I have been told that I can use Respite for 4-hours on Saturday. Although when I have called for it, I've been told the person is on vacation, out of town, can't do it this weekend, etc. (But that's another issue). I'm conflicted and need some advice please. I've been told a million times that difficult child is good, mannerly, respectful, nice, helpful, sweet, etc. when he's at school and camp........BUT, when he's home with easy child and me... he's the total opposite. He's mean, ODD, in-my-face disrespectful, lazy and does none of his chores or helps out, refuses to do anything I ask and says F.U.B., calls me B***H ALL the time, answers F.U.B to everything I say or ask, calls easy child names or is in his face with threats and cussing, hits and punches me, follows me around attacking verbally and physically attacking me when he's mad or doesn't get his way (even after I have walked away and told him to go calm down and to leave me alone), constantly throws open my door when I retreat to my room (no locks on door...dump house), constantly advances toward me and won't leave me alone when I'm tired or injured and need peace and quite and to sit down, etc. You get the ugly picture. So, I've been told to send him to respite for the break, but I'm conflicted inside. To me sending him to respite for 4 hours of swimming, ice skating, biking riding, movies, etc. is REWARDING his abuse to me and easy child. I think he has to EARN it, like a privilege, because rewarding him is just reinforcing the abuse towards us. Also one thing I'm starting to do again since he's been home is tell him that I WILL ignore him if he treats us badly. If he wants attention, then he will get it when he treats us nicely. I've also told easy child do to this. Ignore him when bad behavior or abuse, and reward with attention of good behavior. I mean ignore...no matter what has to be done....easy child and I will do the laundry as a "family", easy child and I will do the yard work as a "family", easy child and I will sit and read a book as a "family", easy child and I will set the table as a "family", etc. And I will send difficult child outside to ride his bike or whatever, but he won't be allowed to do the "family" stuff. I did this last weekend, and he went out for about 20 mins and then came in and ASKED for a family chore to do.....I told him to pull the weeds, and he did. So, it seems the message is getting across slowly. So, unearned respite which rewards abuse....or NO Respite, unless earned with good loving behavior toward easy child and I. Thoughts.