Yet another story...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracyf551, Jul 6, 2009.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Well difficult child went and did it this time. There are a couple of new things to the drama since I checked in last. First on 4th of July my parents come home to find that difficult child had been in there house when there were away over night. Got in, took a shower, changed clothes and then my stepdad discovered 3 of his guns are missing along with money he had hidden. Then if that is not bad enough on Sunday morning a local police officer called me looking for difficult child. He wanted to speak with him regarding a burglary a few weeks back at a local business. Yet another, the detective investigating the gun theft tells me today that difficult child may also be tied to a few more B&E's.
    difficult child refuses to talk to anyone to try and clear his name. So I figure if he doesn't want clear his name then he must be guilty.
    I found him today to try and get him to talk to the detective and he was in agreement so I went to pick him up. He knew I had only had $10.00 (he saw it). I was going to get a pack of ciggs cuz my nerves are shot (I know nasty habit) I told him i would give him some if he went to talk to the detective. He said he wanted the money I said no. He then threatened to grab the wheel of the car and run into on coming traffic. I pulled over as quickly as I could and told him to get out or I would call the police on my cell. I told him I am done, he will not threaten my life no more. I at this point have 2 boys, the 3rd is too far gone.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm sorry. I think you should have called the police. He needs to get some help and as long as he is out on the streets, he will not turn himself in. It's hard to call on your own child, but as one who has done it, I know that sometimes we do what we have to do.
  3. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I have been there too. My son has grabbed the steering wheel before also - once the cracked the windshield - I didnt call the police at that time because I was driving the car - once my son saw a $20. bill in my pocketbook and had a fit because he wanted it. I understand. Right now I am wondering if I should call the police on my son again - I know they are growing pot where he lives and probably dealing with pills - selling them - also there is a 2year old little girl that lives there - I told him DSS could come in a get her - he also has told me that have been stealing scrap metal from places and trading it for money - now why would someone stoop so low to do that - I said oh that is great - yea just steal that makes everything ok!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry it has come to this. At this point you are right to refuse anything your difficult child wants. focus on your other kids, allow yourself to grieve over difficult child and what he could have been or done with his life.

    I am sorry it has come to this. With difficult child being 19, it may be helpful to call the police and let them know where he is staying.

    Standwithcourage - Don't you DARE! Calling the police at this point, with your son being 25 and just waiting to drag you down again, would NOT be healthy. The 2yo might warrant a call to DCF, but NO MORE. ONE CALL TO DCF for the child, that is the MOST you need to do. Your difficult child is a full grown man, of age to be out of college with an advanced degree if he wanted. You cannot save him. Let him be. Hang up, no more calls to anyone about him.
  5. maril

    maril New Member

    How awful. I am so sorry.

    You were smart to pull over and insist he get out. You should not be in harm's way. Please take care of yourself.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. He really has abandoned you and everything you taught him.

    That's horrific that he stole your father's guns. I would be beside myself. I think I would be more angry than worried, to be honest. It's one big reason there aren't any guns in our house. (The other being I would liked to have shot someone from time to time and without a gun I couldn't. ;) Sorry. It had to be said...)
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, you did the right thing. He is dangerous right now. I don't know if you can help your son, but I'd cooperate with the police or YOU could get into trouble. Let them know what happened, then try to "let go and let God" (as YOU know God, even if it's just the ocean or nature--) let something bigger and more powerful than you take over the welfare of your child because it's out of your hands.

    I had called the cops on my daughter. When I found her with pot I turned her in, hoping it would deter her and get her help. But she was a teenager. She learned. At age 25 (yesterday was her birthday--yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!) if she was still growing pot and stealing, I would just let her hang herself, knowing I couldn't save her anymore. Yes, I'd call CPS because of the two year old though. That poor kid deserves a better environment than a drug house!
  8. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Well got difficult child to go the local hospital to talk to crisi and get into rehab. Well the local police got him to go. We got there at 2am and he was willing to go. But then around 9:30am he started getting dope sick and the ride to rehab was only 15 minutes away and he walked said he wasn't going. Mad about this is not even close to describing it! So I told him if he walks I am done with him.
    Now a detective is contacting all of us regarding the stolen guns. difficult child admitted to taking the guns. There will be a felony warrant put out tomorrow. He also has been tied to MANY B&E's in the area as well as a burglary in town here. Every day there is something new.
    I am on my vacation week here and trust me it's not very relaxing, I can hardly wait to go back to work.
  9. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Is your difficult child at home with you now? Did he finally go to rehab?
  10. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Stands.. see my updated posts as to were we stand with rehab.
  11. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    difficult child did not go to rehab I am not sure where he is.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    That is just so scary that he has guns and is committing burglaries and high. It's an extremely dangerous mix. I hope that he will be safely found and sobered up. Hopefully he hasn't sold the guns to someone even less responsible than he is.
  13. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I understand your worry. I have been in the same place you are in. My son left a rehab in another city and I wasnt sure where he was either. Just pray that God puts a hedge of protection around him. I am sure he is safe. You will hear from him but I know how upset with him you are. We have been down the same road. Somehow you get through it - what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    When my son committed burglary - and the police showed up in my yard asking for the "loot" I invited him in our home, looked for the stuff and turned it in. I also turned my son in. He is now a convicted felon.

    He went to jail, on 13 counts of conspiracy, 2 counts of burglary, 1 count of b&e and all becase he was the idiot who stood outside and said - SOMEONE IS has cost him well over $13,000.00 and his name - he was COULD have cost him 20 years in prison in the state of SC for each count as 2 of the burglaries were after 11:00 PM.

    IF I had it to do over again? I would. It sent a very clear message to my son that I'm not playing with crooks and I'm not living with one.

    He was 15 - he was tried as an adult -

    The other 2 boys - were 15 and 13......BOTH had prior records for burglary and were BOTH out on probation. Dude had NO record and was the ONLY one who went to jail for 91 days.

    One of the boys - got 3 weeks in jail. (the 15 year old) but got the same fines and sentencing.

    THe other boy who was 13 at the time - got a slap on the wrist and returned to his Mother who lied to the police threw her teeth about her sons involvement. The cop KNEW she was lying - and still let it go.
    He is now serving juvenille life - for other related crimes because he was never made to serve any time for anything he did and continued to break into homes nearly getting shot.

    Her other son is going to go to prison shortly for drug possession near a school, running from the law, resisting arrest and will do 30 years hard time - he is 17.

    I can't tell you what to do - but eventually the law is going to catch up to him and then it will be too late to have a day with him where you can have a lunch in the park and take a picture with him, hug him and then have an officer come get him. Have your moment - hug, hold and then let happen what will happen.

    I'm so sorry for you Tracey - My deepest Mommy hugs for you.
  15. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    You know to reply to Stars post to you Tracey - my son told me the other day they had been breaking into houses and taking things - or as he put it - he was the lookout!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I told him why are you doing that? That is burglary and you could do serious time even if you are the lookout. He said we need the money. I said that is why my doors are locked. I just dont understand it. I also dont understand why he tells me - I said Oh good son, that makes me proud.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Stands - In the state of SC - the hand of one is the hand of all - if he is involved in burglaries during the day - he will be charged just like he planned it (conspiracy to commit a crime or the planning of it), breaking and entering, and the actual burglary. It's a felony charge.

    If he is doing this at night at they catch them? It's mandatory 20 years. If the crime is committed after 11:00 PM in this state it's a MANDATORY 20 years. IF they have handguns? It's an additional 7 years MANDATORY.

    If the officer had obtained a warrant with sufficient evidence believing that the stolen merchandise was kept in my home? Myself as well as DF could have also been charged as accomplices and been considered in that hand of one hand of all deal. Something to consider when you are speaking with people who may be under observation by the county police.

    Be careful.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Tracy, Star is right. He runs the risk of being SHOT and KILLED if you don't help him turn himself in. Even if you don't tell him the police are coming and arrange for them to come get him as you eat. At least you will be able to hug him before he is taken away.

    Otherwise you may be able to see him but not touch him or speak to him when they eventually find him and arrest him. IF he is smart enough to not have a gun or make any threatening moves toward the officers.

    I am so sorry.