Yelled at SO

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tessaturtle, Mar 19, 2007.

  1. tessaturtle

    tessaturtle New Member

    Oh where to begin...difficult child was great Saturday. Didn't have to be told 5,000 times to do something, was ok with his sister, played a card game without argument, and even had the patience to learn to tie flies for fishing! Sunday was a completely different story. difficult child was woken up by having difficult child dog jump on top of him (little :censored2: took off before I could crate him back up). That seem to set the tone for the day. difficult child argued with everyone all day. Everything seemed to annoy him (everytime his sister would try to talk, he would tell her to be quiet please, then be quiet, then shut up). He would complain that his sister was in his space, but then move into hers and push her with his feet. He had to be told 1000 times to do things and then would respond by yelling (our favorite new phrase) "I KNOW". He had so many melt downs it was frustrating. Both SO and I were at the end of our ropes. We ended up in an argument with me yelling at him and then crying (I think because I then felt so bad for yelling at SO). I apologized to SO for yelling and he admitted that he just gets so frustrated with difficult child and that no way of parenting seems to work and he just doesn't know what to do anymore (the argument was over a spank on the :censored2: compared to no spanking). SO and I were ok with each other last night and today ( I still feel bad for letting it out on him). AGGhhh...I think ODD kids are the toughest! I learned how to pretty effectively parent the bipolar melt downs, its this oppositional crap thats out of control!
     
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad you and SO are good again. It is tough on any relationship to have a difficult child to care for.
     
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We used to find that if difficult child 3 had anything go wrong for him early in his day (or at any time in his day, come to think of it) then his day would be bad from then on. He felt that it set the mood for the day and it wasn't worth fighting the bad day. In vain we would try to get him to see that the day could start again from that point, bad stuff wasn't connected, but the trouble is that this belief of his was self-fulfilling - if he THOUGHT he was in for a bad day, he generally was. In this he is very like the boy in "Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon.

    What has helped us - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. The diagnosis doesn't matter, so much as simply having an understanding of what is happening for the child, in their head. The book helped a lot with that as well as showing us what to do next. difficult child 3 no longer allows one bad incident to define his day, although we still have some issues there to work on. He's getting there, though. All we can do for now with his anxiety, is to acknowledge it and support him, rather than try to jolly him out of it or discipline him for it (which is what the schools used to do).

    This book is not a cure. It simply helps make it easier for you and the child. It also is a system that can be used for the PCs in the family, to their advantage.

    Marg
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, so sorry Tessaturtle. I know the feeling! The "in your space-in your face" this is infuriating. Sigh.
    Especially after such a good day Saturday... it sort of sets you up for a bigger fall.
    Good luck!
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's so easy to get frustrate and yell at times. I'm glad you and SO are o.k. again. Hugs.
     
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    :crying: It's difficult, at best, to maintain a relationship with an unstable difficult child in the mix. Mostly because we forget to take care of ourselves & our partners.

    I'm glad you've worked it out.
     
  7. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Glad you and SO have made amends. We all have our bad days when the rift with our difficult child's get the best of us! And I agree...the ODD behaviors seem to be the worst!
     
  8. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Hi, don't think I have met you yet, welcome! Sorry you are feeling badly at yelling at SO. I am sure he understands, and you did apologize, so be gentle to yourself. If my husband has stuck with me for over 25 years (9 of those with a major difficult child), I bet your SO will be supportive of you!!

    Hugs to you, these times are hardest after experiencing a great day with a difficult child, the next day being meltdown city! UGH! been there done that way too many times! HUGS!!!!!!!

    Vickie
     
  9. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Your discription of difficult child's behaviors is so familar. My difficult child 1 uses "I KNOW" many times a day.
     
  10. tessaturtle

    tessaturtle New Member

    Thanks everyone for the support :smile:
     
  11. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    "I know" just how you feel!!!
    Hang in there... We have a struggle due to the fact that husband will be gone for a week or more and then come home and add to the chaos, without meaning to, difficult child's ODD gets worse... I am always the bad guy. husband gets the brunt of it all.
    But he tries so hard...
     
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