I am in shock right now. Sheer, undiluted amazement over the depth and breadth of my mother's mental illness and inappropriate behavior! She called husband while he was working at the campus bookstore (a temp position this week). He answered because he had a few minutes and she has gone so nuts in the last couple of months when her calls are not answered immediately. He answered to try to avoid drama. Instead of asking US what our plans are for xmas and thank you's birthday she called my inlaws!! She did not even TRY to call husband or I! husband told her he does not yet know his choir schedule for the holiday masses, so he offered to call her after he knows. SHE ASKED FOR THE NAME OF THE CHOIR DIRECTOR!! His shocked silence apparently sent SOME signal that this is completely inappropriate because she backpedalled then. She was all huffy over it and said she would set up "something" with the grandkids only (meaning that gfgbro and his "ex" will insist on staying) and then will have a separate time for husband and I and gfgbro and his "ex". The way she said that makes it even clearer to us that gfgbro and his certifiably crazy addicted "ex" are a couple again. Makes me even happier to NOT have contact with them because she and he bring out the worst in each other - and they are each pretty awful on their own. I am just appalled and somewhat embarrassed that my mother called my mother in law about holiday plans. I am sure my mother in law and father in law will understand - they have never really liked gfgbro or his ex, and in the last 3-4 years have been VERY concerned about gfgbro's effects on the kids. They also have asked enough questions about my mother that lets us know that they recognize how ill she is - mentally that is. I just had a feeling today that she was going to pull some stunt or other - some effort to manipulate us was in the works. My radar for her craziness seems very accurate lately. I didn't give in to her pressure last month about the trip to Dallas, and then I didn't give in to her pressure delivered via pressure on Wiz. Instead I let Wiz know "the rest of the story", aka the things that neither my mother nor gfgbro would ever tell anyone - and Wiz was understanding and accepting of the need to keep gfgbro away from us. My refusal to give in is why she called husband and not me. I am getting the "silent treatment" from her - phone calls not returned, emails read and not replied to, etc... She thinks husband will pressure me to do what she wants and she is off her rocker to think it. He would have been happy if we had not seen gfgbro EVER in the last decade as he really does NOT like my bro. husband is not mean or rude to him, they just have nothing in common as husband is not rabidly judgemental about anyone and gfgbro is both incredibly judgemental in a reverse snobbery way AND is a "vortex of swirling negativity" to put it mildly. I will likely have to call my parents in a day or two. I don't really know what to say - I am flabbergasted at her nerve and complete inappropriate lack of respect for us as adults, parents, and a family in our own right. I am also ******. the manipulation is really really old. I am too angry right now to even attempt to speak to her - it would likely result in us not speaking for a LONG time because I would say some home truths that would accomplish exactly nothing in the long run. Then there is the little girl inside me who is hurt and crying because she isn't worth anything to her mother unless she is around her brother. I know it isn't me, that it is her, but still I wonder what is lacking in me or is so bad inside me that my own mother only cares about me if I am around my brother and tolerating his abuse of not just me but my husband and kids also. I don't think I am such a horrible person that I only have value if my brother is there. Apparently that isn't what mymother thinks. The other night Jessie asked me if I knew why my mother only wanted to spend time with me when gfgbro was there, and why she couldn't enjoy me for who I am separate from him. She wondered how long it would be before my mom would only see her when her brothers are around. I didn't have an answer for her other than to tell her that Gma has her own problems and it isn't her fault that her Gma only wants to take the boys to do things. We first noticed this when Jess was about 3 or 4, but it has gotten a LOT worse. Each of the boys has been on a couple of trips with my mom, but Jess has NEVER been invited - or even had my mother bring up the IDEA of a trip with her. Heck, my mom couldn't even find a couple of hours to spend with Jess unless one of the boys or else my niece is there. My mom sure has had a LOT of opportunities to spend time 1:1 with the boys and my niece though. NOTHING is important enough to get in the way of that, or important enough to get my mom to spend more than 2-3 hours with just Jess. It has always been this way, not just since Jess got sick. Apparently it is pronounced enough that even Wiz has noticed because he brought it up to me a couple of weeks ago. Maybe not wanting to be with Jess or I is because we look a lot like my mom and she cannot stand herself? I feel like I am grasping at straws, but it is the only thing I can come up with to explain this. My niece does NOT look like Jess and I other than in hair color. We look like we are clones of my mother in many ways. Thanks for reading all of this. I am not great company lately so have not posted as much as usual.