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would it be easier to homeschool him?
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 353424" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>I am a huge advocate of homeschooling for many reasons. I plan to do it with my baby diva some day.</p><p> </p><p>HOWEVER, please think long and hard before doing so with a difficult child. Although public school is not the ideal situation for my difficult child our experiences home schooling were awful. This is of course just what happened at my house...</p><p> </p><p>*difficult child has some oppositional issues. This made managing moods and behavior very hard. I had the *ahem* "distinct pleasure" of being the parent AND teacher. Trying to keep difficult child focused and working on school projects and being mom to enforce rules and chores later was just too much. He ended up resenting the situation and myself very much. He and I get along better if I am JUST Mom.</p><p> </p><p>*My difficult child in particular thrives on routine, even if it is things he dislikes such as bedtimes, school etc. The sudden change after so many years of school structure caused him stress. He just couldn't deal with a more relaxed, success vs. grades set up. I focused on mastery vs. grades and he just could not deal with it. The lack of grades (to avoid failures and their label) made him angry because he saw no clear goal. That was a teaching style choice on my part though. I could not get a public schooler to unschool.</p><p> </p><p>*Lots of extra hours in the day for him to drain my precious emotional reserves.</p><p> </p><p>*My difficult child does have socialization problems. Though we had things such as scouts, 4H etc. it wasn't enough. He has habits of avoiding social situations so it became easier for him not to make the effort. He was isolated. That was the single determining factor that turned the tables toward public school. Even if he is a shut in outside of school he still has guys he shoots hoops with at lunch, even if there is nothing else. It's as close to haelthy as he is able to manage right now. Losing that would be a huge step back for us.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><u>There were advantages</u>, he did gain ground academically. He went from being behind to getting ahead. All that was lost when he returned to public school though. The school allows him to slack and work beneath his abilities.</p><p> </p><p>I have seen homeschooling go well and I have seen it fail miserably. I have an extended family member who was a difficult child that got homeschooled due to some issues. He is now 25, never had a job, has NO friends, never leaves his mothers house unless he is forced to and is generally just an unhappy person. He is a mess. He had an ulcer because kids bullied him so much in junior high. Now he is literally crippled socially. Kids are cruel. I got bullied too. It's a painful life lesson we all have to survive. The world has mean people, it's just an ugly fact of life. If our kids can't overcome this hurdle how will they cope with a mean boss or rude neighbor some day?</p><p> </p><p>Could your difficult child benefit from some counseling to help deal with social anxiety, maybe also get some coping skills for stress etc.? Is it possible that some of your difficult child's worries make the situation feel worse than it may be? My difficult child has one of those personalities that attracts bullies, I know how it goes. In his case he had to learn how to behave in a more socially acceptable manner.</p><p> </p><p>Then there are those brilliant homeschoolers that get full rides to a university.</p><p> </p><p>Homeschooling has incredible benefits but you have to weigh your difficult child's particular quirks/behaviors and decide what is best for difficult child's long term needs not just what makes them happy in the short term. It may work for you...</p><p> </p><p>Summer break is very soon. Had you considered doing a trial run to see how it goes before making an official withdrawl?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 353424, member: 8617"] I am a huge advocate of homeschooling for many reasons. I plan to do it with my baby diva some day. HOWEVER, please think long and hard before doing so with a difficult child. Although public school is not the ideal situation for my difficult child our experiences home schooling were awful. This is of course just what happened at my house... *difficult child has some oppositional issues. This made managing moods and behavior very hard. I had the *ahem* "distinct pleasure" of being the parent AND teacher. Trying to keep difficult child focused and working on school projects and being mom to enforce rules and chores later was just too much. He ended up resenting the situation and myself very much. He and I get along better if I am JUST Mom. *My difficult child in particular thrives on routine, even if it is things he dislikes such as bedtimes, school etc. The sudden change after so many years of school structure caused him stress. He just couldn't deal with a more relaxed, success vs. grades set up. I focused on mastery vs. grades and he just could not deal with it. The lack of grades (to avoid failures and their label) made him angry because he saw no clear goal. That was a teaching style choice on my part though. I could not get a public schooler to unschool. *Lots of extra hours in the day for him to drain my precious emotional reserves. *My difficult child does have socialization problems. Though we had things such as scouts, 4H etc. it wasn't enough. He has habits of avoiding social situations so it became easier for him not to make the effort. He was isolated. That was the single determining factor that turned the tables toward public school. Even if he is a shut in outside of school he still has guys he shoots hoops with at lunch, even if there is nothing else. It's as close to haelthy as he is able to manage right now. Losing that would be a huge step back for us. [U]There were advantages[/U], he did gain ground academically. He went from being behind to getting ahead. All that was lost when he returned to public school though. The school allows him to slack and work beneath his abilities. I have seen homeschooling go well and I have seen it fail miserably. I have an extended family member who was a difficult child that got homeschooled due to some issues. He is now 25, never had a job, has NO friends, never leaves his mothers house unless he is forced to and is generally just an unhappy person. He is a mess. He had an ulcer because kids bullied him so much in junior high. Now he is literally crippled socially. Kids are cruel. I got bullied too. It's a painful life lesson we all have to survive. The world has mean people, it's just an ugly fact of life. If our kids can't overcome this hurdle how will they cope with a mean boss or rude neighbor some day? Could your difficult child benefit from some counseling to help deal with social anxiety, maybe also get some coping skills for stress etc.? Is it possible that some of your difficult child's worries make the situation feel worse than it may be? My difficult child has one of those personalities that attracts bullies, I know how it goes. In his case he had to learn how to behave in a more socially acceptable manner. Then there are those brilliant homeschoolers that get full rides to a university. Homeschooling has incredible benefits but you have to weigh your difficult child's particular quirks/behaviors and decide what is best for difficult child's long term needs not just what makes them happy in the short term. It may work for you... Summer break is very soon. Had you considered doing a trial run to see how it goes before making an official withdrawl? [/QUOTE]
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