Caretaker Fatigue?

[tawnya]

I know we are all here because we have GsFG, but I am talking about older/other family members.

I also know there are many on this board that are in the same situation as I am.

I am just sooooo tired of taking care of all of the rest of my family that I could scream. Well, I have actually.

I should go back. My dear mom died almost a year ago. She was one of my best friends in the world. She did most of this "care taking", so I promised her I would take care of things when she passed.

My dear dad didn't even know how to write a check, so now I am paying his bills. Not a big deal in and of itself.

My grandparents are still alive and in their 80's. My pop is in the nursing home, and my mam is still living at home, but mostly crippled. She can live by herself, but I have to get her groceries, etc. I take her every day to see my pop.

Then, we lost my mom's oldest brother withing nine months of her death.

My MIL has either Alzheimers or something...at the very least it is dementia. For that I am certain. My sister in law is in a group home (very small with only six "girls"), because she was being very violent to said MIL. SIL is 54, but has had many problems since birth. MIL won't go to the doc and DH just puts his head in the sand about the whole thing.

GFG is still doing stupid things, etc. etc. etc.

It is making me so tired I can't hardly see. There is no respite because no one else in the family gives a big.....care.

I'm still trying to work, too. We have a little truck farm (produce) that we try to run and get by with, but I'm behind on that, too.

I've looked into adult care and other avenues for help, but it just doesn't seem to be working.

Sometimes I think this is just so much harder than dealing with a GFG. BUT, then again she has been out of the house for a long time now. Maybe my brain has just erased the worst parts of the GFG.

I have never liked the "buzz" words, but I really do believe that caretaker fatigue is true to form.

I feel for all of you here doing the same thing. Sometimes it is just too hard to respond to your threads, and for that I am sorry.

I'll keep going because I promised my mom and everyone counts on me, but it really gets me down sometimes.

Thanks for listenening.

tawnya

[KTMom91]

Wish I had some answers for you, tawnya. Sending many hugs and some extra strength to get through.

[GoingNorth]

I experienced this with taking care of DH and trying to continue working. Caretaking is ****ed hard work, even if you only have one person to care for.

[muttmeister]

I don't really think of myself as a caretaker but I guess I am and maybe that is why I've been a little irritable lately.
My mother is 95 and is amazing for her age but she doesn't drive anymore so I have to take her to doctor's appointments, hair appointments, etc. I balance her checkbook and clean her apartment. I try to keep track of appointments, bills due, etc. as she is getting a little forgetful. I'm an only child so I have no brothers or sisters to rely on for help.

On top of that, my younger son lives around the corner from me with his wife and three kids, ages 5, 4, and 1 1/2. Daughter in law broke her right arm and left leg before Easter so I have been doing their dishes, cooking their supper every night, babysitting (not my favorite thing), driving them everywhere (he lost his license and she can't drive in her condidtion), and doing whatever else needs to be done.

I try to remember that my mother looked after me for a lot of years and I will certainly miss her when she's gone. And I shouldn't have had kids if I didn't want to help them when they needed help, but sometimes it all gets to be a little much.

I don't have any answers to the problem but I sure do understand what you're saying and I can sympathize.

I thought that when I retired I'd have some time to do the things I enjoy but right now I feel like I'm running the rat race and the rats are winning.

[crazymama30]

Tawnya, I so can sympathize with this. On top of gfg I have dh, and help with my grandfather quite a bit too. I have found that every few weeks, at least once a month, I have to have a me day. If I don't, I cannot help anyone else. It is hard, and I think being popular and needed is way way over rated. I would love it if no one needed me for a month.

[Wiped Out]

Hugs-I have no doubt caretaker fatigue is real. Wish there was a way to ease your load-it's way too heavy.

[Dammit Janet]

Caretaker Fatigue is real, no doubt about it. I remember when I was taking care of my mother on top of my kids and trying to deal with my issues and attempting to work. Couldnt handle it at all. Work fell first, then my health fell apart, then about the last year of my mom's life she got too hard for me to handle so she went into a nursing home. It was hard.

Look up places like the division of aging or simply call social services and ask them who to call, they should know. There is help out there to get you help. You dont have to do everything.

[tawnya]

Thanks for listening ladies.

Sometimes I just get so tired, but other days I'm back with my A Game.

I just love them all so much, and like Mutt said, I keep feeling like I owe them for all the things they've always done for me.

As an aside, MIL wrecked her car into DH's truck this afternoon, so....here we go again. LOL

Thanks again for your support.

tawnya

[Marcie Mac]

Have been stressing out over my mother who is comming to stay, now isn't, now is - been months where I have ben researching what she will need, lining up doctors, what I will need, who I will have to get stuff from. . Now SO's mon may have to come out as she can no longer live on her own - luckly I have all the researched information for him

You may want to check out caring.com - they are a wealth of information for elderly care.

I sympathize - no one is actually "here" yet and its stressful just "thinking" about stuff I ill have to do

Marcie

[tawnya]

You know one thing that really, really bothers me is that I DO have family around...in the same city. A brother, a sister, and an uncle ( who makes sure everyone knows that he has power of attorney ), cousins, etc. DH has older children who could help with MIL.

One would think that maybe just ONE DAY someone would help. I've seen enough from friends that this doesn't usually happen. Once you do something, it is now your job. One of those "no good deed goes unpunished" things. There is usually one "kid" that takes care of things. And, actually, that's fine with me, but sometimes I just need a break.

We've tried the "elder care" and every time they have "fired" the person/nurse within hours.

For some reason I just can't let the ball drop. I can detach from GFG, but not my dad and grandma and pop.

Lord help me, LOL.

Thanks again for the support.

tawnya