You wil NOT believe this! Need to vent!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovelyboy, Nov 8, 2011.

  1. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Ok....after my lovely son told me he didn't want to do Occupational Therapist (OT) anymore, she wanted to meet with me to discuss matters.
    So we did....on the way my son said, ok he will do Occupational Therapist (OT) again.....he drives me nuts!

    But I was glad because this will be the first time he can learn to work through things and not run away or avoid stuff he finds difficult.

    Her discussion started of by CRITISIZING my parenting skills!!!!OMW! There she was...sitting there trying to give me parenting 101....she is currently getting divorced, 10 yr younger than me with no kids! I told her that if she can tell me how to get my son to obay all my rules and requests, I will give her gold! She said that me and husband need to put down some rules and a child needs to realize that this rules can't be broken! Ok...so what....must he be forced to go to therapy?! I told her that I cant force him into the car exct.! And I told her that I am sick and tired of people telling me that my son is ruling us! THEN she asked me if we ever received parent training! Oh my goodness!....Yes for the last 5 yrs! Normal rules that apply to NT doesnt always work with ghg!

    Then she went on compairing my son with other kids of 3 yr old...saying that they are able to come to therapy without their mommy! Not like my son!(That by the way is struggling with seperation anxiety!) Fact is....and I told her so: If my son didn't struggle with all this and I knew how to cope with it...we wouldnt need Occupational Therapist (OT)!

    At the end we came to some agreement and my son agreed to do Occupational Therapist (OT) during schooltime without his mom exct!

    Can you believe this!
     
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    People who are not parents, let along parents of difficult children just don't get it. They never will.

    I'm sorry that this happened.
     
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    People who aren't parents don't understand.
    People who aren't parents of difficult children don't understand.
    Some people who ARE parents of difficult children don't understand, either.

    And ya know what? Criticizing you in front of your son is a HUGE no-no!
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    This is a case of....well true unprofessional conduct. it is fine to discuss concerns, but there is a time and a place. She is not a therapist for parenting skills/not a psychologist or family educator. She has not personal experience and probably actually can NOT wrap her head around the reality you are living.

    I am sorry. I would probably suggest to her supervisor that she attends some classes about parenting a difficult child child so she can have more insite to the issues that are involved with a child who can not be parented in a traditional, behavior-consequence kind of manner.

    Thank you for your thoughts miss Occupational Therapist (OT), please just work on the goals that you are qualified to work on...
     
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) so sorry you have to deal with such a TWIT!

    I'd love to see her come here and force DD1 to PARTICIPATE in therapy.
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Someone needs to get a clue.

    Now.......I can say my kid would (and did) go to therapy whether they wanted to or not, took medications whether they wanted to or not, followed house rules whether they wanted to or not. BUT that doesn't mean I expect every parent to be able to get their child to do the same, especially a difficult child child. Each child is unique in their issues, each family is unique in their relationships, parenting styles, experience ect.

    Gotta say though, I always had to laugh when someone with no kids would tell me how to parent. Swear to God above that never ceases to crack me up. lol
     
  7. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    I agree with buddy, but I would also never take my child to her again. Someone with as little of a clue as she has should not be his Occupational Therapist (OT). Recommending she get more training is a good thing for the next person, but don't let her learn her mistakes on you anymore. She is not qualified.
     
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Find a new Occupational Therapist (OT). Pronto. By speaking in this manner in front of your kid, she's undermining your authority - big no no. SHE is the one who is clueless. If she were a professional, she would be asking to learn more about your son and family dynamics so that SHE may work better with your son by understanding him better.

    I'm not saying you have to be a parent or a parent of a difficult child to be a good professional caregiver, but you do need to be professional and KNOW YOUR PATIENTS/CLIENTS, be open minded and understanding.
     
  9. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    I know I'm going off topic with my own post! BUT, hound dog how, if I may ask, did you manage this!?
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well mine did 2 out of 3 of hound dogs list and most of the following rules. Cory could be tough on the rule following but there were some major rules that he did follow. Never had any violence towards people really. He would fight back if someone attacked him but I think that is fairly normal because I am not talking someone verbally attacking him, I am meaning someone physically jumping him.

    I did have problems with him following normal household rules and managing to stay in school because he wanted to act tough. I truly think lots of that happened because of fact that so many of the kids tormented him when he was little and beat on him to see him go off. Also he wasnt medicated properly for bipolar until he was a teen. Things may have been different if we had known different.
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh,dear. Yet another story of an incompetent do-gooder. Makes me want to strangle people.
    5-yrs of parenting classes and therapy and, "Have you ever taken parenting classes?" Aaarrrggghhhh!
    I am so sorry.
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm surprised you didn't walk out, saying "See ya!"
     
  13. BellJar

    BellJar New Member

    I am so sorry you had to listen to this ignorant ninny. I too know the pain and frustration of people automatically assuming I don't discipline my son or am a lousy parent. What I've figured out is, those people need someone to blame. They are so stuck in this rigid way of thinking 'if you do XYZ, you get XYZ results' and they just can"t seem to comprehend that not every kid is an XYZ kid.

    But it's one thing coming from another parent or well meaning do gooder. It's quite another to hear it from a professional that you are relying on for support. Is she new at her job? She doesn't sound very experienced to me - reminds me of my son's teacher last year. I think it was her first year of teaching. We started him on a behavioral plan and she called me TWO days later to complain how it wasn't working. I had to tell her to give it some time and be consistent. I would continually be amazed at how upset she got with him and so badly wanted to tell her that if she thought Poe was the worst kid she would ever have she might want to change professions.

    Anyway, the Occupational Therapist (OT) doesn't sound like she's too well versed at dealing with challenging kids and I also agree that she was very unprofessional to say those things with your child in the room. Talk about undermining! Is there anyone else he could go to, someone with more experience and that you can feel more comfortable with and supported by?
     
  14. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Actually....she is very good qualified! She is a SI specialist...examens post graduates, exct! BUT...I think her EQ is poor! Sorry for her!

    I thought...ok...let me give this thing a try with her seing my kid alone......there is only 2-3 weeks left for this school term! I listened a bit yesterday after we spoke to her being with my kid and it did sound as if she is trying a bit harder to build a relationship with my son....seems as if she is trying to apply my feedback!

    But, emotionaly I don't trust her...don't know what nonsense remarks she will give my son.....like she already told him yesterday that he must remember that he promised her he will come next week for session and that he will hurt her heart if he doesn't come! OMW!!!!Most propably my son won't even remember about the Occupational Therapist (OT)? Maybe he will? No one will know in what kind of mood he will be? But , like hubby said....let she try all her great trix and see how it goes...

    But what worries me is that I just got that nasty feeling that she is one of those type of people who gets 'nasty' and 'mean' and putting all the blame on others when things doesn't go her way or when my son might become difficult!

    I will just encourage him to talk to me and believe me I do think I will pick up if he is upset!
     
  15. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    To me, this lady was abusing power... certainly abusing her position. You were a captive audience, unable to respond, having to sit there and take it, as it were, because she is the supposed expert. I really don't think it is acceptable to give pronouncements like this, especially in front of the child concerned.
    That said... this kind of thing, to varying degrees, happens all the time and we are not going to be able to change the world. But do hold your own, and stay fast to your knowledge and certainty that you are the real expert on your son.
     
  16. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Above all lessen to that mommy gut.
     
  17. keista

    keista New Member

    !So she may be a difficult child herself!:rofl:

    This thread is reminding me of something DD1's therapist said last week. We're there to help her reduce and manage stress as well as managing conflicts. DD1 doesn't want to participate and won't work on her relaxation techniques at home. Therapist suggested I FORCE her to do them. I think she realized the irony of her suggestion because she did drop the conversation.
     
  18. buddy

    buddy New Member

    :rofl:

    That's pretty good, forcing is really relaxing for sure...... good sign that she caught herself at least
     
  19. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    First thing that popped into my mind was you could give her pointers on how to stay married, suggest she go for couples counseling, ect... Just the mean side of me I guess.

    I wouldn't let her have therapy alone with my son because of the emotional damage she might do to him. If she is willing to talk to you, an adult, like that what would she say to a child?

    Is there anyone else you could take him to? Even if they aren't as highly recommended.
     
  20. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Thanx for listening......

    I'm going to tell my son that we will finish this year.....only 2 sessions left and reassure him that if she makes him feel bad in any way he must tell me...he doesnt have to carry on with her just to feel he pleases her/me!

    Dont know if I mentioned this earlier in my posts....She also snottily remarked that we are bind by contract to give a months notice!!!!!I went through the contracts twice...couldnt find anything of this kind.

    As far as I know it's UNETHICAL to force some one to continue for a month in therapy if they dont want to! Ok so how does this work for example:
    1. Pt doesn't get along with therapist....but oh for therapeutic vallue....you need to carry on for 1 month longer!!!
    2. Pt has resolved his issues....oh no...I need to be sick for 1 month longer!

    Come on....come to think of it, it does feel a teeny weeny bit manipulative or even BLACKMAILISH!
     
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