Would it be bad...

[flutterbee]

..if I hid in my room when ex gets her to pick up easy child?

He's coming tonight (Saturday) to pick up easy child. I don't feel good and I've gained so much weight. OMG. I can't stand to look at myself and I've been so self-conscious the last couple weeks. And I'm feeling very vulnerable. Not that I give any weight to his opinion, but I just can't deal with it right now.

And next weekend, my sister in law and niece are coming. I haven't met them in person. I don't think my brother will be coming to my house with them (he better not), but...ugh. I want to meet them. I really do. I just don't want anyone to see me.

I'm such a wimp.

And I won't hide in my room.

 

[Fran]

You are NOT YOUR WEIGHT.
Freshen yourself up, put on a nice clean outfit, fix your hair, put on some make up and be the beautiful woman you are. There are a lot of things you have had success with. Weight (at this time) isn't one of them. So what!
Remember what you have achieved and that we are all a work in progress.

Love your body. Love yourself and then go out like you are a beauty queen. Your body is perfect with added weight and without added weight. It's all part of the mosiac that is you. Don't let one aspect be the only aspect of who you are.

 

[KateM]

It's really difficult when you're not feeling good about your appearance! I'm in a constant struggle with my weight and I can relate to your feelings!

Although I have gone through periods when my weight was up and I didn't want to buy any clothes until I lost weight, I did make sure I had a few pieces that made me feel attractive and comfortable.

I like Fran's advice.

And if you do feel that you want to make some changes in yourself -- FOR yourself-- head over to the Healthful Living forum. Great support for anyone looking to better health!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

WOW do I get it. I skipped my 20th HS reunion because I gained so much weight.

Understanding hugs.

 

[Abbey]

Ditto, ditto, ditto.

Be proud of yourself and not concerned what others think. That is THEIR deal, not yours.

Just enjoy the visit.

Abbey

 

[flutterbee]

Thanks, ladies.

You're right...I am not my weight. I had gotten past that before. I had always been very thin and agonized over every pound. A little anorexia. But, I had gotten past it and realized that I am not my weight and have more to offer than my physical appearance.

But the last two weeks have been difficult in that respect. It's not like I suddenly ballooned over night, but...I don't know...my resources are down, I suppose. And I am heavier than I ever have been or ever imagined I would be. It's almost like in the last 2 weeks I've gone from being overweight to being fat. I guess that's probably more psychological, though, huh?

And because of my health issues and not being able to do much, I'm just not feeling like I have much to offer. So, I guess that's why the weight thing is bothering me more.

I do have some really cute clothes that I just got this spring. Had to. My other stuff wasn't fitting. Sigh. And it does help when you have clothes that fit and make you feel feminine. As opposed to a blob.

But, I will put a smile on my face and carry on. Fake it until you make it, you know.

 

[nvts]

Heather! Stop it now! BBK and I can truly feel what you're feeling, but think of this:

It's going to be easier to get through your ex seeing you (because you don't give a fig about what he thinks anyway!) than it will meeting your sister in law.

Practice, practice, practice!

You have been through so much! Let's not add agoraphobia to the list! lol

You're a beautiful, strong, independent woman who's been through hell and back again.

Weight is only a definition in YOUR mind. If you don't mind it, it shouldn't be something that would define you!

Cheering for you!

Beth

 

[Abbey]

You know, Heather, I have been a tall, natually thin woman 'most' of my life. But, in the last 15 years, I gained a LOT of weight. I think I topped out at about 190.

When you're tall, you tend to carry the weight a bit easier than a shorter person. So...I just kept going, but inside I was hugely embarrased.

Sixty pounds lighter, I've learned one thing - it's not about weight but about how you feel about yourself. I feel the same about myself at 130 than I do at 190. That is the issue I need to deal with.

Don't worry about weight. People either love you for who you are, or they're a fake.

Abbey

 

[Andy]

Don't feel like you have much to offer? What????? Where did that come from???? Have you been paying attention to these posts? You have lots to offer - from serious to funny and everything in between. I value your input (even when you tease me).

Let your personality shine through and nothing else will matter.

Take care of yourself (are you getting enough fruits, veggies, water, rest?)

 

[Hound dog]

Heather

Picking up pounds is tough on a person. I'm carrying an extra 70 right now around my middle. I don't gain it anywhere else. A good 20 of those pounds I put on in the past 2-3 weeks. I don't like it one bit, but I do know my gain is purely stress related.

You are not your weight my dear. You are an awesome person, and a warrior Mom.

I'm glad you went out and bought you some nice clothes that fit. You're right, it does make you feel better when you have something decent to wear no matter what you're size. I just went and did the same thing. lol Figure I can sell them in a yard sale once I get the weight back off.

Weight is flexible. Everyone knows it, whether they admit it or not. Try not to make it any more than it is. (hard I know)

I deal with mine by telling myself that my grandma wore a size 14/16 as long as I could remember. I remember she held her weight exactly as I do. And you know what???

I thought she was beautiful!

Hugs

 

[4sumrzn]

Grrr....so mad...my original reply went "poof". Try again....


Heather, Heather, Heather.......maybe it's in the "name". LOL! I have gone from anorexic in high school....gaining 60 pounds with easy child.....borderline anorexic.....don't give a sh!t (blimp up).....lose a little....gain 60 more with difficult child....on & on. I've been on a roller coaster with weight forever! The health issues REALLY don't help AT ALL!

I must say...Fran brought tears to me eyes. She's right. I've been trying so very hard to follow what she says. It's difficult....good days & bad. I've always felt that nobody around me can be happy unless I'm happy with me. That's a mind roller coaster, same as the weight one. In other words....I've been trying to jump off of the roller coasters.

I'm thinking.....you should put on those new clothes, look in the mirror & remind yourself what a beautiful person you are. Inside & out. Stand up tall & smile

by the way.....noticed in another post...would you happen to be a July "Leo"? Just thought I would ask.....I am

~Heather

 

[flutterbee]

You guys are the best. *sniff*

Until I started gaining this weight, I was never bigger than a size 6 and was usually closer to a 4. And I agonized over my weight. When I went from 103 pounds to 108 pounds, I switched to diet coke and wouldn't put on shorts. Stupid, I know.

As I gained weight, it bothered me a little, but really I was ok with it. I like to think that I had overcome all those issues, but I think it was more that I was sick (undx'd heart disease) and didn't really have the energy to care. This is also when I quit wearing makeup and just started pulling my hair back in barrettes every day. I just didn't have the energy to do anything else.

After the angioplasty, I lost 13 pounds without trying. But, then I had way more energy than I had in years so I was more active just because I felt good.

I've since put those 13 pounds back on and then some. I am 70 pounds heavier than my heaviest weight before the weight gain. And I would swear that over the last 2 weeks the weight has shifted to my abdomen and neck and face. It's probably all in my head, though.

And I am feeling more vulnerable right now. easy child is leaving and I always hate that. I don't know what I'm going to do when he moves out. I don't think he'll be allowed. Ex always told me I was fat even when I was a size 4. Even though I really don't give a damn about his opinion and have some not so nice opinions of him...some of those old things linger.

I think it all boils down to feeling kinda fragile right now. And I think that's from a combination of things. And the weight is the most visible.

I will keep telling myself what you ladies have told me. I'm going to print this out and tape it to my mirror and everytime I start to slip, I'll read it.

 

[Abbey]

My gosh. A size 6? Does that actually exist? Seriously. I saw a size zero in the store the other day. The first thing I wanted to do is go buy whoever is a size zero a big fricking Big Mac. What does a size zero weigh? 70lbs? This is adult clothing, not teens.

I went from a 'girl's' size 14 to an adult 14 in the space of about a month. I was 13. I know, because I had to buy patterns to make my own clothes. Have to have the right size!! Now, we are corn fed mid-western girls, so we tend to be on the 'thick' side.

In the end, it's the inner you that needs to prevail. Hang touch.

Abbey

 

[flutterbee]

Oh, Heather, I'm a Cancer. We're all water signs. easy child is a Cancer and difficult child is a Pisces.

Not an emotional house or anything.

 

[Wiped Out]

Heather,
Sorry I didn't see this till tonight. The others have said everything so well. You are beautiful inside and out. Anyone who can't see that isn't worth worrying about. Hugs.

 

[flutterbee]

Well, I kept myself busy cleaning the house and doing 8 loads of laundry. I did sit down between each chore and rest, but I think my left pinky is the only thing that doesn't hurt.

But, I didn't obsess on it cause I was too busy. After I showered, I did my eyebrows (they really needed it). I didn't do makeup because it's just so humid and I still needed to go out and water. It would have just slid right off. I was going to wear a skirt, but decided to wear a cute pair of capris that I got from QVC and a new top that is kind of flouncy. easy child doesn't like it cause he says it comes down too low. LOL It doesn't. It's perfectly respectable. He's just being funny about his mom. But, flouncy doesn't lay against the tummy and looks better. Feels better, too. And is very feminine.

easy child worked until 9:30. At 9:45 his dad calls to find out if easy child is home yet. Then he said that he thought easy child was going to meet him at the hotel. The only problem is that he's not staying at the hotel he thought he was. So, I told him, drive over to the hotel you told him and look for him. Duh. Are all men really this helpless??? easy child ended up coming straight home from work like his dad told him to earlier when easy child talked to him. Have to wonder how the man gets dressed by himself.

His dad finally made it hear around 10:00pm and I was too tired and sore to give a darn what he thinks. And as I was sitting there looking at him, I realized that he's really aging. He's only 36. I'd put him closer to 40. Ok. I know that's not old. Don't start throwing tomatoes at me. But, when I remember him, I remember him as early 20's. He's mostly grey and his face is looking haggard. At least my hair is still red - even if it does come out of a bottle.

easy child is staying with him at the hotel tonight. He didn't want to, but his dad was getting mad. I was getting ready to have to tell him to leave if he didn't chill. (I don't do men yelling in my house. I was never safe in my home before and I WILL be safe in my home now.) I can understand his dad wanting him there, but easy child is a homebody and his dad really hasn't done much to foster a good relationship. easy child was still thinking about staying home, but as it's now 1:42AM, it looks like he's staying at the hotel.

difficult child is at a friends and I have the house all to myself. It's soooo quiet. easy child will stop by in the morning to say goodbye.

Abbey, when I wore a size 6 I weighed around 120. Add 70 to that (ok...73) and.... I can't make myself say it.

But, you ladies really helped me keep this in perspective. I'm so grateful for all of you.

 

[witzend]

I'm glad that you got through your funk Heather. And I'm glad that he's a little old and haggard looking!

 

[flutterbee]

You know, witz, it was strangely satisfying.

 

[meowbunny]

Sorry I missed this before. Okay, I admit it, I have a very large vindictive streak in me. I'm sooooo glad the ex looked haggard and older than his age. He deserves it.

As to you, my dear, goodie, we're both fat. Ya know, when your health is better you can work on losing the weight. It's just something you're lugging around right now. It is not you. You are the person I look forward to chatting with, gossiping, being silly, discussing our brats, whining, etc. You are funny, wise, far more intelligent than you give yourself credit for, kind, caring. Oh, phooey, I'm running out of adjectives but you are all of that and so much more. Hmmm ... maybe the extra weight is because you've grown up and become all of those things? They needed a bigger person to fit?

Anyway, hugsssssssssss!

 

[4sumrzn]

Sounds like you did just fine I'm glad to hear it.