pepperidge
New Member
HI,
Over spring break we got together with some old friends that we see about once a year. They have a daughter my youngest son's age and they used to hang out a lot together before we moved about 4 years ago. After about two hours together on the beach (not having seen each other since last summer), they went inside to get something and apparently agreed to have sex. Dad who was supervising let them go in, thinking that they were going to come back out with camera. (fortunately they didn't find camera!)
We found this out because the girl (who is not at all a difficult child) confided in her mother that they were having sex and she was worried that she was might get pregnant. Now from everything we can gather, all (gasp) they did was take off their clothes and lie on top of each other. (Clearly there are some gaps in their sex ed, it would appear.)
My youngest has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and is quite impulsive. Also beginning to go through puberty. Neither child is exposed to inappropriate videos etc. Guess there must be talk at school, but really I am still flabbergasted that they would even try something like this.
Needless to say, we were upset, angry and about fifteen other things. When we talked to him about it (calmly after the shock wore off), we tried to take the tack that curiosity is normal yada yada but there are apprpropriate boundaries. I am really not sure he even gets why we are upset about. There is a real immaturity there. I am not clear at all how much was driven by sexual pleasure and how much by more of an immature curiosity. His knowledge of what even sex is is not even clear. Needless to say we have also provided some remedial sex ed.
I also explained to him that it is likely we will never see this family again. That didn't seem to register--perhaps again Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) inability to really think ahead to consequences. I am actually pretty depressed about that, as these are very good friends. It is so hard to find good friends who seem to like your difficult children and the whole family treasured the relationship. I am devastated that this happened with her daughter --though I think the daughter is not entirely blameless.
Among other things, this has made me aware that my youngest difficult child is going to need a whole level of supervision beyond what I expected. At this point, while I would expect it is still many years away, I am certainly not going to let him go to parties etc.
Yikes. This is just way out of my parenting league. HELP!
p.
Over spring break we got together with some old friends that we see about once a year. They have a daughter my youngest son's age and they used to hang out a lot together before we moved about 4 years ago. After about two hours together on the beach (not having seen each other since last summer), they went inside to get something and apparently agreed to have sex. Dad who was supervising let them go in, thinking that they were going to come back out with camera. (fortunately they didn't find camera!)
We found this out because the girl (who is not at all a difficult child) confided in her mother that they were having sex and she was worried that she was might get pregnant. Now from everything we can gather, all (gasp) they did was take off their clothes and lie on top of each other. (Clearly there are some gaps in their sex ed, it would appear.)
My youngest has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and is quite impulsive. Also beginning to go through puberty. Neither child is exposed to inappropriate videos etc. Guess there must be talk at school, but really I am still flabbergasted that they would even try something like this.
Needless to say, we were upset, angry and about fifteen other things. When we talked to him about it (calmly after the shock wore off), we tried to take the tack that curiosity is normal yada yada but there are apprpropriate boundaries. I am really not sure he even gets why we are upset about. There is a real immaturity there. I am not clear at all how much was driven by sexual pleasure and how much by more of an immature curiosity. His knowledge of what even sex is is not even clear. Needless to say we have also provided some remedial sex ed.
I also explained to him that it is likely we will never see this family again. That didn't seem to register--perhaps again Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) inability to really think ahead to consequences. I am actually pretty depressed about that, as these are very good friends. It is so hard to find good friends who seem to like your difficult children and the whole family treasured the relationship. I am devastated that this happened with her daughter --though I think the daughter is not entirely blameless.
Among other things, this has made me aware that my youngest difficult child is going to need a whole level of supervision beyond what I expected. At this point, while I would expect it is still many years away, I am certainly not going to let him go to parties etc.
Yikes. This is just way out of my parenting league. HELP!
p.