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WOW, me again.
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 162379" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I think Janet is right. Somehow, you need to find a way to disengage. She is manipulating you left, right and center. You need to step back and not let her get to you. I know, easier said than done. been there done that.</p><p> </p><p>It really is hard to single parent girls like ours. They want, need attention 28/9 (24 hours and 7 days a week isn't enough). The more you give, the more they want.</p><p> </p><p>I used to get the I'm afraid of you garbage. I just simply said, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Nothing more. No discussion, no debate, no engagement. She was free to tell the world what a rotten, mean mother I was. She was not free to tell me because I wasn't going to listen to it.</p><p> </p><p>Make you list of stock responses and stick with them. Reply in a monotone even when you're ready to explode. Do not debate, discuss or interact. Simply acknowledge the basic statement. Give a simple yes or no where needed. Ignore the rest. Yes, she will escalate at first. Yes, it will be hard and painful and difficult and you won't always succeed. However, unless you want to spend the next 13+ years in a battle of wills, you need to find a way to stop it now. She's not going to stop. This is working quite well for her. So, it is up to you to stop.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry you are going through all of this. It took me two years to figure out that I needed to disengage from my daughter and probably at least two more years to disengage. It really did help, though. She might scream and have her temper trantrums but I didn't fall into the trap to escalate them. She quit "winning." </p><p> </p><p>Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 162379, member: 3626"] I think Janet is right. Somehow, you need to find a way to disengage. She is manipulating you left, right and center. You need to step back and not let her get to you. I know, easier said than done. been there done that. It really is hard to single parent girls like ours. They want, need attention 28/9 (24 hours and 7 days a week isn't enough). The more you give, the more they want. I used to get the I'm afraid of you garbage. I just simply said, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Nothing more. No discussion, no debate, no engagement. She was free to tell the world what a rotten, mean mother I was. She was not free to tell me because I wasn't going to listen to it. Make you list of stock responses and stick with them. Reply in a monotone even when you're ready to explode. Do not debate, discuss or interact. Simply acknowledge the basic statement. Give a simple yes or no where needed. Ignore the rest. Yes, she will escalate at first. Yes, it will be hard and painful and difficult and you won't always succeed. However, unless you want to spend the next 13+ years in a battle of wills, you need to find a way to stop it now. She's not going to stop. This is working quite well for her. So, it is up to you to stop. I am sorry you are going through all of this. It took me two years to figure out that I needed to disengage from my daughter and probably at least two more years to disengage. It really did help, though. She might scream and have her temper trantrums but I didn't fall into the trap to escalate them. She quit "winning." Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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