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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658751" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Be very careful now. Know how to recognize FOG when that is where you are. He does need forgiveness. That does not mean you get to enable. The other things are just facts, are just things that have happened, and can be safely disregarded.</p><p></p><p>It helped me to say this to myself regarding either of my children: I love you too much to watch you self destruct and I am not going to help you do it.</p><p></p><p>That got me standing up.</p><p></p><p>For him: Addiction is a terrible thing. We know you can beat this. We will be there when you come out the other side. Addiction is a battle you can win. You are worth it. I know you can do this. I love you.</p><p></p><p>For you and your husband Seeking, know we are all right here for you both. Whatever direction your son takes himself now, there will be ups and downs and hope and relapse <em>but you are changing the parameters, you are making space for a new thing to happen</em>, by changing your responses.</p><p></p><p>That is alot to do, alot of change to create.</p><p></p><p>I know everyone else is going to say this is enabling, but I think knowing we are prepared helps us sleep well and stay strong and feel that we have some control, so I would: Learn about Christian-based treatment centers. Find one your son could fund himself. Know their success rate, visit the facility, become familiar with the facility, keep their intake number at the ready.</p><p></p><p>This is to help you.</p><p></p><p>It will be better not to give your son even a clue about any of this. Don't breathe a word of it. If the day ever comes that he is decides to get help you will be ready. In the interim, you will be strong enough to do nothing ~ absolutely nothing ~ to help him (to enable) because you will not be helpless. The responsibility for what happens next must rest with your son. You have no responsibility and you have no control or he would not be where he is now. </p><p></p><p>But that is okay.</p><p></p><p>It is going to be a chaotic ride.</p><p></p><p>Our son told me once that when he was in the midst of addiction, there were dry days when he could not find any drug, anywhere, and he suffered. When he was clean for a time? It seemed like he would stumble over piles of it just lying in the streets for free.</p><p></p><p>Very hard for all of us that our children are in these positions.</p><p></p><p>We don't get to enable.</p><p></p><p>It's so scary Seeking, but remember that piece Echolette posted about relationship: <em>Whatever is happening is okay. You will know how to handle yourselves. Relationships are long...there is no such thing as ruining them or missing an opportunity in a single moment. If he has changed and is reaching out, there will be more. If he is being manipulative, you have created space and strength and will recognize it and protect yourself.</em></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658751, member: 17461"] Yes. Be very careful now. Know how to recognize FOG when that is where you are. He does need forgiveness. That does not mean you get to enable. The other things are just facts, are just things that have happened, and can be safely disregarded. It helped me to say this to myself regarding either of my children: I love you too much to watch you self destruct and I am not going to help you do it. That got me standing up. For him: Addiction is a terrible thing. We know you can beat this. We will be there when you come out the other side. Addiction is a battle you can win. You are worth it. I know you can do this. I love you. For you and your husband Seeking, know we are all right here for you both. Whatever direction your son takes himself now, there will be ups and downs and hope and relapse [I]but you are changing the parameters, you are making space for a new thing to happen[/I], by changing your responses. That is alot to do, alot of change to create. I know everyone else is going to say this is enabling, but I think knowing we are prepared helps us sleep well and stay strong and feel that we have some control, so I would: Learn about Christian-based treatment centers. Find one your son could fund himself. Know their success rate, visit the facility, become familiar with the facility, keep their intake number at the ready. This is to help you. It will be better not to give your son even a clue about any of this. Don't breathe a word of it. If the day ever comes that he is decides to get help you will be ready. In the interim, you will be strong enough to do nothing ~ absolutely nothing ~ to help him (to enable) because you will not be helpless. The responsibility for what happens next must rest with your son. You have no responsibility and you have no control or he would not be where he is now. But that is okay. It is going to be a chaotic ride. Our son told me once that when he was in the midst of addiction, there were dry days when he could not find any drug, anywhere, and he suffered. When he was clean for a time? It seemed like he would stumble over piles of it just lying in the streets for free. Very hard for all of us that our children are in these positions. We don't get to enable. It's so scary Seeking, but remember that piece Echolette posted about relationship: [I]Whatever is happening is okay. You will know how to handle yourselves. Relationships are long...there is no such thing as ruining them or missing an opportunity in a single moment. If he has changed and is reaching out, there will be more. If he is being manipulative, you have created space and strength and will recognize it and protect yourself.[/I] Cedar [/QUOTE]
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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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