New Jersey....thinking of you, sending hugs and prayers your way....reaching to....
New Jersey....thinking of you, sending hugs and prayers your way....reaching to....
GFG-age 24, doing well
PC-age 20 boy, student
PC -age 18 boy depression, I walk on eggshells day and night
Thank you all so much. Those that know of the court situation with my father, yesterday finally was his sentencing hearing. In many ways the day was a nightmare. Starting with catching a middle of the night bus with S/O to hear up north for court and unbelievably my father was on the bus!!!! Fortunately we had no idea until we arrived and got off
The bus four hours later. My aunt was waiting for the bus and as she was hugging me she froze and cursed and said omg look who was on the bus. Turned around and he was directly behind us, at which point he stared us down in a way that had us leave in my aunts truck shaking like crazy.
From there on, the day went downhill. The redneck court was housed in a college of all places. He proceeded to place himself in our path over and over very intentionally. This case was
Meant to be dealt with first however judge decided after reviewing the file that she would attend all other matters for others appearing first, as to ensure privacy for this case. Here criminal courts are open and anybody can be in attendance. But we weren't told so we wandered fleeing his stalkerish behavior all day. Let's just say it was a massive mess, highly unprofessional and in any other normal court district would never have been handled this way. We were finally brought in about 4 pm for the hearing.
I wasn't expecting all of the facts to be read by the crown attorney for each charge, because it was all guilty pleas. All facts for every charge were read in detail. I didn't know a lot of facts regarding other victims so between my aunt, S/O and I, we sure used a lot of Kleenex. S\O never knew the minute details of myself and hearing them has sent him for a loop. He however remained true to character and supportive at every step. My rock and I'll never be able to tell him what that meant for me.
All victims submitted impact statements however only my aunt and I attended. The judge read the other statements privately. I read mine aloud and learned later that the court stenographer, a female court officer, the investigating officer as well as
the judge all teared up at a few parts of my statement. After all was done the crown attorney told me that he has heard so many impact statements in court but said that what I read was by far the best written one he had ever heard read in court. That choked me up. My aunt Bonnie's broke my heart. She had a victim supper staff from crown attorneys office read hers as she was unable to speak. We just clung hands and wiped each others tears. She is a hell of a strong woman.
The piece of dung stood three separate times and spoke. Once turned to face me and apologize the most rote, unaffected emotionless words. I stated him straight back and showed nothing but refused to look away. As he finished I just thought what a crock. He did the same later on to my aunt. Then finally he at the end spoke to the judge spewing how the past two years he has been in hell, that he was wearing long sleeves on the hot day to cover the cuts from harming himself. The judge didn't appreciate the display of victim in him and told him so in not quite those words. She also stated he is in no way capable of rehabilitation. She denounced him clearly and in detail. Made me cry with the sensitivity and understanding of the effect of his life on all of us. Spoke of the duty of "father" and the life sentence he imposed on me. I also learned he had a panel cut in his closet to spy into my bedroom, which I had shared with my step sister, also a victim.
We watched him be handcuffed and led out a side door direct to a corrections transport vehicle. He will spend about two weeks at a fairly not nice facility for assessment and classification. The judge made clear all time will be served in a maximum security penetentiary. I have since learned he will be moved after that two weeks to Millhaven Penetentiary where some very notorious criminals are held within the administrative segregation unit, which is where he will be placed. He will be criminally famous company, with lifers with nothing to lose, going in as the worst type of offender as viewed by other inmates.
If he survives his sentence , he will be on house arrest for a period after release. He has submitted his DNA and is now a registered sex offender for life with restrictions a arm long. He will be required to never move without alerting local police to his address and he must inform any potential employers. He is very unhealthy and weak and frail. I suspect penetentiary time will likely limit likelihood that he will see freedom again despite only being sentenced to four years.
After he was taken to transport, we spoke for a while with the crown attorney and my aunt brought S/O and I to a hotel we had as a place to go unwind and she headed home to her town. It was by then nearly 7. The arresting officer, who has become a friend, texted and invited S\O and I out for dinner with her and her family. Her husband is the head of that police department. She has two beautiful little boys. We had a nice meal and I snuck off to pay the tab. She was meaning to treat us but it felt a small way to thank her for her incredible committment to myself and other victims. We have decided to stay in touch and I believe have become lifelong friends.
It's over. Im a bit in shock about it all finally ending.
Major (((((hugs))))). You are such a STRONG person!
Me- Bipolar I, SAHM
GFG1- 19 y/o DD - Moved away to college
GFG2 - 17 y/o DS - High Functioning Autism, severe hearing loss
You are amazing to me. Big gentle hugs for you, SO, your aunt, your entire family - go decompress.
Used to be JoG
Me (Jo, 50) Trying to hold a positive thought. Asthmatic, left knee replacement; celebrex, Prozac, Supplements.
DH (P, 51) Good guy; sober 6 yrs; vitamins.
DD (PC) J 25: Doing really well! Lives at home.
DD (GFG/PC) G 23: Sleeper~Engaged/Lives with bf (E). Wedding: 8/25/13.
Bio-dad(exH): Communicates with his dds directly, which I love...☺
"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep it
in your own."
Oh i am so glad this book has ended, cant call it a chapter. Start writin you new novel now! You are amazingly strong for sure. Super hugs coming your way.
Me-44 Newlywed (still)! - Moderator in General Forum
DH - Married 9/11/10! Been together for 10 years
Ex-GFG - 21 y o - dx effective 1/14/04 - ADHD, Tourettes, OCD - starting Adderall XR - IEP 2/26/04. Lived with biodad for one year. With me full time now. Graduated 6/26/09! Working! Living on her own!
Scrappy - the cutest kitty in the world. He fetches!
Harpo - boy kitty - total snuggler!
Bella - girl - GFG kitty! Hyper!
((((hugs)))) You are an incredibly strong woman.
dh of 20 years-don't know what I'd do without him
gfg 15 years-old son adopted at birth-premature by 3 months-birth mother use crack,-bipolar, ADHD, Cognitive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Severe dyslexia taking clazapine, loxapine, gabapentin, clonidine during the day for help with ADHD symptoms.
pc/gfg 19 year-old daughter, also adopted, taking generic of Welbutrin for depression and Risperdal (sp?).
Sending gentle (((hugs))) and the hope that you and the other victims can truly heal now.
GFG: "Duckie" beautiful 12 yr old. Infant reflux until 14 mos, demanding & difficult. 6th grader Sept 2012. MIDDLE SCHOOLER! Mathematician, Dancer, Actress, Violist, Singer. Allergic personality. SPD. Carries an epipen. Asthma.
"Neighbors bring food with death, and flowers with sickness, and little things in between. Boo was our neighbor. He gave us two soap dolls, a broken watch and chain, a knife, and our lives."
Scout, To Kill A Mockingbird
Thank you everyone. I haven't had time to come back to the board with court , then immediately moving and settling into the new place, court with PC's dad and meeting her court appointed children's lawyer. Finally the past few days I have been unable to use the board using my iPhone. I discovered the iPhone app and am glad to be back on the board. I wanted to extend sincere gratitude to you all now that I'm back to breathing somewhat normally. I can't thank you all enough for the support throughout all of this. It has meant so much.
I'm sort of still numb perhaps. I have a feeling of it not really having ended. I don't know why. It is done. And I sure am grateful for that. Yet although I cried in the hearing I didn't shed a tear afterward. Frankly partly I was so busy moving the next days after court and then settling and unpacking and dealing with pc. But really I just haven't given it all much thought. Now that we are unpacked my body is carping out on me, MS flaring and as of yesterday wondering if I've run down my immune system. Feel I'm getting a flu or something on top of my body issues. So forced to slow down, I suppose it's logical thoughts are just now finally popping into my head about the entire thing.
I'm grateful for the closure. I'm grateful for the knowledge he is in the penitentiary. I'm grateful I found strength to read my statement in court. I'm grateful my aunt was with me and we could support each other. And as ever I'm blessed with my S/O and incredibly grateful he was beside me.
Strange thoughts come to me. I wish they wouldn't. I'll be cooking and then think "bet the sob isn't eating well tonight". I'll be in the shower and I'll think no private showers for the sob. My new house has open closets. No doors. I find myself grateful that they are open and visible. As if suddenly I realize it was a method to watch me and I now can't handle anything hidden in the closets. Oddly, S-O reminded me how over the years I'd beg him to shut closet doors and freak out. I'd forgotten about that. I wonder if I had known about the closet spying and buried it somewhere. Turns out my aunt also had issues with closer doors. Truly weird.
I get mean thoughts too. Like wondering if he is cell mates with a total maniac. Hoping his bad back and shoulder are terrible on his new solid slab bunk with only a thin mattress. Hoping his new home away from home terrifies him and causes him lost sleep due to fear. Sort of payback for the years spent terrified to close my eyes.
I don't want to think this way anymore. I just want to move on. I know it's coming. Heck I'm more than half way there. I will just be grateful when it's all truly behind me psychologically of that makes sense. I'm truly ready to want to not look back. At least until a parole hearing in a few years. I will be attending that to advocate no early release.
Anyhow, thank you all again so much for all the support, prayers, beads, juju, hugs and love. I felt it all and it helped incredibly.
As for writing that book, I'm contemplating some writing when pc heads back to school
After summer holidays. Never thought I'd really do it, maybe I won't be able to, but I'm thinking at this stage that it something I would like to do.
As for all of you, so many posts to get caught up on. And so many serious medical issues I see posted from members. Please know to all of you that I'm praying for you all too and sending out healing juju in droves. I'm incredibly saddened by some of your plights and hope to be around more now for support of others.
Me - 38 years old
GFG (now known as former-GFG) - nearly 20!!, moved cross country in April 2011, maturing into the man I have dreamed for him to be, a old soul
PC - 13/yrs old, morphing into young lady, witty, insightful, grounded, stuggling with anxiety and panic attacks
S/O - 41 years old, best friend, a pillar, together 8 years
You are an amazing woman. You,yor aunt,and all of his victims deserve to have the best life possible.
Me: Retired spec ed. teacher, divorced mother of 3
Pc#1: 34 married 2 kids, teaches and my lifeline
PC/former GFG #2: 32 did not learn to read until 18, struggled, just graduated and is an RN, 1 child
GFG #3: 15, borderline mr, bipolar, depression, generalized anxiety disorder, never stable on any of the meds., 15 hospitalizations
Thanks for the update. I would imagine the thoughts you are having now are to be expected. So much of your life was impacted by the abuse that logically the healing process is likely to take years. I'm hoping that slowly but surely you will be able to go days, then weeks, then months and finally years w/o having a flash from the past.
I didn't remember that you had your wedding coming up this year too. That should be a marvelous new focus for the life you have crafted for the future. I'm happy for you. DDD
DH & I have raised our 25 yr.old grandson. At 14 he turned to pot & booze to cope with problems. He's a GFG#1. In 2005 he fell off a balcony, had brain surgery and has TBI effects. His recovery is very stressful. Time will tell if he ends up GFG or PC. Our GFG#2 is 21 and now lives with his GFGmom. He's ADHD, AS, BP plus. DH and I have 6 children and 11 grands. Yikes!