klmno
Active Member
I was waiting to see how difficult child was going to be today- to see if he needed to be tdo'd or not. I remembered that yesterday at the end of his therapist appointment, therapist said we could speak a few mins to touch base. difficult child let it known that he wanted in the room, too. So, I left that up to therapist and therapist said that was fine. therapist told me that he wouldn't divulge anything difficult child had told him in confidence but that he thought we should have a family session the next meeting (2 weeks- he was already booked for next week). I knew based on my initial conversations with this therapist that this either meant that he was going to encourage difficult child to tell me something that I should know, but therapist wouldn't betray difficult child's confidence by telling me, or that difficult child was having a big issue with me and therapist was going to help him broach the subject and see if we could work thru it. I was a little worried, knowing I'd have to wait 2 weeks to find out what the issue is.
Then today, I found that while difficult child was doing yardwork, he apparently got my keys out of my jacket pocket and went to the trunk of the car and got out a couple of items that were found by cops in his bedroom last night. I should have kept a closer eye on my keys, I know, but I found this out pretty quick. So, I told difficult child that I didn't want to call cops again, but that he knew I would so I am giving him one chance to give me those items back immediately. He did, then went back to blowing leaves.
Then, later, he looked sullen and I talked to him and told him that I still love him and am willing to listen to whatever is going on with him. He told me he couldn't tell me because I would have him put in psychiatric hospital again. Eventually, he let me know that he's cutting again. He must still have something in his room that they didn't find last night because he showed me a fresh place on his arm.
Based on our talk today and what I've heard and seen in him lately this is the way it appears to me: Similar to an addict that is blaming someone else for their using, I think difficult child somehow triess to justify what he's doing by blaming it on me- like if I would have handled something differently, he wouldn't feel the need to do this. But, I don't really think it is quite because he's intentionally trying to manipulate me, I think it's more that he can't see and accept responsibility for his own emotions and resulting actions.
He might also have this in this head because I've been trying to get him to see that he needs to do his part- going to school, helping around house, doing what he's told, etc, in order for me to be able to do what I need to do- go to work, pay bills, etc. I tend to think he's looking at this like it's the same thing, but it isn't. I do need him to do his part as a contributing family member. I can't leave him unsupervised and go to work. I'm not refusing to go to work and then blaming it on being upset with difficult child- but I honestly think he's telling himself and me that right now.
Is that dillusional thinking- or would that be a typical lack of understanding for a kid his age? Or is it a difficult child way of thinking- not necessarily dillusional?
Also, I think there's more going on but I don't know what. At first, difficult child told me that he couldn't tell me what was bugging him but that he'd told his therapist. (I figured that was whta would come out at the family session.) Then, after difficult child told me he was still cutting, I ask if he'd told therapist and he said "no". So, I told him that if there's more going on, I wish he would tell me and that whatever he'd discussed with therapist couldn't be bad enough to require psychiatric hospital or therapist would have had to address it to keep difficult child safe. He then said "oh, no, there was nothing else I told therapist". So, maybe that's true, but I'm not sure.
He's been polite, compliant, and respectful today. He's done anything I wanted (basic stuff- bring dirty clothes, take shower, help me in kitchen a second) without fussing or anything. But, obviously, something is really bugging this kid and he seems to be waivering between taking it out on himself and lashing out. I tend to think it is facing the real consequences- you know, the natural ones, from all this trouble he's been in. It has effected our lifestyle, his ability to have friends at school and in the neighborhood, his own self esteem, etc.
Thoughts?
Then today, I found that while difficult child was doing yardwork, he apparently got my keys out of my jacket pocket and went to the trunk of the car and got out a couple of items that were found by cops in his bedroom last night. I should have kept a closer eye on my keys, I know, but I found this out pretty quick. So, I told difficult child that I didn't want to call cops again, but that he knew I would so I am giving him one chance to give me those items back immediately. He did, then went back to blowing leaves.
Then, later, he looked sullen and I talked to him and told him that I still love him and am willing to listen to whatever is going on with him. He told me he couldn't tell me because I would have him put in psychiatric hospital again. Eventually, he let me know that he's cutting again. He must still have something in his room that they didn't find last night because he showed me a fresh place on his arm.
Based on our talk today and what I've heard and seen in him lately this is the way it appears to me: Similar to an addict that is blaming someone else for their using, I think difficult child somehow triess to justify what he's doing by blaming it on me- like if I would have handled something differently, he wouldn't feel the need to do this. But, I don't really think it is quite because he's intentionally trying to manipulate me, I think it's more that he can't see and accept responsibility for his own emotions and resulting actions.
He might also have this in this head because I've been trying to get him to see that he needs to do his part- going to school, helping around house, doing what he's told, etc, in order for me to be able to do what I need to do- go to work, pay bills, etc. I tend to think he's looking at this like it's the same thing, but it isn't. I do need him to do his part as a contributing family member. I can't leave him unsupervised and go to work. I'm not refusing to go to work and then blaming it on being upset with difficult child- but I honestly think he's telling himself and me that right now.
Is that dillusional thinking- or would that be a typical lack of understanding for a kid his age? Or is it a difficult child way of thinking- not necessarily dillusional?
Also, I think there's more going on but I don't know what. At first, difficult child told me that he couldn't tell me what was bugging him but that he'd told his therapist. (I figured that was whta would come out at the family session.) Then, after difficult child told me he was still cutting, I ask if he'd told therapist and he said "no". So, I told him that if there's more going on, I wish he would tell me and that whatever he'd discussed with therapist couldn't be bad enough to require psychiatric hospital or therapist would have had to address it to keep difficult child safe. He then said "oh, no, there was nothing else I told therapist". So, maybe that's true, but I'm not sure.
He's been polite, compliant, and respectful today. He's done anything I wanted (basic stuff- bring dirty clothes, take shower, help me in kitchen a second) without fussing or anything. But, obviously, something is really bugging this kid and he seems to be waivering between taking it out on himself and lashing out. I tend to think it is facing the real consequences- you know, the natural ones, from all this trouble he's been in. It has effected our lifestyle, his ability to have friends at school and in the neighborhood, his own self esteem, etc.
Thoughts?
But at some point I'm sure I would benefit from some one on one.
