WWIII with difficult child 1

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Things are pret-thank you ugly this morning with difficult child 1. I'll post more later, but so far he's carved an X in his door, slammed it innumerable times, pounded on the lock to the door to the garage with a hammer, thrown food and paper scraps, toys and clothing all over the floor where I was vacuuming, stolen my phone and car keys, tried to climb out the bathroom window, thrown a brick in the yard while difficult child 2 was standing nearby (we were both a little nervous about that), and has now taken off down the hill walking.

    All because I won't let him play an online computer game until he puts in an hour of homework on two assignments that are already several weeks late, and that his teacher agreed to give him until January 5th to turn in. He and I agreed last night that he would get the work done by Monday so that he could have the rest of the break with no commitments to worry about. Now he says he never agreed and that I changed the rules and lied.

    And of course, he refused his medications this morning, until I finally went nuclear on him and intimidated him into taking them.

    He should be back once his medications start working... I'd say within the hour.

    Why, why, why does this have to be so hard?

    I think it's time to go back to the therapist for some better strategies for me in dealing with him when he gets like this. He just pushes my buttons and I get so enraged at him -- I did better today than earlier this week, but I just don't like these types of angry, belligerent exchanges.
  2. maril

    maril New Member

    It is very hard to be patient 24/7. I also am trying strategies with my volatile difficult child and I can relate to you.

    I am sorry that your weekend started off like this and hope it gets better!

    Take care of yourself and try for a little time away from everything this weekend (even if it's just after everyone is in bed and you do something relaxing)!

    I am right there with you; my difficult child constantly tries getting one step ahead of me and the process is trying, not to mention exhausting. He was recently taken off medications that might have been exacerbating his behavior and that has helped some. We're still on the path to establishing the correct diagnosis.

    Good luck and many pats on the back to you!!!
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hmm? I really hate these situations.
    With K who is only 7... I have to look back and talk myself through a better way to handle her, myself, all of it.
    I have to look at how she was doing, was she off at all? Was I short? Could letting her do the thing she wanted for a brief time have helped? (compromise on both of our parts?)
    Did pushing her (not literally), push her over the edge?
    Did yelling at her push her over the edge?

    Would she have gone over the edge regardless of what I did?
    Would she have gone over the edge even if I let her do what she wanted?
    Would she have ever done the work?
    Is it the medications? Is the Holidays?
    Is it just life?????

    None of this helps, but it does in a way, for me at least. it helps me kind of wrap my mind around what I can do or could have done. And where maybe K's head is at.
    I hate feeling like I am letting her *get away* with something, but sometimes the letting her feel like we are compromising, gets me what I want!

    Sorry he was so destructive, that is not OK.
    I would wan to talk to the therapist and figure out a plan.
  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Oh, I am so sorry. What a day!!! I am utterly exhausted for you. I don't have any advice I just wanted to send some {{{HUGS}}} your way.

    Hang in there. Keeping my fingers crossed that you will have a brighter tomorrow. :)
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thank you all :) He was much more cooperative once the medications kicked in. He did the chores as asked. Repaired the damages he'd done. Worked on his homework for 1 hour as asked.

    What worries me most is that he's getting older, and bigger, and capable of more harm when he gets this way. He's never hurt anyone, but he does get destructive. And he always wants to get one of his Nerf guns or cap guns and starts shooting at things and talks about shooting people, himself included. I can't control him like I could when he was 2, and yet he's acting like he's 2 but he's in a teenage body. What happens when this happens again in a few years and he's a few inches taller, a couple dozen pounds heavier, a few years older and smarter about what he can get away with, but not any smarter emotionally when he's this out of control?

    Is that when you call the police? I have to believe there are other things I can do to diffuse and manage him better when he gets like this. That's why I really think I need another meeting with the therapist. Perhaps if I can get in before our next psychiatrist appointment, I can also ask about any medication strategies to add onto whatever behavioral interventions might be needed.

    husband is taking his parents and difficult child 2 to see "The Day The Earth Stood Still", and up until today, difficult child 1 also wanted to see it. But he's so focused on getting game time in that he's refusing to go :( At first I was pushing for him to join them, but now I'm going to just let him play for an hour.
  6. sweetjj

    sweetjj New Member

    wow, i think you could have been describing my son in the way your day started out!! Luckily we havent had a lot of that lately but i think its the increase in his medications and the visits weekly with- psychiatrist. We still havent figured out what it is he has been doing around the house. The psychiatrist said yesterday to give it one more week and they will reveal it to us. We think it might be that he is doing his laundry on his own now and not just throwing it down and hopeing it comes up clean....not sure if its something physical he is doing around the house we are to watch for or if its an emotional thing we are to watch for, like getting along with his sister better.

    Anyway, im glad that he is doing better now that the medications kicked in! Hang in there!!! Sending hugs your way!

  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad things have calmed down a bit. Hoping you have a pleasant, melt-down-free weekend!
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear, I am so sorry.

    been there done that! Especially with-the computer issues. It's like the world's biggest trigger.

    I'm glad the medications kicked in. He wouldn't take any of them? Won't he be awake all night? (Like you care at this point. :) )

    I hope the rest of the weekend goes better.

    How are you going to get the X out of the door? Sand it?
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I think it might be time for a medication tweak. That sounds like my easy child when he was depressed. Of course, it could be many things as I'm sure you know.

    So sorry for you rough day.
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi and i'm sorry i'm late to this. I missed this one

    I'm sorry you had such a rough morning. I agree wtih your thought process regarding the behaviors and the apprehension that you will feel the larger he grows and matures.

    See, this is where the pyschdoc's upset me because they diagnosis, and than they medicate, and tweek the medication, etc. Which is all great. Yet for situations like this a plan has to be put in place, where do we as parents draw that "line" in regards to which behaviors are acceptable and which ones aren't and more importantly how do we handle it? Are you meeting with the pyschdoc soon, so that you could ask him what ideas he has regarding a plan for you, when things get this way?

    I often think exactly what you wrote. I watch difficult child and granted she is a girl and she hasnt' hit me yet, only pushed, etc. yet I wonder hmm what will she be like when she's a teenager?

    You handled it well today, and I'm really sorry you had such a hard day. How's he doing tonight?? How are you doing tonight?

  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    He's been very cooperative this afternoon. I let him play his Runescape while easy child and I went out to shop for her annual Christmas ornament. We were only gone about 90 minutes. I got off the computer when I asked him just now and he's outside sweeping up some leaves that I asked him to do twice earlier today.

    Terry, he takes 20mg Focalin first thing in the morning. It wears off after 4 hours. About an hour after he takes that, we put the Daytrana patch on because it takes so long to kick in and is finally working by the time the Focalin wears off. He gets about 9 hours of coverage from the patch, so he won't be up all night (he finally put the patch on around 10:30 this morning). :)

    Heather, I think he is a wee bit depressed. Maybe he needs to bump the Lexapro up a notch.... we just added Inderal in the mornings because he was shutting down in some of his classes because of anxiety and not getting work done.

    Monday we see his GI for a quarterly check-up to monitor his Crohn's. That seems to be doing o.k. right now, but I know it can affect his mental outlook as well when he's not feeling well.

    What can I say, he's got a lot going on with him.

    mother in law volunteered to take him to sister in law's house to spend the night since we are all going over to sister in law's house tomorrow for a holiday party and "surprise" visit from Santa and Mrs. Claus (they do this every year, and my kids are all convinced he is the real deal). It will be a nice break for difficult child 1 and for me :D I'm going to call the therapist on Monday and see if we can get in before our psychiatrist appointment next month.
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I'm glad that the day went better. :)