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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 394086" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p>My difficult child is also perfect at school, and I also get the "Your from Mars", confused look when I ask teachers about his behavior. This is difficult child we are talking about of course his behavior is perfect, why would you even ask? Yet at home! Our Dr. stated that just because he could hold it together at school did not mean he could hold it together at home. That the pressure inside needed to blow somewhere. He did say it was a positive sign for the future, that it was a starting place on his developing the skills needed to live in this world. We found that feeding him small pieces of very dark chocolate (70% or higher) did help calm him down, but did not last very long. </p><p></p><p>He has improved 10 fold this last year. This week he has been very very rude and selfish, but no major explosions. The more pressure his is under at school the more he is likely to yell or blame husband and I. Where I do NOT believe our parenting technique is to blame, learning additional skills has helped. Learning how to reflect what he is saying, staying calm and not reacting to his out burst help. One tremendous life saver has been that he joined a sports team. They work him hard, and require good grades. When he comes home he is to tired to fight, he just does his homework and goes to bed. (I love this!) </p><p></p><p>About two years ago we also got a lot of the manipulating parents and authority issues. He deliberately cut his hand, and told the therapist he did it because he wanted to die. She said to take him to the emergency room, he ran away. 30 policemen, one helicopter and two blood hounds later he was on his way to the emergency department. Since he did not want to be admitted when the Dr. came in he started talking and explained in detail all the strategies he was employing and all the reasons he said and did what he did. They were all related to manipulating mom and dad. He ended up spending one week at an outpatient day facility. (worthless place, he only learned about illegal drugs, how to obtain them and very little about anger management. They had no diagnoses, lost his release papers, and never followed up) But he did stop using suicide as a manipulation technique. He replaced it with other strategies. But like yourself we eventually figured it out and they became less effective. Which is what you really need to do. Make sure the manipulation techniques don't work. Put the cameras in place, invited others over. I always give one of his team mates a ride home. The team mate's parents think I do it because I am nice. They don't know I really do it because difficult child is always better behaved when the team mate is in the car.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 394086, member: 6557"] My difficult child is also perfect at school, and I also get the "Your from Mars", confused look when I ask teachers about his behavior. This is difficult child we are talking about of course his behavior is perfect, why would you even ask? Yet at home! Our Dr. stated that just because he could hold it together at school did not mean he could hold it together at home. That the pressure inside needed to blow somewhere. He did say it was a positive sign for the future, that it was a starting place on his developing the skills needed to live in this world. We found that feeding him small pieces of very dark chocolate (70% or higher) did help calm him down, but did not last very long. He has improved 10 fold this last year. This week he has been very very rude and selfish, but no major explosions. The more pressure his is under at school the more he is likely to yell or blame husband and I. Where I do NOT believe our parenting technique is to blame, learning additional skills has helped. Learning how to reflect what he is saying, staying calm and not reacting to his out burst help. One tremendous life saver has been that he joined a sports team. They work him hard, and require good grades. When he comes home he is to tired to fight, he just does his homework and goes to bed. (I love this!) About two years ago we also got a lot of the manipulating parents and authority issues. He deliberately cut his hand, and told the therapist he did it because he wanted to die. She said to take him to the emergency room, he ran away. 30 policemen, one helicopter and two blood hounds later he was on his way to the emergency department. Since he did not want to be admitted when the Dr. came in he started talking and explained in detail all the strategies he was employing and all the reasons he said and did what he did. They were all related to manipulating mom and dad. He ended up spending one week at an outpatient day facility. (worthless place, he only learned about illegal drugs, how to obtain them and very little about anger management. They had no diagnoses, lost his release papers, and never followed up) But he did stop using suicide as a manipulation technique. He replaced it with other strategies. But like yourself we eventually figured it out and they became less effective. Which is what you really need to do. Make sure the manipulation techniques don't work. Put the cameras in place, invited others over. I always give one of his team mates a ride home. The team mate's parents think I do it because I am nice. They don't know I really do it because difficult child is always better behaved when the team mate is in the car. [/QUOTE]
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