Yes calgon? Do you have 55 gallon drums? NO? UPDATE at end

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Jan 22, 2007.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi all,


    difficult child has been in a high level management Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 1 1 2/ years. They (collective soul of those who belive that higher education automatically gets you a nose up on knowledge of a child like ours) have promised things like help with a part time job, assistance with a GED, since difficult child is 'technically' in the 11th grade but hasn't the Carnegie units to graduate it qualifies him as a 9th grader. No one has helped the situation by continuing to lie to difficult child at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or allow him to get away with things or set him up to fail. I'm exhausted and my warrior mom armor is so battle weary thin. I find myself saying more and more. "Well can't YOU handle that for yourself?" I don't know if it's more depression on my part or detachment through quality therapy.

    Since being there 15 months I KNEW the call would be coming with the sweet, kind, "You know we LOVE Dude" talk, and then the BOMB.."But he hasn't made progress, WE need to be thinking about where we go from here".(Meaning take him home) This time instead of making arrangements to take him home, I blasted back. I came unglued, I hit them with "HOW DARE THEY" and then cited every infantessimile quirky, set-up, failure, hob goblin, mistake they have pulled, 4 career counselors one that wasn't even licensed, 2 staff members that were involved in an assault on my son on 2 separate occasions in which one was fired, and then I told them that if they with all their resources, money, staff, diplomas, education, outreach programs, and knowledge 24/7 couldn't contain this 16 year old HOW IN THE HADES did they think that one working mother and one crippled,pain-medication addled man could. There was silence. I told them that when they could answer THAT I would consider taking him home. Until then formulate a plan, and stick to it for once because they've had 1 1/2 years to make a difference in his life and let it slide. NOT MY PROBLEM. And also not my problem that they didn't allow the natural consequences to take over and work in his life. Favoring him did him NOT ONE bit of good. I've done my part. I've continued to go to therapy and family therapy once a week and we make sure since they could not even get difficult child to therapy one time a week that DF goes and gets him and takes him to therapy. SO we're about as therapied up as you can get, and yes it's made a tremendous difference. But it would have meant more if that house would have followed through with their consequences. Instead even with all their staff & resources available 24/7 they took the easy way out, and now they are seeing the side of difficult child that I've known ALL MY LIFE. Welcome to OUR world, now YOU deal with him.

    difficult child's caseworker who hasn't been to see him in over a year and a half showed up today asking difficult child to sign a paper. The last time difficult child was asked to sign a paper the caseworker sent someone in his place and difficult child got transferred to a mental hospital 4 hours from home. It was awful. The caseworker never visited him. Christmas was - unspeakable. difficult child asked the caseworker if he had spoken with me today about this paper, and the man said "I called your mother." Untrusting, difficult child walked over to the staff phone while the caseworker was occupied with staff and he called me. HE asked if I had spoken to the caseworker about this today, had I gotten a call, at any time, could I check all the phones, cell, home, work. I said no." So difficult child held the phone up and shouted to the caseworker; "WHY do you continue to lie to me man, my Mom is on the phone and says you have NOT called her." (BUSTED) The man then said "I meant I was going to call her." And difficult child said...NO you said you called her, YOU SIR are a liar. And if you think I'm signing THAT paper, you are wrong again. I'll sign it when someone I trust is sitting here with me and can tell me EXACTLY what it means. The man left. I got a message on my home phone about 1 hour later. Caseworker was not happy. I'm not really sure I care that he was happy. I am proud that difficult child refused to sign something he did not understand. Although in this case it WAS for SSI and eventually he will need to help himself out with that.

    Apparently angry at the fact that caseworker seemed not to care, difficult child proceeded to trash the unit, ripped a fire extinguisher box out of the wall, ripped trim off a door and left the campus without a note (AWOL) and now according to another phone call I got from the staff will serve an additional 3 weeks of restriction, early bedtime, no activities, and loss of level with no privledges for phone or visits.

    .....So finally it sounds like the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is doing SOMETHING to difficult child and hopefully they will stick to it. Hopefully. Time will tell. It's going to be another one of THOSE Valentines days. I'm writing Kleenex and telling them they need to market "warrior mom" strength tissues. Stinks to be me today, and then we move on.

    And the phone rings...it's the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and they are taking him to the ER...for stitches in his mouth. Someone punched him in the mouth. And tomorrow we're up at 3:00 AM to take DF to the dentist (1 1/2 hr. ride and must be there at 5 am) to have all HIS teeth pulled and get plates upper and lower, and I miss another day of work, and where DID I put that extra large 55 gallon drum of Calgon. pass me a brownie. ARGH.

    Somewhere over the rainbow.....la la la...if i stood out in the middle of the road, at 9:00 PM, wearing only my slipper socks and a Christmas Apron and that lip inflater lipstick I wonder if I could get 72 hours at the state B&B? Must find a hat too...it's cold out.

    Thanks for the listen.
    What a whiner. Wine....that's it! I'll have wine with my slipper socks! <img src=":smile:" alt="" /> :princess:
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I don't blame you for whining, Star. You entrusted the care of your son to these people, and they have let you down, again. I'm sorry little Star Dude acted out so inappropriately but perhaps the consequences will begin to stick. I don't envy your position. Do you know the circumstances of the fight?
    I hope all goes smoothly (and painlessly) for DF tomorrow.
    by the way, I think stiletto heels would be the perfect finishing touch to your outfit, or I could always send down one of Duckie's tiaras. :princess:
     
  3. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry star. I was just thinking about you the other day and I was thinking that we hadn't heard anything regarding difficult child in a while and I was thinking that was a good thing. Guess something was just brewing.

    You really do need Calgon, chocolate and destressing whatever. Sending big mushy hugs with lots of chocolate!
     
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh my. You deserve to have Calgon take you away. Sending hugs your way.
     
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Starbie, I'm passing the cheese to go with that wine. Would you prefer a brie, edam or just plain cheddar?

    And you need a little more than calgon. You need luxury bath salts, in a spa setting, with a good masseuse & an endless supply of crackers to go with your cheese. A case of champagne for mimosas would be a good touch as well.

    take it easy lady. :smile:
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Star

    I don't blame you one bit for venting. I think I'd be screaming from the rooftops, maybed dressed in that outfit. :smirk:

    I do have to say though, that I'm proud of difficult child for refusing to sign a paper he didn't know what it was for, calling you for confirmation on if you were notified, then confronting the caseworker with his own lie. Can't blame him for being upset, although he did over react to the max.

    I'm glad you told them how you felt and made them take responsibility for their actions. Now, I guess you'll see if they can come up with a real plan and stick to it. *sigh*

    How about a nice long soak in a hot tub with a chocolate fountain at hand?

    I hope all goes well at the dentist.

    (((hugs)))
     
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Your warrior mom suit might be well used, but wow! Way to go telling them off!!! One of these days maybe I'll be as good as you. They deserved it. Yea Star!!!!! You are awsome. Now, go eat ice cream. :bravo: :warrior: :bravo:
     
  8. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Well, I'm majorly impressed, Star.

    You have not been taking any baloney from that particular treatment center for a while now, have you?

    Good.

    And, as difficult as this situation is Star, at long last you have validation.

    difficult child IS a toughie.

    You were right about the "professionals" and their lack of answers. I am glad you stood up to them for yourself, and for difficult child.

    I am glad difficult child stood up to them, too.

    It doesn't matter whether the paperwork had to do with SSI or not. How do they expect difficult child to trust them about the big things, when they lie to him when it is convenient for them. (And oddly enough, has to do with the money they will be receiving for difficult child's care, if I am not mistaken?) :tongue:

    Still, that is alot for anyone to deal with. So, if you do end up on the highway in your slipper socks and Duckie's tiara looking for a fifty-five gallon drum of Calgon?

    And you listen really carefully?

    You will hear us all, somewhere further down the road, cheering you on.

    I think you are coping remarkably well with an impossible situation, Star.

    You are a very strong woman.

    Barbara
     
  9. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I always found it interesting when "they" would pull some garbage and then the difficult child escalates and suddenly the difficult child is in hot water......
    I also always found it interesting, I would get my husband to day treatement but if they had a problem they would call ME. Uh, gee, I am busy with our children, uh, I am busy at MY docs, and gosh dang hello- you are at a psychiatric hospital- can't YOU handle it? Oh he's psychotic? what a great idea, yeah right I will come get him, put him in MY car...bring him home to our little kids. sure.
    and yeah, oldest dtr- similar. How many times did WRAP or SASS say - we are not progressing. Uh ok fine, but if YOU can't get progress what am I supposed to do? I have done EVERYTHNG you have said. YOU'RE the professionals and oh by the way gee, YOU called CPS on me when the table was turned and you thought I was not progressing her here. and now you can't either?
    I got SO tired of the lies, the passing the buck, move her over here so someone else can deal with it, blame me when your ideas fail, and trigger her and then wonder why she explodes when you lie to her? blame us, blame her, you KNOW she is explosive and you say yourself she is not doing better so why would you set up an explosion, are YOU nuts people?

    My sympathies. yeah a 55 gal drum o f calgon sounds great. Or an island where I can just turn her loose and not worry.
     
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Thank you all for your kind and humorous thoughts.

    Last night at midnight we got a call that we expected. The staff was shorthanded and could not get to the pharmacy AND did not have access to his medicaid card to get his prescriptions filled. Would we come and get them and get them filled? Of course - we had called earlier and said whatever we can do to help and offered.

    On the drive there at midnight while talking we decided that this was the same Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that could not get a child to a weekly pre-arranged on going psychiatric appointment. that had been on going for 3 years. That could not get him an appointment to a doctor when he was crying and banging his head on the wall from migraines for three months but would not allow us to take him during the week for a physical exam with our physician. That set him up for failure by allowing him to decorate for a dance and then told him he couldn't go. So we decided when we got there to insist they call whomever and take him home. Their initial reaction? Um.."We don't know who is the supervisor on call." (Try again its Miss XX we called her earlier) and then "Well it's very late." (Really sherlock? GOD where am I?) Call whomever, get whatever you need because he's going home with us. You can't even get his medication tonight and it's doubtful that you can get him in to see the doctor first thing, as the doctor opens at 8 and you aren't even in the office until 9 and NEVER take a phone message until around 10, 11, 12...we were out sick, had a bunion, had lunch date, off campus, other emergency. Get my drift...I'm a hurricaine blowing. With that I was exhausted and FATHER Grizzly stood up and let go, got results in less than 4 minutes the boy was in the car. Amazing how much blow a father can exude over a child. I thought to myself....Do not poke the bear took on a whole new meaning.

    The jaw is fractured. It will require 2 surgeries, 2 metal plates, wiring top and bottom between every tooth and an external :censored2: on his cheek. Blender diet for 8 weeks, pain killers, antibiotics, and ABSOLUTELY no touching to the face area at all. If he gets restrained or hit, it could mean false teeth or loss of his jaw, even death. I was stunned. The doctor painted the best case scenario too. It was still not good, as there is a nerve in your lower jaw that controls your lip and he's not certain he can save it due to the placement of the fracture so Dude may end up horse lipped. Now I'm in shock. Surgery is tomorrow at 10, it will take 8 hours. If you have a prayer for him, please say it.

    The surgeon wants a police report and charges pressed. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) said rather not. If I insist and they review the tapes and find out that dude "started" it, then they will counter file and have dude arrested for assault. They also can't maintain the blender diet for 8 weeks, so they want to discharge him, but can't guarantee his placement when the time is up. Basically we are on our own. I know they won't take him back, they've been trying to get him out. We never said we wanted to press charges against the other child, we just wanted and incident report. They said if their internal one wasn't well enough. DO what we felt right, but keep in mind, the counter claim. WOW. difficult child said that this has been an on going feud. He does not remember who "started" it...but difficult child is not an instigator. We'll have to see how this plays out. For now? No report.

    So, gals....looks like I'm going to be a Mom and work 11 hour days, and try to figure out a way to swim wit da fishes. DIVER DOWN....DIVER DOWN....BAZOoooooooka...

    difficult child is also NOT crazy about coming home to live as he did NOT complete the program, but if someone were to hit him or he was to chew food he essentially could end up without a lower set of teeth, jaw or life. Not the kind of risk I want to take. Maybe we can survive 8 weeks? Help.....me. (like that fly in the web of the Vincent Price Movie the Fly) hellllllllllp me.

    Yup...the wheel is spinning and the hamsters gone to heaven. Good bye cheese on my cracker. I keep hearing my brain say: YOU WANT A PIECE OF THE ROCK? YOU CAN'T HANDLE WHAT THE ROCK HAS. And thus, my brain has totally solidified and become a simple hunk of granite. A mere paperweight. A door stop. Going to bed now for a nap.

    Thanks for the bending of the ears.
    Star and Dude
    ohhhh there goes the hamster... :smile:
     
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    OH MY Gosh Star! This is all so horrible! If I were you I would hire a lawyer and ask him to review the tape. Hopefully it won't get "accidentally erased" before then. I would not go after the kid as much as the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It is their responsibility to keep the residents safe. Talk to a lawyer as soon as possible. -RM
     
  12. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I am thinking the surgeon might want a police report etc- so he has details in case there is not a good outcome from surgery- in case someone tries to blame HIM- he can diffuse some blame and say see- if this incident did not happen at all in the first place there would not have had to be a surgery in the first place for there to be any post surgical problems?

    and I agree with rejectedmom above.....the facility should have some liability- they take in kids who are not docile happy little campers- hello!
    If we could handle them perfectly fine by ourself- why would we place them anywhere?

    I have to admit, my brain is not functioning well right now- and I amnot positive...Is DF your kid in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? is someone else getting teeth pulled or your son? is the teeth getting pulled becuz of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)----? I deeply apologize for not being clear.

    The more I read, the more I hear, the more glad I am that I fought our school against outplacing my non violent, non raging kid. I do not want to think what kind of crap they woulda pulled- I saw them trigger her on purpose over some of the weirdest stupidest things......while we were touring the facilities-------
    and it sure seemed to me like they were trying to get her to become violent.
     
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    difficult child has been in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 1 1/2 years. He was hit by another kid (new) to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). My son is the one with the broken jaw. The other boy is fine. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) does not want US to even ask police for an incident report. If we do, they consider this an act of aggression, will review the tape if there is one, and it will boil down to my son's word against those at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) who want to keep their job. They have let me know where they stand by saying that "if" the tape and staff find that my son started it, they will have no choice but to encourage the other child to file battery type charges against my son to defend himself, saying he was merely defending himself. Then difficult child will have a broken jaw, wired shut, AND be in Jail as a juvenile offender WHETHER or not difficult child says the other kid started it or not. difficult child there for 1 1/2 years and never had a fight with another peer. New kid?? Who knows. Staff sure didn't. That's where we stand. AND they are already discharging him...but you're right about the surgeon. Staff and director said THEY will write up an internal "their version" report. That is what i will give to the dr. I'm really (for the moment) sooooo over the whole system. WHen I'm well? We'll see.

    My baaaaarain is frazzled too.
     
  14. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I am so very very sorry for you and difficult child totally.
     
  15. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I'm sorry, too! The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) should be responsible for this, they are paid to supervise!! I hope things get better for all of you.
     
  16. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    They're bluffing. There is no tape. But that doesn't mean they won't lie if the police go asking questions. There doesn't seem to be any reason to trust them to be honest.
     
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You know what really tans my hide about this...that they are going to "tell the other boy to say Dude started it and he was just defending himself." Hello, are we going to coach the new kid to lie? What a crock and these folks are supposed to be professionals.
     
  18. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    You need to start taping every conversation you have with representatives of this facility, Star. Document names, places and times of conversations you were not able to tape. Get one of those cell phones that records conversations, or pull out a recorder and tape away whenever you are talking to these people.

    You are going to need legal representation.

    Barbara
     
  19. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    [ QUOTE ]

    .
    If we do, they consider this an act of aggression
    .
    they will have no choice but to encourage the other child to file battery type charges against my son
    .
    AND they are already discharging him...
    .
    Staff and director said THEY will write up an internal "their version" report.
    .


    [/ QUOTE ]


    This is unbelieveable, Star. What are they discharging Dude for, again???

    Barbara
     
  20. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Star, sounds like BLACKMAIL to me! THEY allowed your son to get a broken jaw (where was the supervision?) and now they're trying to weasel out of their legal and financial obligations by threatening HIM????

    Legally, these are children under their care and they had an obligation to protect him from being injured ... and they didn't! Why are THEY not paying for medical treatment for the injuries he sustained while under THEIR care????

    :warrior: :warrior: :warrior: :warrior: :warrior:
     
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