Yikes! A taste of my sister's life

[TerryJ2]

I spent several hrs with-Dad today, so decided to treat myself and went shopping in an old neighborhood known for cute, privately owned shops and cafes. Then came back and had takeout pasta salad from an italian restaurant (in same neighborhood), two glasses of wine, read first chap of a book, and fell asleep. Ahhhh.

Phone rings. I don't answer. No caller ID. Not my phone.
Phone rings again. ditto.
Third time. Hmm. Maybe the assisted living ctr doesn't have my cell ph? Calling persistently usually means bad news.
Hello?
Raspy voice, crying ... my niece, C.
Uh. Did I scr*w up and something happened to Dad on my watch?
Nope.
"My power is out and my phone died so I'm on this phone and my dog has dry heaves and I've had a really bad day so can you come over?"
I only got half of that, so asked her to repeat.
How long have the dry heaves been going on? Today.
Do you have the money for a vet?
Yes.
Okay ...
No.
Sigh.
No power. Hmm.
"Well, I'd love to come over but I've had two glasses of wine and I think it would be a really bad idea to drive."
Funny, how quickly she cleared up and spoke a bit more coherently when she realized I was useless.
"I'll call my dad's cell ph."
(My niece is 25)

5 min later, B comes in the door. "Did C get a hold of you?"
"Yes."
"I told her I'd had two glasses of wine and couldn't drive."
"That's what I should have done."

Sigh. Poor guy. He's always carping on my sister for caving. Now it's his turn.

I was going to post this on Parent Emeritus or Teens and Substance Abuse but figured I'm in it this time, so wth. It's in WC.
C desperately needs therapy, psychiatric hospital, a new place to live. Has zero coping skills.
I can see how she sucks everyone in. Not my problem.
Thank d*g I had an excuse because I'm a lousy liar and didn't want to start an argument.

Thanks for listening.

 

[klmno]

I spent several hrs with-Dad today, so decided to treat myself and went shopping in an old neighborhood known for cute, privately owned shops and cafes. Then came back and had takeout pasta salad from an italian restaurant (in same neighborhood), two glasses of wine, read first chap of a book, and fell asleep. Ahhhh.

This part sounds good! Maybe this is what we all should do- take care of ourselves, relax, and know when it's not a true difficult child emergency to just let it roll right on by and let the difficult child deal with it. LOL!

 

[hearts and roses]

Good for you! Now, if you hadn't had two glasses of wine....would you have responded differently? Just wondering.

Glad you at least got that time to chill!

 

[AnnieO]

I've done this a time or two to O... "COME GET ME!" "Uh, I've had a couple glasses of wine, I can't, you'll have to walk."

I love being able to sit back...

 

[TerryJ2]

i know. I am wondering what I would have done, as well. I did the right thing, no matter what. But now I have a great white lie for the next time. Although people will really think I've hit the bottle ... hmm ... I've got a migraine sounds good, too.
Poor thing, she was so pitiful, but what I really wanted to say was, get on antianxiety medications, get a job, and move out. She would have hung up on me. Good thing she doesn't have mental telepathy.
now, to be this strong when it's my kids' turn ...

 

[susiestar]

People may think you are a lush, but why do you care what people think?

"I have a migraine" is one that NO ONE can challenge = how can they tell if you do or don't. I know, I get a LOT of them. My bro tried to convince me I didn't, that I was imagining the headaches, sensitivity, etc... until I said okay. I don't have a migraine. Let's go have coffee. I walked into a brightly lit room, called his name, threw up all over him, and went back into my dark room and put my hot pack on my head and my head on my pillow.

Practice it. Rehearse it so that it comes out naturally. It will be your best friend when you need a break. Esp if you don't really have them that often.

I am glad you let the fauxcrisis pass with-o involving you. Why not send you sis some info on detachment?

I KNOW if I called my mom to come help because the dog was sick she would tell me to go deal with it and be an adult. Ditto a power outage - go call the power co and see how much you owe on the bill that they cut off the power. Then pay it. THen she would hang up on me, or tell me to have a good day! This was when I was 18-19. Now, she would problem just laugh, but I wouldn't call her - why bother her?

 

[keista]

And at least you're being a responsible lush!

I've used that line several times on other ppl's kids, or "friends" I just didn't want to deal with at the moment. Hopefully I'll never have to use it with my own, but they already know that's my rule.

 

[InsaneCdn]

now, to be this strong when it's my kids' turn ...

THAT is the toughest part of all!
But it doesn't hurt to have a little practice ahead of time.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, the irony of all of this is that my sister is the first to advocate AlAnon, etc. but she still enables her daughter. Her excuse is that she is mentally ill and needs help. Hmm.