Would like information about Sober Houses

[wantpeace]

I know some of you have sent your difficult children to sober living homes. Are they the same as halfway houses? Do you pay rent? Does insurance cover any of the cost?

The counselors at my difficult child's treatment facility still claim he's doing very well, but he is refusing to talk to me or let me visit him even though he's coming home on Friday. He hasn't shown much anger toward me until he went to treatment. He'll be 18 this summer and I need to look into some other options in case things here don't go well.

Thanks and hugs,
wantpeace

 

[Kathy813]

I don't see how the counselors are saying that he is doing great when he is refusing to talk to the person that he is supposed to go live with when released. I can't see how that is going to work once he gets home.

To answer your question, I believe that sober houses and halfway houses are the same thing. I don't know if insurance covers them since my difficult child doesn't have any insurance. We paid her rent while she is in the six month program. Now that she is working, she will have to take over her rent after the program ends or find another place to live and pay the rent there. The rent at my difficult child's halfway house is $135 a week which doesn't include food.

In your case, since your difficult child is still under 18, that may complicate finding a halfway/sober house that will take him.

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

Around here they call sober houses halfway houses or three quarter houses too. Insurance does not pay for any of it. The rent depends on whether they provide food and treatment or just housing. The ony difficult child was in that was the best was $400 a month. It provided two meals a day and inhouse AA meetings/group counseling, AA education and monitoring and a great deal of supervision and guidance.

I don't know how the counselors can say he is doing that well either when he refuses to see you or talk to you. He must be putting on a good show for them.

Nancy

 

[DDD]

I did a cursory search for facilities that would accept minors some years ago and there were none available in central Fl. at that time. I hope you have viable choices.

Regarding his refusal to meet/speak with you I would assume he either is transferring his responsibility to you or he is not willing to share his feelings with you. Neither justification indicates that he doesn't love and admire you. In fact my gs tells everyone that his Mama is the most important person in his life but...it has only been in the past three or four years (after the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)) he has shared from his heart what all he has done in the past. These revelations were mostly made when he was inebriated and full of remorse for hurting me etc. I have never shared his revelations with anyone but it has scarred my heart.

on the other hand if he is to be released to you I "think" (not 100% sure) that you have every right to require a meeting with a qualified therapist at the facility before taking him home. Alot of addictions include power control, playing a role and trying to avoid responsibility. I "think" that he would find it reasonable for you to say "we must spend an hour together with a therapist before we head home". It could be your last opportunity to insist on inclusion. If you opt to do that then you need to really think hard about what issues you want to discuss in that short period of time. Going in cold turkey could give a big advantage to your difficult child. In a thread the other day I described how the teens would say accusatory things about their parents at family meeting during residential rehab. Nancy was really shocked because their rehab was all positive. Bottom line?? An addict is an addict is an addict. We can love them with 100% of our hearts but they lie, they transfer responsibility, they say what they believe they are suppose to say. Your heart may be broken again but I "think" you have leverage to insist on a meeting before discharge. It could be full of bull or maybe it could have some value but you have the right to insist...you are the parent...he is the kid. Hugs DDD

 

[toughlovin]

Have you talked to the counselors about him coming home? Do they really expect you just to pick him up with no prior contact between you and him? I think that is kind of nuts on the counselors part. I think I would call them and tell them that you cant bring him home without discussing, with a therapist, what the after care plan is. That would be nuts in my opinion.

As far as sober houses... I think they are pretty much the same thing as halfway houses, but are places where everyone is supposed to maintain sobriety. There are also halfway houses for other things. I don't think insurance covers them... although they often do cover IOP (intensive outpatient therapy) and some sober houses are directly connected with an IOP program. We have had experience with several sober houses. They have ranged in cost from $140 a week to $1000 a month. They provide different levels of meals.... some provide some meals, some don't. They provide different levels of services. None of the ones my son was at took people under the age of 18... but there may be some residential type programs for under 18, I don't know.

Sober houses are somewhat a mixed bag....on the other hand there is support for sobriety, on the other hand it is a place full of addicts and so your difficult child will meet other addicts who are in recovery...or not. I think my son (who clearly is not himself committed enough to recovery) has found other people to do drugs with at every sober house he has been at (and kicked out of them too).

Good luck let us know what happens.

TL

 

[wantpeace]

I am spending all day with my difficult child on Thursday and Friday. I am supposed to take him home on Friday. Then we will go back for two weeks of IOP four days a week, followed by aftercare. I will call the counselor again tomorrow to let her know he's still not talking to me.

 

[toughlovin]

OK so at least there is a plan.....I think you will have a good sense of how things will go when you see him Thursday. If he is uncommunicative or uncooperative then I don't think you should bring him home. I mean if he wants to come home he is likely to be on his good behavior... so if his behavior is not good then I would worry about him coming home.

TL

 

[wantpeace]

I don't know that I have much of a plan, TL. My difficult child is only 17, so I think I have to take him home regardless of his attitude toward me. The anxiety is starting to kick in.

 

[AmericanGirl]

What does the rehab say about that? <<My difficult child is only 17, so I think I have to take him home regardless of his attitude toward me. >>

I wonder if they know of any other options.