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Yet another threat. Waiting to hear punishment.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 266647" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>StepTo2, you picked it up as well. </p><p></p><p>The time of day, plus writing task - problems. Also, again the safe room - he walks therewillingly, THEN explodes.</p><p></p><p>Either the safe room has bad connotations for him, or he's in a pattern of expectation. "I'm in the safe room, therefore it's the place and time for me to throw a tantrum and make threats."</p><p></p><p>He mightn't even be doing this consciously. Or he might know it's likely, but is tihnking, "THIS time I'll hold it together." But the memory of all the past bad times just won't let him keep it together.</p><p></p><p>This para doesn't sound like she did anything wrong; she sounds like she was trying to do it by the book (although I agree, thinkingther task would be fun - she doesn't 'get' him, but that's the problem, nobody really does yet.) If you can, thank the para for trying to help him and for giving such a detailed report. tell her that this information is really useful, a pattern is beginning to emerge. It will shock her, to be thanked - she's expecting criticism, I suspect she knows she's bad at her job and is aggressive about it. Thing is, today she did the right things, as far as I can see.</p><p></p><p>Current protocol seems to be a big part of the problem (and, of course, idiot pretty boy). This IS a very young child, plus he has problems still not fully identified. Without getting a solid handle on the problems, it does hamper the hired help, so to speak. There needs to be wiggle room for modifying things when it becomes clear that it's just not working.</p><p></p><p>So, Shari - how are his medications administered? Is he getting regular medication top-ups through the day? Is it maybe wearing off too soon?</p><p></p><p>Or another thought, which was very much an issue for us with difficult child 3 - if he's getting hassled on the playground either by other kids or by teachers, he could be coming back in to class more hyped up than he should be. Sometimes it's not anybody doing anything wrong, it's just difficult children not understanding the social rules of casual, unstructured play. For example, we'd get difficult child 3 playing on the playground equipment but getting upset because he didn't get a turn. Other kids wouldtease him and tell him he could have a turn after them, then they wouldn't get off. Or they would keep letting other kids in ahead of them, which kept difficult child 3 at the back of the queue. He was obsessed with this play equipment. There were times when he would refuse to come in after lunch because he had been promised a turn and hadn't yet had it. It really made the after-lunch lessons really disruptive, especially towards the end of the school year when everyone's tempers and tolerances were frayed.</p><p></p><p>Has the IEP meeting been timetabled yet? You need to have one urgently, to re-visit some things:</p><p></p><p>1) the Communication Book has to be found and put to use. The current communication is clearly beneficial to everybody.</p><p></p><p>2) The "safe room" needs to be re-evaluated and perhaps a different protocol put in place; there has been a conditioned response built up so that putting him in the safe room now, appears to be dramatically escalating him. The habit must be broken.</p><p></p><p>3) Use of computer for written tasks. Voice recognition software perhaps NOT a good idea, he's very young and needs to learn to type. But if he needs it due to language-based problems, then thank goodness for speech recognition technology.</p><p></p><p>4) Alternative diversions need to be in place to help him de-escalate. However, this seems to be an ongoing problem that everyone needs to keep focussed on, to find a solution. He's getting fired up very quickly, either on the way to the safe room or once there. But the reasons for heading to the safe room ARE NOT work refusal, there is something else going on here.</p><p></p><p>What is working currently - having a para. And giving him choices - VERY good. Kudos to the para for this.</p><p></p><p>Suggestion - he needs an alternative, quieter, work environment especially for challenging tasks. Possibly having an audience could be making it harder for him to calm hiself. Alternatively, if he is working in a room with no other kids and he begins to get upset, it's no skin off anyone's nose if he makes a bit of noise. By not needing to move him, then the tantrum onset can be ignored, the para can back off phsyically and give him space and time. The worksheet is still there and still needing to be done, it won't go away.</p><p></p><p>SO to add to this suggestion - we already know that certain tasks (writing) and certain times (round lunchtime) are bad. So I recommend that at lerast for a while, those times be highlighted as MOST important to be proactive and to set him up in a quiet place to begin with. Tell him that for a while, he has a different quieter place to get some work done, so the other students won't be a distraction.</p><p></p><p>Next step - if he begins to get upset and can't calm himself, then maybe take him outside into the open (because self-noise doesn't generally echo outside, it's harder to scare yourself with your own screaming).</p><p></p><p>Safe room - absolute last resort, if then. At least for the rest of this year. It's not only not working, it's making him worse. Much worse.</p><p></p><p>As for the threats - they shouldn't be taking them seriously. Of course he needs to learn to not say these things, but frankly as things are at the moment, he's being trained to say these things, because it gets a reaction. It's good that the para is taking notes of how many times he is hitting his head or throwing shoes, but we need this level of data for the period BEFORE he gets upset, and as he is escalating.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can get some strategies in place. If someone higher up comes in and says, "This kid has to go," or whatever, explain that the problems are simply the result of this kids' needs not yet being fully identified or appropriately met, and you're not blaming anyone here because it's simply a matter of teamwork plus knowledge being needed. You have some strategies to try which (thanks to the newer information) should work better.</p><p></p><p>An analogy - you are tracking an animal with a radio transmitter collar. You are on your own in the forest, the animal is in there somewhere too. The best you can do to begin with, is to know that the animal is in a particular direction away from you. So you move (and hope the animal is not moving). Then you take another reading - with the second reading you have a different direction. So you draw this on the map, and you should get two lines which intersect. At the point of intersection, is where the animal should be. So you go there. Now you are really close, but it still mightn'y be perfect, because perhaps the animal DID move, or perhaps the hilliness of the ground has confused the reading. But each time you take another bearing, you are so much closer to finding your target.</p><p></p><p>And so it is here - all this information is helping. Of course everyone is highly likely to go in the wrong direction to begin with, simply because of lack of knowledge of tis particular child. There is also stuff always going on that we just don't know (the animal being hidden in there somwhere; maybe moving, maybe not. Maybe there is a predator in there chasing our target animal). The best we can do, is to keep trying, and each time we try, we get closer. There should be no blame, or guilt, for not getting it right yet. We only blame, when someone clearly goes off in the wrong direction knowing it's wrong, or they switch off the radio receiver, or they sit down and ignore the job entirely then fudge their reports and pretend the animal was found, when it wasn't really.</p><p></p><p>Shari, these guys are frustrating. But after having him for a year, they have some understanding. If you move him, you will to a certain extent be starting over. You need to weigh this in to your decision. Of course, it may still be worth making a move. Or you might find things begin to improve a lot from here (it's like drawing the second line, giving a much closer estimate).</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying don't move him, I'm not saying you should move him. But after all this effort, it would be good to see some positive results and the fruits of your hard work.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 266647, member: 1991"] StepTo2, you picked it up as well. The time of day, plus writing task - problems. Also, again the safe room - he walks therewillingly, THEN explodes. Either the safe room has bad connotations for him, or he's in a pattern of expectation. "I'm in the safe room, therefore it's the place and time for me to throw a tantrum and make threats." He mightn't even be doing this consciously. Or he might know it's likely, but is tihnking, "THIS time I'll hold it together." But the memory of all the past bad times just won't let him keep it together. This para doesn't sound like she did anything wrong; she sounds like she was trying to do it by the book (although I agree, thinkingther task would be fun - she doesn't 'get' him, but that's the problem, nobody really does yet.) If you can, thank the para for trying to help him and for giving such a detailed report. tell her that this information is really useful, a pattern is beginning to emerge. It will shock her, to be thanked - she's expecting criticism, I suspect she knows she's bad at her job and is aggressive about it. Thing is, today she did the right things, as far as I can see. Current protocol seems to be a big part of the problem (and, of course, idiot pretty boy). This IS a very young child, plus he has problems still not fully identified. Without getting a solid handle on the problems, it does hamper the hired help, so to speak. There needs to be wiggle room for modifying things when it becomes clear that it's just not working. So, Shari - how are his medications administered? Is he getting regular medication top-ups through the day? Is it maybe wearing off too soon? Or another thought, which was very much an issue for us with difficult child 3 - if he's getting hassled on the playground either by other kids or by teachers, he could be coming back in to class more hyped up than he should be. Sometimes it's not anybody doing anything wrong, it's just difficult children not understanding the social rules of casual, unstructured play. For example, we'd get difficult child 3 playing on the playground equipment but getting upset because he didn't get a turn. Other kids wouldtease him and tell him he could have a turn after them, then they wouldn't get off. Or they would keep letting other kids in ahead of them, which kept difficult child 3 at the back of the queue. He was obsessed with this play equipment. There were times when he would refuse to come in after lunch because he had been promised a turn and hadn't yet had it. It really made the after-lunch lessons really disruptive, especially towards the end of the school year when everyone's tempers and tolerances were frayed. Has the IEP meeting been timetabled yet? You need to have one urgently, to re-visit some things: 1) the Communication Book has to be found and put to use. The current communication is clearly beneficial to everybody. 2) The "safe room" needs to be re-evaluated and perhaps a different protocol put in place; there has been a conditioned response built up so that putting him in the safe room now, appears to be dramatically escalating him. The habit must be broken. 3) Use of computer for written tasks. Voice recognition software perhaps NOT a good idea, he's very young and needs to learn to type. But if he needs it due to language-based problems, then thank goodness for speech recognition technology. 4) Alternative diversions need to be in place to help him de-escalate. However, this seems to be an ongoing problem that everyone needs to keep focussed on, to find a solution. He's getting fired up very quickly, either on the way to the safe room or once there. But the reasons for heading to the safe room ARE NOT work refusal, there is something else going on here. What is working currently - having a para. And giving him choices - VERY good. Kudos to the para for this. Suggestion - he needs an alternative, quieter, work environment especially for challenging tasks. Possibly having an audience could be making it harder for him to calm hiself. Alternatively, if he is working in a room with no other kids and he begins to get upset, it's no skin off anyone's nose if he makes a bit of noise. By not needing to move him, then the tantrum onset can be ignored, the para can back off phsyically and give him space and time. The worksheet is still there and still needing to be done, it won't go away. SO to add to this suggestion - we already know that certain tasks (writing) and certain times (round lunchtime) are bad. So I recommend that at lerast for a while, those times be highlighted as MOST important to be proactive and to set him up in a quiet place to begin with. Tell him that for a while, he has a different quieter place to get some work done, so the other students won't be a distraction. Next step - if he begins to get upset and can't calm himself, then maybe take him outside into the open (because self-noise doesn't generally echo outside, it's harder to scare yourself with your own screaming). Safe room - absolute last resort, if then. At least for the rest of this year. It's not only not working, it's making him worse. Much worse. As for the threats - they shouldn't be taking them seriously. Of course he needs to learn to not say these things, but frankly as things are at the moment, he's being trained to say these things, because it gets a reaction. It's good that the para is taking notes of how many times he is hitting his head or throwing shoes, but we need this level of data for the period BEFORE he gets upset, and as he is escalating. I hope you can get some strategies in place. If someone higher up comes in and says, "This kid has to go," or whatever, explain that the problems are simply the result of this kids' needs not yet being fully identified or appropriately met, and you're not blaming anyone here because it's simply a matter of teamwork plus knowledge being needed. You have some strategies to try which (thanks to the newer information) should work better. An analogy - you are tracking an animal with a radio transmitter collar. You are on your own in the forest, the animal is in there somewhere too. The best you can do to begin with, is to know that the animal is in a particular direction away from you. So you move (and hope the animal is not moving). Then you take another reading - with the second reading you have a different direction. So you draw this on the map, and you should get two lines which intersect. At the point of intersection, is where the animal should be. So you go there. Now you are really close, but it still mightn'y be perfect, because perhaps the animal DID move, or perhaps the hilliness of the ground has confused the reading. But each time you take another bearing, you are so much closer to finding your target. And so it is here - all this information is helping. Of course everyone is highly likely to go in the wrong direction to begin with, simply because of lack of knowledge of tis particular child. There is also stuff always going on that we just don't know (the animal being hidden in there somwhere; maybe moving, maybe not. Maybe there is a predator in there chasing our target animal). The best we can do, is to keep trying, and each time we try, we get closer. There should be no blame, or guilt, for not getting it right yet. We only blame, when someone clearly goes off in the wrong direction knowing it's wrong, or they switch off the radio receiver, or they sit down and ignore the job entirely then fudge their reports and pretend the animal was found, when it wasn't really. Shari, these guys are frustrating. But after having him for a year, they have some understanding. If you move him, you will to a certain extent be starting over. You need to weigh this in to your decision. Of course, it may still be worth making a move. Or you might find things begin to improve a lot from here (it's like drawing the second line, giving a much closer estimate). I'm not saying don't move him, I'm not saying you should move him. But after all this effort, it would be good to see some positive results and the fruits of your hard work. Marg [/QUOTE]
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