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You know what's the worse?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 640052" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>GM, as you can see, many of us, who are older than you, have come out of similar circumstances, of abuse, neglect, dysfunctions of all different kinds.......we are mostly ALL wounded in some ways, some more than others................what ends up being important is how you perceive it........rather then self cruelty and blame for all you didn't do..........it makes a huge difference to start to let go of the blame and recognize, that we humans are not perfect, we ALL make mistakes and not one of us is a perfect parent because there is no such thing. We do our best. And, as Maya Angelou said, when you know better you do better. End of story. </p><p></p><p>Beating yourself up is not going to serve anyone, especially you. What will help to bring you more happiness and well being is to learn to be kind to yourself and to forgive yourself for all real and imagined wrongdoings. You did your best. That's all any of us can do. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter has mental issues and much of her raging may indeed be coming from that, as opposed to anything you did or didn't do. My father was an undiagnosed bi-polar rage-a-holic .....it was like growing up in an asylum, my siblings and I all coped in our different ways.........I sought out therapy and nourished a deep spirituality from a young age, both of which gave me my sanity and taught me about compassion for myself.</p><p></p><p>I see the challenges in life as lessons. Lessons to learn to love, accept and honor the Self. Lessons to be able to see who we really are, above our own negative thoughts about ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Many of us suffer from poor self concepts and it is not a life sentence, you can learn different ways to care for yourself and let go of guilt, shame, blame and the pain that goes along with it. How your daughter treats you is not an indicator of WHO YOU ARE. She is 18, in the best of worlds 18 year olds are self focused and for the most part, self absorbed. You can't rely on her for a good picture of who you are.</p><p></p><p>GM, find ways to nurture yourself, to be kind to yourself, to see the positive and good parts of you. You deserve that. You deserve to be loved and cared for and to stop blaming yourself. Let go of that guilt........every day do something kind for yourself...........take care of YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 640052, member: 13542"] GM, as you can see, many of us, who are older than you, have come out of similar circumstances, of abuse, neglect, dysfunctions of all different kinds.......we are mostly ALL wounded in some ways, some more than others................what ends up being important is how you perceive it........rather then self cruelty and blame for all you didn't do..........it makes a huge difference to start to let go of the blame and recognize, that we humans are not perfect, we ALL make mistakes and not one of us is a perfect parent because there is no such thing. We do our best. And, as Maya Angelou said, when you know better you do better. End of story. Beating yourself up is not going to serve anyone, especially you. What will help to bring you more happiness and well being is to learn to be kind to yourself and to forgive yourself for all real and imagined wrongdoings. You did your best. That's all any of us can do. Your daughter has mental issues and much of her raging may indeed be coming from that, as opposed to anything you did or didn't do. My father was an undiagnosed bi-polar rage-a-holic .....it was like growing up in an asylum, my siblings and I all coped in our different ways.........I sought out therapy and nourished a deep spirituality from a young age, both of which gave me my sanity and taught me about compassion for myself. I see the challenges in life as lessons. Lessons to learn to love, accept and honor the Self. Lessons to be able to see who we really are, above our own negative thoughts about ourselves. Many of us suffer from poor self concepts and it is not a life sentence, you can learn different ways to care for yourself and let go of guilt, shame, blame and the pain that goes along with it. How your daughter treats you is not an indicator of WHO YOU ARE. She is 18, in the best of worlds 18 year olds are self focused and for the most part, self absorbed. You can't rely on her for a good picture of who you are. GM, find ways to nurture yourself, to be kind to yourself, to see the positive and good parts of you. You deserve that. You deserve to be loved and cared for and to stop blaming yourself. Let go of that guilt........every day do something kind for yourself...........take care of YOU. [/QUOTE]
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