL
    I took Indy Little Poopy Pants for a walk this morning it was in the teens, through the snow, before any was up. It was really nice.
    I just enjoyed being alive and the moment...it felt good. When I got home N was worried about where I was. But she is doing better!!! She slept through the night and seems more like herself.... :whew:

    I am still nervous, but I am trying to move forward and not hang on to this.
    We are going to try and get our tree today....
    We started decorating yesterday... made us all feel better.

    Thank you all.... I am blessed to have this place.
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    We are equally blessed to have you in this place.
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Sorry, I am coming into this late, I just saw this............
    Ohhh!!!!! BIG, BIG, hugs! :frown:
    I can't imagine how horrible this must have been for you!
    You are NOT stupid, you are tired!!!! Stressed!!!! Mommy million tasking!!!! We all have been there done that.........
    Almost every night, I dole out difficult children medications to him, and then take mine. You have no idea how many times I have almost taken his medications, and vice a versa. As busy mom's, we just get in robotic mode, doling, giving, etc. And if we are not careful we have given the wrong medications, or the dogs the cat food, or whatever.
    Still, I understand the guilt, I would feel the same way. (Which, by the way, is an indicator you are a great mom.)

    Give N and K a big hug - and sir von poppy pants a kiss -
    And take some much needed time for yourself this weekend. You deserve it.
  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Glad you had a good walk this morning! It sounds beautiful.

    Being human, you're going to make mistakes. Being human, you're going to feel guilty about those mistakes. This one could have had tragic results but you caught it in time and did all the right things. All will be well with your little one and I'm willing to bet you'll never ever have your medications in hand unless they're ready to be popped into your mouth. So, forgive yourself and do remember that you reacted perfectly after it happened, your little one will be fine and you're allowed to be human and make mistakes. It comes with the territory.

    Hope you and Sir Poopy have another nice walk this evening!
  13. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: busywend</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    NOBODY is supermom. I know, cause I tried! LOL! It is not possible. You MUST ask for help. I now strive to be a good mom, not perfect, the best or super. Just good. It is enough. Really.

    Big hugs for your hurting mommy heart. You must look passed it though. Do not let this eat you up. We all have to pick ourselves up by the tail at times when living the lives we live.

    :warrior: You are still a warrior mom!


    I beg to differ! I think we're all super moms because we're all striving for the best that our kids can get. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

    Totoro: it was a mistake! Keep this in mind: you think you're the worst mom in the world, but every step you took was the correct one. You didn't blame anyone, you figured out! Then you did everything that you needed to do, you took care of your daughter and made her feel loved througout!

    You're still great in my book!

  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm so sorry you had to go through that nitemare. (I know how I'd have felt in the same position)

    Don't let the guilt eat you up. You're human, we're all human. It was an awful mistake. It's over. Let it go. You'll always be more careful in the future.

    I'm anal when it comes to medications and medication bottles in our home. All are put out of little hands reach in the top of a kitchen cabinet.

    Why? Travis ODed on a sealed bottle of children's tylenol at age 2, I didn't figure it out til I found the empty bottle, and by then poison control told me it had all but worn off. Good thing I didn't want him to take a nap that afternoon or he might not have woken up. (stupid me couldn't figure out why he was so dopey and tired!)

    You're one heck of a :warrior: Mom for holding it together and getting her to the ER.

  15. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Thanks guy's... She is doing much better... still having a bit of a hard time staying warm? But getting back to her feisty self!!! YEAH!!! I Love her so much... I cuddle with her every night, and I really do enjoy it.
    I love her stinky breath in the morning... her stinky little toes... her sweet little 3 yo kisses and hugs. She tells me she loves me and means it. She is a funny little kid, who spins and toe walks, who self stims like crazy... we can't figure out what her deal is... and right now I just don't care...
  16. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Mistakes happen - especially to frazzled tired moms. And what mom isn't, on occasion, tired & frazzled.

    I've doubled dosed kt 3 times; I've given wm kt's medications & vice versa. It's a wonder that they have survived me. And they did.

    I learned after those incidents that I needed help. Okay sleep & help. toto, you have your hands full & it's okay to let go of a part of the mommy job.

    Part of the services we had rec'd here was homemaking. That 6 hours a week of someone coming in & cleaning/doing laundry was a huge blessing. I could concentrate on the big stuff (setting up medications, psychiatrist, therapist appts, etc , etc, etc, & sleep) & not worry about clean socks. I had no pride - never cleaned before the cleaning lady got here. Just let her do her job.

    And I'm about to hire another cleaning lady. It's necessary.

    What one thing can be taken off your plate to help you make it through the daily grind?

    Give it some thought.

    by the way, you're still a supermom, even if you ask for help. Probably more so because you recognize your limitations at this point.
  17. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Scary stuff. Makes us all stop and think. We all could be in that same position.

    I'm glad you shared this with all of us. Perhaps this will make us all stop and double check ourselves. Maybe you just saved another kid from going through a similar reaction.

    Thank God she's fine. One good thing that you have in your corner is that since she is so young, she will probably not remember this happened in a few months.
  18. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am so glad that she is feeling better. That has got to be easing your mind.

    And how are you doing?
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That gives me a thought T.

    I keep my medications in a weekly medication container in my room. I take them at the appropriate times but always in my room.

    Can you put each kids medications in a different color medication container and keep them in a cabinet and send in one kid at a time. Or take the medications at a certain time each day. Dinner time, bath time, reading time. I used to color code the boys caps on their ritalin bottles. I painted them with markers.
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    (((cue the super hero music))))

    When you figure out HOW to be ANYTHING OTHER than human - will you please PM me? I'm exhausted after so many years of trying to be an action figure for my kids. In my mind I should look muscely, and smiley, and perfect form. In real life I'm the barbie in the corner of the toy chest, without clothes on, a broken off leg from being forced to ride a plastic horse, and my hair cut so short I look as though I secretly phoned the Bosley hair clinic - and then there is the indellible marker on my face making me look like a Las Vegas hooker.

    You're a Mom. Not an action figure. You are going to make mistakes - but how about giving yourself a teensy bit of credit for KNOWING what you did, for KNOWING how to react in an emergency, and for KNOWING that while it was a wrong thing - you made it as RIGHT as you could. You have a conscience - Welcome to the Mom's club. We ain't alright - but we ain't all wrong.


    and yes - what a little genius - the cat door.