Wow a letter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Dec 24, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Just got a letter from difficult child which just made me cry!!! He is taking a class in his program on family relationships and had to write down things they were grateful or in family traditions etc. It felt very heartfelt and sincere and just made me cry. I feel so sad for him that he is so far away and is so detached from us and glad that he is also feeling this and that he expressed it to us!!! This is a huge huge step. He wasn't asking for anything and so this does not feel manipulative.

    So I am feeling very emotional but it was a really good thing too.... maybe he is getting somewhere.

  2. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Christmas blessings do exist. I am so happy for you... XXOO
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Woot woot woot!!!!! You know TL I strongly believe that it is through pain and sadness that growth is born. While I truly understand your being emotional and I agree it's a good thing, the pain he is feeling tells you that there is something there, he can feel sadness and remorse and lonliness. Those are the feelings that will spur him to change hopefully. My difficult child often tells me that it is remembering how awful she felt at those times that convinces her she never wants to go back there.

    You will cherish that letter forever. Your little boy is in there somewhere. in my difficult child's sober house she also had to list what she was grateful for and I just found that list the other day and it was so good to see.

  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    And you know I have to watch it... because in the letter he talked about how he is too young to be so detached from the family (true) and it is all on him (true). I want to write and say "But we can fix this, we can" which is also true BUT it depends on HIM and I cannot be there trying to give him a way out or to stop feeling guilty. As a mother I don't want him hurting but Nancy you are right that is part of the process he has to go through.

    So I just texted him and thanked him for the letter and said it meant a lot!!! Did not offer any solutions.

    But thanks for the reminder... I have to let him feel the pain.... and in fact maybe one reason he is uncomfortable sharing with us is that I do try to make him feel better (gee why do I do that?) and he just needs to feel.

    Anyway it was a good Christmas gift.

    Off to keep getting ready for our dinner tonight (this is when we have our big dinner and we are having people over). LOL I wish you all were coming too.

  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are doing so well. You want to make him feel better because you are his mom and when he hurts you hurt. I know that feeling all too well. You are doing better than I did in allowing him to walk through the pain. His journey depends on his ability to get through to the other side..

    I wish we were all coming to your dinner too. But you and your difficult child will be with all of us tonight.

  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So sweet. I bet you do want to make it better, that is what we are wired to do at first. You are showing him such love allowing him to grow on his own like this. I can't imagine. I have to tell you all, who are struggling with this kind of thing.... I do take snippets of what you do because with how delayed Q is I sometimes forget that I do need to let him fall and get up again in order to learn sometimes. THinking of you and difficult child this Christmas so far away from home. (yet closer in your heart thru this letter, how special)
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thank you all..... I think this hit me hard because it is really the first time in a long long time, maybe ever, that he has expressed real gratitude and the fact that he misses really being part of the family. It feels like the first step towards making amends... realizing we have done a lot for him. Maybe he is really getting some help where he is at... in which case I am also thankful.

    Wishing all of you a good Christmas... and hey I have a good dinner cooking!!!!

  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What are you cooking? I jus got finished preparing all my food for tomorrow. I make a beef tenderloin in mushroom sauce, holiday mashed potatoes, rice casserole with mushrooms in beef broth, homemade cinnamon pears, and broccholi cheese casserole. I put it all together today and just have to put in over tomorrow for a short time. difficult child has to work 9-3 tomorrow so I have plenty of time to get it ready.

    But hey since your dinner is tonight I'll be right there.