Yesterday was so normal and

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Apr 22, 2007.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    then today-yuck!

    We had a quiet peaceful day around the house yesterday-almost normal (or as normal as possible with difficult child). He even went rollerskating with a neighbor girl and had a good time. The day even started well-difficult child slept in til 7:30-unusual for him.

    When he woke up though he was grouchy and demanding. Later husband and I fell asleep and so did difficult child. easy child took the dog for a walk with-o telling any of us. I got up at one point to use the bathroom and not knowing she was gone locked the screen door.

    When she got home difficult child heard her but wouldn't let her in and she went ballistic-

    way over the top! Yelling and screaming. I'm sure the entire neighborhood heard her screaming. She was worried about the dog being overheated but still...

    She went on and on about how much she hates difficult child and wishes he were dead-wanted to kill him. It took us quite a bit to calm her down and get her to talk calmly. Even when she calmed down she was saying how much she hates him and although she would never do anything to him she wouldn't be sad if he died. difficult child, of course, wasn't helping matters.

    She does see a therapist and we'll be talking about this at her next appointment. but this was very upsetting today. I know the effects of living with difficult child are huge and that she is a teenager but the intensity of her reaction today really was worrisome.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I know teens can be dramatic, but that was a bit over the top. Although there were plenty of times my easy child would blow her top over the difficult children. I don't ever recall her wishing they were dead or anything. A few times she offered to beat the daylights out of them. (empty threat)

    I would bring it to her therapist's attention, too. Her reaction seems out of porportion to the situation.

    Hopefully tomorrow will be a peaceful day for you.

  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    easy child was a "tad" over the top on this one - worse yet, she didn't let you know that she was leaving the house. I would've gone out of my mind with that alone. :surprise:

    I'm sorry that this morning started off so horrendously - geez, if it isn't a difficult child, it's a easy child! :hammer:

    Hoping tomorrow is a better day for easy child.
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    It sounds like easy child was enraged. It's very hard to live with a difficult child child. It's even harder for siblings that have to deal with the behavior, but are not in a position of authority to be able to do anything about it.

    I'm not actually not shocked at all by her reaction. It was probably just the proverbial straw. She's 13 and in a situation she has no control over. It doesn't get much more frustrating than that. I think it should be addressed with her therapist, but I, honestly, wouldn't be "freaked out" about it. You know your child best, of course. But I've heard variations of what your easy child said from both of my children. For them it is simply born out of frustration. I see it as more of an eye opener for me that the child is frustrated, has probably been getting the short end of the stick because of the problems of the other and needs more of my time.

    I'm sorry your day was so yucky.
  5. canadianmom1

    canadianmom1 New Member

    We had an issue last night between our easy child and difficult child. easy child is also 13. She decided to let her opion be known while I was deiling with an issue with difficult child at the bowling ally. She looked at me and said "why do I have to have such and embarassing brother? I wish he would just go away forever".. I have never heard her say this before. I think it the age. If they are not embarased by us it's siblings.. Today she was back to her old self and even took difficult child for a long walk to get him out of my hair. She even delt with a blow up while they where out. Make you want to scream some days
  6. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>Wiped out, her reaction is teen drama of a easy child who has been penned up with a difficult child for the last 9 yrs. At least that is what I would think. I doubt there isn't a easy child who hasn't hated their difficult child sibling for disrupting holidays, birthdays, school functions, ruining special days, embarassing easy child's, causing mom's to cry,parents to fight and no one to have energy left for easy child.
    It's pretty awful to be the sibling of a severe difficult child.
    My easy child had a lot of strong reactions to difficult child once he hit puberty. I have no doubt that easy child wished difficult child to disappear to the end of the earth and stop causing so much pain within the family. At that point we decided that easy child should have as much positive attention for just doing things as he should as difficult child got when he was negative and difficult. Our easy child has gotten a lot more freedoms and opportunities because he has done the right thing. There is a life long conversation with easy child about life handing you things you don't expect and how character is what you do when it's lemons. You can become bitter and angry and allow it to affect your outlook on life or you can make lemonade.
    Eventually, you will realize that the relationship between easy child and difficult child may not be something that is yours to fix and you will have to let it go to be what it is.
    Your difficult child says some horrid things that are devastating and undermining things to you on a regular basis. It erodes your self confidence and brings you pain. You understand as an adult. This little 13 yr old will be permanently affected by a pretty tough difficult child. This is a fact. Hopefully with the love and support of a stable home(parents) she will come to put this all in perspective.
    I can understand easy child's anger and profound sadness. There were many days when I wish I could walk away and never see difficult child again. I was worn down and had nothing more I wanted to give up to difficult child's disorders. I can only imagine how tough this is on a 13yr old.

    Therapy is a good idea. Mother daughter time is a good thing. I took easy child to lunch once a month. Just he and I. Some quiet quality time to just talk about what he wanted to talk about. We gave him summer camp that he loved because he was such a good kid. If difficult child got camp for being a terror, then easy child should have something he loved for doing the right thing.

    We still have little issues and easy child has gotten good about trying to manipulate me but I'm pretty good at laughing at it. It's usually harmless.

    Anyhow, I know it hurts to know easy child has been so burnt and has such negativity within your family. The truth is difficult child's can be incredibly destructive. easy child's, spouses,family and friends can all grow to resent difficult child. I am not surprised at your easy child. </span>
  7. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    I totally agree with Fran.....and my difficult child doesn't even have a sibling living at home. Our daughter is a grown woman and there are times she resents difficult child (and knows better). Living with a difficult child is difficult, at best, for all of us. Our easy child's aren't any different at getting worn out while listening to us handling them day after day after day. Yes, she was dramatic, but that's part of being a teen. I'm so sorry it seems like she's making it more difficult. I don't think it's intentional on her part, honestly. Go easy on yourselves.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone. I appreciate your responses very much. It is hard to live with difficult child and I can't imagine being 13 and living with him. I think sometimes I forget how hard it is for her at 13-just want to make sure I'm doing what I can for her (will still mention to therapist). Sometimes I feel so bad for her when I think about what she has had to deal with. I like the idea of going out to lunch once a month with her and think she would enjoy that-thanks for the idea! Lately she has become more social which I think is a good thing for her-she went out Friday night to a local gymnastics place and has a dance coming up this Friday. It's good to see this happening as usually it is difficult to get her to want to do anything.