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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 552509" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Well, he's home now. The judge who did the arraignment pulled the file to check on restitution owed (apparently they normally don't take those steps during an arraignment so E was lucky) and saw that it had been paid in full, last year before the deadline. According to the attny who called me, the judge commented on "this being ridiculous" and ordered an immediate release with a full dismissal of the whole thing. I had already called sd to inform them of why E was absent today.</p><p></p><p>The detention center said if I didn't come within a few hours, they would be calling dss and filing abandonment charges. While I'm not too worried about dss involvement (I've learned that dss can't take physical custody as long as a kid is under Department of Juvenile Justice supervision- ie, parole or probation), it would monkey with charges against me, E being doG knows where but not nearby, and really koi'ing his school year. So I went to pick him up but refused to sign papers accepting custody/responsibility until the detention supervisor came out and spoke with us, I had confiscated E's cell, E made his decision between further charges and incarceration, a group home, or coming home on my terms not his, and we had "an agreement of terms".</p><p></p><p>Yes, he has come a HUGE way, but we all know, it doesn't meam from Department of Juvenile Justice as a young teen to easy child adult is a straight shot.</p><p></p><p>DDD- I also think there is a direct correlation between the sd issues, lack of current friends/social life, and this sudden "compulsion" to stay on the phone with young men he was incarcerated with lately. Still, I have to be hard-fast on the "zero-tolerance" things- which really wasn't the late-night, compulsive phone usage- it was the way he responded and acted toward me when I told him to stop for the night. That's where it crossed a BIG line. </p><p></p><p>One of the things brought out in our talk with the detention people is that while we can all see his typical teen desire to be independent at his age, if he can't/won't/doesn't let go of the "life" of incarceration, he can't move on to the bigger and better things and it would most likely lead him right back there.</p><p></p><p>PS As we were driving the 2 hours home this afternoon, we got the call from the sd that they would "waive" (LOL- it's state regs) the requirement for an extra course to graduate. So E can graduate around the week he turns 18 if he's so determined to get away from me and start his adult life. He'll have to pay his own way, car insurance and all.....and I'll save the money for his college should he decide to go next fall. Or he can take some classes at a community college. Should he decide that life with me is tolerable for a few more mos, then he can take more college prep classes in HS and graduate with the others in spring and pursue college as the typical teen does.</p><p></p><p>He needs to learn that our choices of what we want aren't that hard to get if we do our part. It's really knowing what you want and making the choices we can live with that's the hard part, in my humble opinion.</p><p></p><p>Funny how all these hours he's spent on the phone and texting young men he was in Department of Juvenile Justice with was worth doing all he did toward me and then, he "got" to spend the wee hours of the morning with another one at the detention center "catching up" since that young man had just been re-incarcerated, too, and E decided "oh Hell NO" he didn't want to stay there.</p><p></p><p>E canblame me for one thing after another all he wants and these stupid (pardon me) immature, inexperienced workers can believe it, but the one thing that has held constant- it's always been over friendship and feeling accepted by peers- which all REAL MH profs said came from his father not being in his life. Such a no-brainer to me and them but such a mountain of complexity to those in the system for some reason.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 552509, member: 3699"] Well, he's home now. The judge who did the arraignment pulled the file to check on restitution owed (apparently they normally don't take those steps during an arraignment so E was lucky) and saw that it had been paid in full, last year before the deadline. According to the attny who called me, the judge commented on "this being ridiculous" and ordered an immediate release with a full dismissal of the whole thing. I had already called sd to inform them of why E was absent today. The detention center said if I didn't come within a few hours, they would be calling dss and filing abandonment charges. While I'm not too worried about dss involvement (I've learned that dss can't take physical custody as long as a kid is under Department of Juvenile Justice supervision- ie, parole or probation), it would monkey with charges against me, E being doG knows where but not nearby, and really koi'ing his school year. So I went to pick him up but refused to sign papers accepting custody/responsibility until the detention supervisor came out and spoke with us, I had confiscated E's cell, E made his decision between further charges and incarceration, a group home, or coming home on my terms not his, and we had "an agreement of terms". Yes, he has come a HUGE way, but we all know, it doesn't meam from Department of Juvenile Justice as a young teen to easy child adult is a straight shot. DDD- I also think there is a direct correlation between the sd issues, lack of current friends/social life, and this sudden "compulsion" to stay on the phone with young men he was incarcerated with lately. Still, I have to be hard-fast on the "zero-tolerance" things- which really wasn't the late-night, compulsive phone usage- it was the way he responded and acted toward me when I told him to stop for the night. That's where it crossed a BIG line. One of the things brought out in our talk with the detention people is that while we can all see his typical teen desire to be independent at his age, if he can't/won't/doesn't let go of the "life" of incarceration, he can't move on to the bigger and better things and it would most likely lead him right back there. PS As we were driving the 2 hours home this afternoon, we got the call from the sd that they would "waive" (LOL- it's state regs) the requirement for an extra course to graduate. So E can graduate around the week he turns 18 if he's so determined to get away from me and start his adult life. He'll have to pay his own way, car insurance and all.....and I'll save the money for his college should he decide to go next fall. Or he can take some classes at a community college. Should he decide that life with me is tolerable for a few more mos, then he can take more college prep classes in HS and graduate with the others in spring and pursue college as the typical teen does. He needs to learn that our choices of what we want aren't that hard to get if we do our part. It's really knowing what you want and making the choices we can live with that's the hard part, in my humble opinion. Funny how all these hours he's spent on the phone and texting young men he was in Department of Juvenile Justice with was worth doing all he did toward me and then, he "got" to spend the wee hours of the morning with another one at the detention center "catching up" since that young man had just been re-incarcerated, too, and E decided "oh Hell NO" he didn't want to stay there. E canblame me for one thing after another all he wants and these stupid (pardon me) immature, inexperienced workers can believe it, but the one thing that has held constant- it's always been over friendship and feeling accepted by peers- which all REAL MH profs said came from his father not being in his life. Such a no-brainer to me and them but such a mountain of complexity to those in the system for some reason. [/QUOTE]
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