Young difficult child is putting boundaries on me...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, Dec 6, 2012.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    and teaching me too. Yep, he told me yesterday after Parole Office visit that he would like to go in alone next time. He said he wanted his PO to know that he is responsible for his choices, for the requirements and that he is a man and capable of handling things on his own. Sigh, he had to remind me that he is a Man longer a child.

    He has shared some of what it takes to survive in prison with me...It is SO UGLY. Always having to look over your shoulder, watching what others do how they behave, never appearing weak or vulnerable lest someone take something from you, standing up for yourself quickly. It is a highly abusive place.
    It is hard for me to hear what he has seen from this "side of humanity".

    It has been a VERY busy week so far...Have been to the Parole Office twice to see the Parole Officer, get handed a long list of requirements (and I took notes for Young difficult child), be drug tested (yesterday). Young difficult child also had a 3 hour Orientation in Downtown Dallas yesterday morning. Another next Wednesday along with an "at home visit" from Parole officer next Wednesday. Must also go to Overcomers twice a like AA.

    He is working today with his brother...I will pick him up hopefully at the train station in nearby town around 4:30.
    His wife and kids have been with him every evening for the past 3 nights.

    I went to the casino alone last night after long day. I lost. I came home and young difficult child was asleep in bed with the light was around 10:30. He quickly opened up his eyes when I walked into his room. I asked him if he would like me to turn off the light and he said yes. Maybe it was good that he awoke for a moment and knew he was safe at home in bed.

    husband took young difficult child to work this morning but this afternoon sounded putout that he was making the arrangements for me to pick young difficult child up at the train station. In my defense, I DID text Oldest difficult child to see if he would be able to drop young difficult child off at Train Station in Dallas...but had gotten no response.

    I know husband and I will be tested through this experience of having young difficult child at home. I am the mom...I want young difficult child to be "taken care of" to be comfortable. husband wants young difficult child to "take care of himself".
    I know I am in the wrong to some degree...I must back off and really try hard to not enable, but to allow young difficult child to do for self. It goes against my nature.

    Oh...Young difficult child shared with me some of his "spiritual insights" now. He told me he thought it somewhat pretentions that I write God out as G-d. As though I have a superior relationship or respect for the Almighty.
    SO...I am going to start writing God and Lord in regular terms from now as I could see young difficult child's point.
    He said he DOES believe in a Creator and definitely in Karma...he said he saw people treat others one way one week and then a week or two later saw them get the same treatment back from others.

    I am trying to stay steady and strong.
    It is hard.

    Thank you all again for the support, for all the care, for all the love and prayer.
    My young difficult child is a very special human being. I think he has learned ALOT from his experience in prison and never Never EVER wants to go back!!!

    love you guys,
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LMS, you are such a dear person, I think even with all the struggles facing you, you will do great. We're all behind you 200%, I'm glad young difficult child is stepping up to the plate.........Many, many big hugs for you..........
  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I know it's not easy - hang in there, and don't forget to take care of yourself.
  4. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Great update. I really like how you two are communicating so well. Huge steps forward. Praying it continues and expands.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Phew/Whew! I was beginning to worry about you last night. Can't describe how nice it is to read your positive post this morning. Although it is wonderful to read that he is trying to step up to the plate please keep in mind that you are not naturally assertive so you have to make sure you don't end up in the secondary position in your relationship. He knows you and loves you...but he's always seen you catering to his Dad and to him and to his brother. I'm praying that all goes smoothy and peacefully but with you maintaining your head of household status. Hugs DDD
  6. rita

    rita Member

    One day at a time and living in the moment is how you cope. He is a adult now and hopefully he did learn some life lessons that will help him determine a life path that finds him joy and peace in life. He knows what you want he just needs to determine now what it is he wants. peace