Wow am I unreasonable today - NOT!

[susiestar]

J has discovered boy shorts underwear. When I bought them we had a discussion about how they were NOT shorts and she can NOT wander around in just those. It was very very specific. You can have whatever style undies you want except thongs, floozywear and nylon. Underwear is to be covered at all times.

She keeps testing me to see if I will make her stick to the rules. They are colored and not see through but they are a far cry away from shorts. Heck, I don't mind if she wears men's boxers with the fly sewn up as shorts, but these are just too form fitting. And thin, even if not see through.

so she wanders in wearing a tank top that is NOT supposed to be worn alone, only under other clothes. Not see though or spaghetti straps or even low cut, just too form fitting. It was SUPPOSED to be something to wear instead of a bra. She is in just boyshorts.

I tell her to go get shorts. Well, I know but I just took them off right by the door. Open the door and show me. well, they are just a step outside, I can't reach them from here. Open the door and show me. I only took them off because I spilled something on them and they are wet. Open the door and show me. Well they are by the recliner (in a whole other room, NOT right by the door). Go get them so you can rinse them out and they won't draw ants (we have an ant problem in the summer, not bad but a good reason other than I told you not to wear the undies as shorts, just a small change in tack to give her another thing to think about.)

She brings them in - no sign of spillage so I tell her to go and use the liquid soap on the "spill" to get the sugar from the drink out. humphhh, stomp stomp stomp.

Mild door slam. It is done. they are all wet now, are you happy?

Thanks hon. Now go get your bathrobe or a pair of shorts. then you can have a snack and I will get your medications.

Hmph...... stomp stomp.

I find it pretty funny that she thinks I am unreasonable over this. this is her version of a "tantrum". No raised voice. No real door slamming. So little drama, comparatively speaking.

And in an hour or two, unless she falls asleep (up all night in pain because she slipped and fell, spraining her wrist and wrenching her knee.) she will be in and will apologize - without being asked or me saying anything.

Pcs are so odd after allt he difficult child conflama. Even MORE amazing, to me, this is Jess "snapping" from PMS. Honest - this is PMS for her. Not as bad as it gets, but the usual stuff we get.

LOL.

 

[Star*]

My Father had a cure for things like this. When we left the house? Anything that we were told NOT to wear? He took and threw it away. I had the most beautiful purple top with thin spaghetti straps that had satin and t shirt material that laced up the front. It was soooooo pretty that I went back to Kmart and bought it in white. They were not modest. You could see through the satin, but I was 15 and didn't care. I had a lifetime of oppression. I wore them UNDER my tshirts. Well - apparently Mom told Dad or Dad saw them -or somedangthing.....and one day I came home and voila.....all gone. And you could tell that my closet had been meticulously been gone through. Thus ensued the "YOU HAD NO RIGHT" and came back to me - "I have every right - as long as you are living under MY roof, it's MY rules and I won't have my daughter dressing like a harlot. ABSOLUTELY the END of this conversation."

And it was too - I wore dresses until the 11th grade, never cut my hair, still to this day have no piercings, and have never dyed or highlighted my hair, and while I CAN dress how I like - I still dress modestly. I can remember standing in front of the screen door with my dresses AND slips on to see if you could see sunlight through them. And to see what young women think is appropriate to wear out - and even older women? yeah - well - I will NEVER EVER like Madonna for that or listen to any of her hypocritical hype - she turned a generation of women into bra wearing floozies and then told her own daughter she can't watch television. What a jerk. She made her millions on the backs of a generation that went right in the toilet trying to be just like her. I'm so glad my Dad said - NOoooooot my kid. no snow cones for bras here.

And as far as I'm concerned? That was a battle that I wouldn't conceeded to with Dude either - No pants on the ground in our house either. Or around your knees, or buttocks, or anywhere but up around your waist. UGH. And definitely not walking around in underware.

 

[susiestar]

I like your father's approach. My current project is making a stockpile of dishrags and towels out of clothing and linens that we do not/cannot use. I cannot spend money to buy something that my family will leave sititng in a wad all wet until it stinks and then keep trying to clean them. I sew all the edges by hand so they are not rags because I figured out that seeing the stitches that I do by hand (NOT machine) triggers my family to take care of them. Store bought ones don't work, neither do machine sewn ones.

I have turned several items into rags taht one or another of the kids thinks is fine to wear. Complaints are met by either a blank look and then me pointedly turning away to do something else or the statement that it was not something that they could wear anyway. I got "but it fits me" a time or two and saying "No. Not in this family it doesn't." has stopped the fussing.

I won't do the pants hanging down and am SO thrilled that baggy tshirts are getting more popular. I do not mind the woven boxer shorts made out of a thick material like flannel worn as shorts IF they have no fly or it is sewn shut. They mostly look like shorts - the ones I allow. No crude signs or sayings, no thin or figure hugging fabric/style.

It is kind of funny to me that this is about the worst argument Jess ever gives me. And she apologizes, without prompting, in under thirty minutes at least 90% of the time. I have no clue WHY, but her actions usually follow the apology so she is sincere about them. To be honest, for a few years it really confused me, esp after Wiz.

It is nice to know I am NOT the only one who feels like this. I even feel like you do about Madonna. It is nice to not be alone. I even object to a lot of the funny saying shirts that are out there. And Happy Bunny. HB is cute to look at a couple of times, but my kids will be adults before they have many of those snotty sayings on their clothing.

 

[Hound dog]

I had the same approach as Star's father. lol

Lots of clothing vanished during easy child's teen years. Thankfully Nichole is naturally modest and while I had to put up with the punk/goth look I didn't have to constantly toss out clothes.

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL....I get chastised constantly from Cory about what I put on his daughter! If her shorts are too short he freaks. I keep telling him she is still a kid, not a teen. When we were at the pageant the other night I thought he was going to have a heart attack when he actually saw what some 12 year olds actually look like now!

 

[Shari]

difficult child 1 and easy child were into the whole 'sagging' scene one year, and they went to spend a weekend with my folks. My dad kept telling them to pull up their pants, but it landed on deaf ears.
So one day as they were walking into a cafe for lunch, dad stopped, unbuckled his belt, put his pants just under his butt, cinched up the belt to hold them, and marched on in to lunch with 2 teen boys, tighty whitey's blazing (and my dad was all of 5ft tall and 200+ pounds)...
We never saw more than a waistband of boxers after that...sagging, in our house, stopped. Lol

 

[AnnieO]

I just took all the "floozywear" from Onyxx's closet to the shelter for her... They won't let her wear it, either.

Snicker.

I don't know how much clothing has VANISHED. The problem is, it returns - in different colors, or redone from perfectly decent clothes...

 

[HaoZi]

One less thing for you to worry about. A lot less laundry, too.

 

[AnnieO]

Oh, HaoZi? I haven't done the kids' laundry in a couple of YEARS.

 

[susiestar]

Shari, I ADORE your father!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wiz didn't try that stuff because it slowed him down and he couldn't get away from me. He also had a little bro and sis and pants had to pass the "Jessie Test". One Kroger's actually called it that after my daughter. I had Wiz and Jess with me one day when Jess was maybe 4. One of the bag boys had his shirt tucked in to his pants but they were below his butt. Jessie wanted to ask him something and couldn't get his attention. So she tugged gently on his pants.

And de-pantsed him. He had bright white tighty whities and they were a sharp contrast to the skin on his legs. He got in major trouble and we got a cartload of free groceries because he traumatized our daughter and my first thought was taht he was a pervert looking for a kid and had done something or started to. There was a little kid assaulted in a store just down the road about a week before this and the perp had not been caught, so it was a real possibility at the time. According to a cousin in the area with a friend who works in that store, it is still called a 'jessie test' to this day!

Wiz also had strong memories of this and would NEVER wear his pants that way. Just too embarrassed by the entire things. Plus he heard from someone that in prison it means you want to be intimate with another man - he was 13 when he heard this and it grossed him out totally, lol.

I am sorry that Onyxx pushes the limits so much with her clothing. Taking her skimpies down to the shelter was a smart move. Now someone else will tell her she cannot wear them and she will be stuck in the same outfit for days at a time. Plus she will get consequences for wearing inappropriate clothing from someone who is NOT you.

At some point after she develops some sanity it might be helpful to have a guy or two sit her down and tell her what guys think and say about girls who dress like that. It is NOT pleasant to hear that they think you are a piece of meat inviting them to use you and then ignore you. She sees it as a way to get things, but hopefully at some point she will have enough sanity and self esteem to realize how wrong that is and how damaging it is.

 

[AnnieO]

At some point after she develops some sanity it might be helpful to have a guy or two sit her down and tell her what guys think and say about girls who dress like that. It is NOT pleasant to hear that they think you are a piece of meat inviting them to use you and then ignore you. She sees it as a way to get things, but hopefully at some point she will have enough sanity and self esteem to realize how wrong that is and how damaging it is.

I hope so. I really, really do. But - no one her age is going to discuss it with her. H and E sat her down about 18 months ago and discussed "advertising" with her. She will cover up around them now, because E will give her 9 kinds of hell till she does. But it doesn't work past that. She thinks she should be treated as an adult - after all, adults get to do whatever they want.


Well... Yeah sure.

Didn't mean to hijack!!! LOL

 

[Star*]

nine kinds of it huh? WOW!!!!!!!! SPICEY!