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You know, I think PE is exactly where this whole drama with Buck should be
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 575045" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>RM, you are a very smart woman. </p><p></p><p>In the past several weeks prior to this all blowing up in our faces, Tony and I had started to really work on things and were slowly getting back into our old patterns. We have a lot of things to work on. Neither of us take rejection or criticism well at all and we get angry at even the hint of it. For some reason now he is really hitting me below the belt quite often now about my parents both being dead, being an only child and all my extended family having anything to do with me. Well my extended family all lives in New England and for some reason my father kept me away from them from the time I was a late teen. Probably because I was a difficult child and he was ashamed of me. Now I cant get up there. I went up there in 1999 and they met Tony and my boys and were very happy to see us. They are all just closer to each other because they all live within 20 miles of each other and have all their lives. Not my fault. </p><p></p><p>Heck its not like he sees his family every day or even every year! He doesnt even talk to them monthly. He can go six months and not talk to one of them unless something big is going on. We see his youngest brother maybe once every year..or so..maybe once every other year. </p><p></p><p>I think Buck got him on the family thing. He never thought anything about me being an only child before. In fact when we were taking care of my mom he said he was glad I was an only child because if we had to deal with siblings it would have been so difficult with all the decision making junk. </p><p></p><p>One of the things that I am a bit upset about is I am wanting to attempt to work on getting my house cleaned up as I feel up to it and now I have my dining room filled with Buck's junk. And its not just a few things, its a complete household of furnishings. His bed, his kitchen table, about 8 of those large rubbermaid tubs filled with whatever, a bunch of other stuff stacked up all over that stuff, chairs, and whatever else is in the pile. It goes up my wall the height of a queen sized bed and out about 3 feet..maybe 4. </p><p></p><p>I had plans to look for a used piano sometime this spring to put in that spot. My desktop computer is on the wall opposite all this. I have an old sofa on the adjacent wall and a hutch on the opposite wall next to my computer. There is very little room now in that dining room. We will not be able to tear up the carpet in there without hauling all his junk out of there. Of course we werent going to be able to tear it out without moving our stuff either but we have less in there than he has all together. We have deliberately kept very little in my living room. I know its going to be a problem. My suggestion was to tell Buck when he calls that we would get him a small storage place and he could send the money to pay for it. One for his stuff shouldnt be much but if he didnt send the money to them, then he would lose it all. I wouldnt mind paying for the first month and sending him the key. Tony doesnt like that idea. </p><p></p><p>Im still trying to understand why he thinks we need to baby and take care of a grown man. Especially a grown man we didnt give birth to. I do sorta understand why he feels the need to keep Billy here. I think he feels very guilty over some decisions we made when Billy was a child. We made one very bad decision that ended up with Billy living with my mom for most of his junior and senior high school years. If I had known then what I know now, it wouldnt have happened. Also we completely missed the aspergers. We knew something was different but we had no clue what. We had never heard of aspergers, never knew of autism except the classic type. He certainly wasnt that. He had a diagnosis of learning disabled but gifted. We just thought he was socially awkward too. We kept trying things to bring him out of his shell. He retreated more and more into books and gadgets. I was too busy with the other two and then he went to my mom's and we missed it with Billy completely. Maybe if he had been with us, we would have seen it before. Maybe someone in our family therapy sessions would have spotted it. </p><p></p><p>I can see where and why Tony feels guilty over that. We did spend a lifetime doing everything we could for both Jamie and Cory but we missed it with Billy. It cant be said we didnt do our best with the younger two but we did fall down on the job with Billy. And he will tell you that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 575045, member: 1514"] RM, you are a very smart woman. In the past several weeks prior to this all blowing up in our faces, Tony and I had started to really work on things and were slowly getting back into our old patterns. We have a lot of things to work on. Neither of us take rejection or criticism well at all and we get angry at even the hint of it. For some reason now he is really hitting me below the belt quite often now about my parents both being dead, being an only child and all my extended family having anything to do with me. Well my extended family all lives in New England and for some reason my father kept me away from them from the time I was a late teen. Probably because I was a difficult child and he was ashamed of me. Now I cant get up there. I went up there in 1999 and they met Tony and my boys and were very happy to see us. They are all just closer to each other because they all live within 20 miles of each other and have all their lives. Not my fault. Heck its not like he sees his family every day or even every year! He doesnt even talk to them monthly. He can go six months and not talk to one of them unless something big is going on. We see his youngest brother maybe once every year..or so..maybe once every other year. I think Buck got him on the family thing. He never thought anything about me being an only child before. In fact when we were taking care of my mom he said he was glad I was an only child because if we had to deal with siblings it would have been so difficult with all the decision making junk. One of the things that I am a bit upset about is I am wanting to attempt to work on getting my house cleaned up as I feel up to it and now I have my dining room filled with Buck's junk. And its not just a few things, its a complete household of furnishings. His bed, his kitchen table, about 8 of those large rubbermaid tubs filled with whatever, a bunch of other stuff stacked up all over that stuff, chairs, and whatever else is in the pile. It goes up my wall the height of a queen sized bed and out about 3 feet..maybe 4. I had plans to look for a used piano sometime this spring to put in that spot. My desktop computer is on the wall opposite all this. I have an old sofa on the adjacent wall and a hutch on the opposite wall next to my computer. There is very little room now in that dining room. We will not be able to tear up the carpet in there without hauling all his junk out of there. Of course we werent going to be able to tear it out without moving our stuff either but we have less in there than he has all together. We have deliberately kept very little in my living room. I know its going to be a problem. My suggestion was to tell Buck when he calls that we would get him a small storage place and he could send the money to pay for it. One for his stuff shouldnt be much but if he didnt send the money to them, then he would lose it all. I wouldnt mind paying for the first month and sending him the key. Tony doesnt like that idea. Im still trying to understand why he thinks we need to baby and take care of a grown man. Especially a grown man we didnt give birth to. I do sorta understand why he feels the need to keep Billy here. I think he feels very guilty over some decisions we made when Billy was a child. We made one very bad decision that ended up with Billy living with my mom for most of his junior and senior high school years. If I had known then what I know now, it wouldnt have happened. Also we completely missed the aspergers. We knew something was different but we had no clue what. We had never heard of aspergers, never knew of autism except the classic type. He certainly wasnt that. He had a diagnosis of learning disabled but gifted. We just thought he was socially awkward too. We kept trying things to bring him out of his shell. He retreated more and more into books and gadgets. I was too busy with the other two and then he went to my mom's and we missed it with Billy completely. Maybe if he had been with us, we would have seen it before. Maybe someone in our family therapy sessions would have spotted it. I can see where and why Tony feels guilty over that. We did spend a lifetime doing everything we could for both Jamie and Cory but we missed it with Billy. It cant be said we didnt do our best with the younger two but we did fall down on the job with Billy. And he will tell you that. [/QUOTE]
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You know, I think PE is exactly where this whole drama with Buck should be
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