Yikes we are going backwards not forwards....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wolonfab, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. wolonfab

    wolonfab New Member

    Hi all

    Well as i was informed the other day my difficult child does not have aspergers like first diagnosed..he is too good socially and very smart....he doesn't appear to be psychotic (that was b4 she knew he had killed pets...i wonder if that changes anything?).....The psychiatrist did mention CD though to start and said there is so much going on that she is unsure of what else yet as he is very young and fits many things right now...she said that he is changing as he grows and what fitted a year ago no longer fits now.....so its a waiting game again

    she told me to that i need to work out what he is trying to communicate to me......the school says he is a perfect child and the psychiatrist even said that he is engaging and very friendly and behaved with her......so i guess its just me thats the problem.....

    I told her not to dare blame my parenting..so she asked why i think he does this and i said cause he wants to be in control and manipulate me...he is wanting to anihilate me as well....I said to her i am not sure how much longer he can keep going esp with he way he is attacking the baby.... He has her so anxious she is feeling sick in the stomach when he is around...I think is psychosomatic....

    she told me that DOCS was to call me within 72 hours and 14 days later we are still waiting....and with eater being here tomorrow it looks like another week at least b4 they even call... so much for the dangerous and at risk category

    He asked me the other day if i would like him to die... and every time he does this i cry inside..... i can no longer keep him in my yard...he has being climbing the fence and taking off...we live on a very busy main road so i am scared for him..I did lock all the doors on the weekend and he stole my window keys and took off out the window instead......

    i feel like we are going backwards cause now we are back to square one...... I am still trying to work out why the kid cane so good for everyone else and make me look like i am an idiot who cant control her kid.......i just want to know what they think the problem is.....

    but thats the update for now...... Have a great easter everyone.... and i hope these holidays go fast and are safe for us.......
     
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Paula, it's not your parenting. if it was, your daughter would be just as bad. This is way beyond parenting.

    Have you tried calling the psychiatrist back to let her know you haven't heard from DOCS? She may be thinking that everything is under control now, when it clearly isn't. Or she may think her office notified DOCS and someone has SNAFUd.

    There is clearly something very wrong with him. He is very unhappy, he seems to know something is very wrong with him and he wants it to stop, and he feels safer with you so you see it more than anyone else.

    I'm glad school think he is perfect. At least it gives him a chance to get some education into that bright little head of his. But what he is trying to tell you - that he is unhappy - you already know. What more can he do to get this across? You've already done so much in trying to communicate this to others - THEY need to step up to the plate now and give you and him a hearing and the help he needs.

    The only other thing I can suggest, and I don't know enough about it, is for you to call DOCS yourself and ask why you haven't heard from them. If you already have the name and/or number of who you were referred to I would do this. If you haven't, I'd call the psychiatrist first (or even drop in? Are they local to you?) and ask why you haven't yet heard from DOCS when this was supposed to be urgent, weeks ago.

    Your daughter feeling sick - it definitely sounds like anxiety to me. Poor kid, she shouldn't be going through this. Neither should you.

    You ARE further down the path than you were, although I can see the "one step forwards, two steps back" that is bothering you now. You need to keep nagging to get the help you need.
    Who to nag:
    1) The psychiatrist

    2) The GP? maybe skip?

    3) DOCS

    4) Mental Health at the hospital if there's a crisis over Easter

    5) your local MP (state or federal, either will do - one administers health and education, the other deals with DOCS). For the MP you need something in writing. An email will do. You need to keep it short and to the point - you have a child in crisis, you have been in crisis for years and recently you were told that DOCS would be called in for urgent assessment and intervention and nothing has happened and you're worried for the welfare of yourself and your daughter, while your son continues to be undiagnosed and untreated. Mention his slashed arms and escapology as well as your desperation.

    You can do it today, unless today is already overloaded. If you at least leave messages today, something might be set in place for you over the break. Some groups do keep working.

    Putting things in writing scares people, because it is an official note that there is a problem and they have some level of responsibility to wither intervene or refer. Your psychiatrist referred (or so she thought) and nothing has happened, so it's still her problem if he hurts someone. She takes the fall for not preventing it. That's why she's number 1 on the list.

    Good luck over Easter - if things get bad, take him to the hospital. Tell them that you've been told that DOCS were to be involved because he is a danger to others. Let them know about the animals he's harmed as well as his history of self-harm and harm to others.

    As for the continuing escapology - is there any clue as to why he is doing it? Is it attention-seeking? Is it part of his self-destructiveness (busy road outside)? Is he objecting to you telling him what to do? Is he trying to escape from what is hurting him inside? (which we try to do, but never can - when we run away we take it with us). Until you can sort out why, he will continue to do it. Even AFTER you've worked out why, it's hard to stop unless you can find another alternative for him. And from what you've told us, even if you put broken glass and razor wire along the top of the fence, he'd still go over it. He WILL find a way.

    I'm really not sure what else you can do. Short of keeping all the keys on a chain round your neck, and then what will he do if he can't escape?

    You need help. This is not your fault. You have been promised help (for urgent intervention) and it's not happened. Go back to the person who promised you and let them know that
    a) help hasn't arrived; and

    b) it's getting worse.

    Good luck.

    Marg
     
  3. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope somehow soon you get an answer about what is going on with him. I know there are too many who try to blame the parents, but don't fall for that. This is not your fault, you just have to keep digging til you find a root. There is something wrong. I hope you find the source soon. It's not easy, stay strong.
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am so sorry. That would make me crazy and angry if the dr promised to call back and didn't. Have you been pursuing it?
    How do you phrase your response to difficult child when he asks you if you want him to die?
    So sorry about your little one's anxiety, too.
    Marguerite has some great advice for you here.
    Good luck. Wish I had more to offer.
     
  5. Andrea Danielle

    Andrea Danielle New Member

    Big hug to you! Good for you for making it clear that it is not your parenting! I hate that it is so often the first thing they point to. You tell them! We understand.

    I don't have any advice, just my support!

    I hope things get better for you soon! Deep breath, it has to get better again.

    Andrea
     
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