I need your prayers more than I ever have

[mattsmom27]

Hi everyone. Once again I am turning to you all for some prayers and uplifting positive vibes or whatever else is in your arsenal. I am letting this out here because I don't have anywhere else to turn to for it, without confiding to real life people what I'm not able to confide in them.
I mentioned earlier this week about stress hives etc without saying what caused it. This is hard for me to put here but god I really just need some sort of encouragement that somehow I'm going to feel better and be okay.
Last week I went out of town with a friend. She put us in a very bad situation and left me there alone in it. I ended up being sexually attacked, although I fought back and the small blessing is that while I couldn't avoid being violated, I wasn't fully raped. I have seen my doctor and am on a arsenal of meds. My hives arne't worse, but no better. I did intake today at the local sexual assault center and have a first therapy session schedules for Tuesday, which quite frankly I wish was tomorrow, but I'm hanging in there.
I feel very alone as my family all suck and are so vacant and not in my life. I have no real close friends so that is out. I am really counting on therapy to help me and although I am proud I went to the doc and dumped it all on him and asked for the referall, I am scared of the process and don't know how to begin to heal. I am a rape survivor from when I was 15 and held by someone in a hotel for 5 days of abuse. 17 years later I am still not fully healed. This has sent me spiralling and undid so much work I'd done through the years.
I know intellectually things will get easier and I will feel better, but today just sucks and I'm really needing somebody else to send the word to the man upstairs that enough is enough right now, that I can't take anymore.
I can't even believe I am sharing this here on the board, but a week after all of this, I am still sitting in this state and I know I have to do something about letting it out somehow, just even saying it through typing to strangers is better than it hiding like some dirty secret inside.
I have to find a way to stop crying. I have crushed/damaged cartilage in the tip of my nose and blowing sucks!
Melissa

[susiequte]

I am so sorry for what you are going through! I will keep you in my prayers and send good vibes your way. There is lots of support here, so check in often. Your are not alone in your experiences...many of us have gone through bad experiences like those that you mentioned. (Yeah, me included!) God Bless!!
Susiequte

[susiequte]

I am so sorry for what you are going through! I will keep you in my prayers and send good vibes your way. There is lots of support here, so check in often. Your are not alone in your experiences...many of us have gone through bad experiences like those that you mentioned. (Yeah, me included!) God Bless!!
Susiequte

[Big Bad Kitty]

Melissa,
I can't even tell you how sorry I am. How I wish I could be there to fold you into a hug and let you cry on my shoulder. Prayers...lots of them...being sent your way. May God's loving arms comfort you at this trying and scary time in your life.

I'm glad you shared. You have friends and support here. Hugs, vibes, beads, candles, lots of prayers your way...

[flutterbee]

Oh, honey. Lots and lots of love coming to you from Ohio. I'm so glad you are seeking out support - both here and with the therapists. You're in our protective circle. Lean on us as hard as you need to.

[mattsmom27]

Thank you all. It is after 3a.m. here and I am still sitting awake. I did talk to my cousin online tonight (one of the few family members who don't suck!) and finally confided in her. It felt good to talk to someone about it, although we didn't go into detail, I just let out some of how I was feeling and felt listened to and heard. I am really stuck in this mindset of don't think about it and it'll just not be so bad. Kind of like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. I had to ask myself tonight "how's that working for ya" and the resounding answer was it is not. I am afraid to contemplate the state I'd be without meds the doc ordered when I went to see him.
My thoughts aren't rational in terms of being in perspective. I am absurdly bitterly angry about the damaged cartilage in my nose. I seem to be focused on the tip of my stupid nose and ignoring the ramnifications of this whole thing emotionally. I know that it is natural to react oddly after something like this, but after a week has passed, I can't believe that I am obsessing about my stupid nose!!! I have also washed every wall in my living room, kitchen and bathroom including dusting the ceilings of all things!
I have a number from the assault center that I can call 24/7 if I need to talk to someone, but I haven't called it. I am trying to hang in there for my appointment Tuesday. I do however have it in my pocket at all times just in case. Somehow that helps.
Thank you all again, internet anonymity is sometimes a real blessing!

[Dammit Janet]

Oh Melissa...Im so sorry honey.

As you are probably aware I know too well what you are going through. Im glad you are getting to the appt on tuesday. Somehow you will get through this because there simply is no other choice. It sure isnt easy though. I am here if you need to talk.

[LittleDudesMom]

Melissa,

I am so sorry that you were attacked and that is has brought back memories from years ago.

You shouldn't have to go through this alone. Call that number if you need the human contact/voice.

You will definately be in my prayers.

Sharon

[WhymeMom?]

<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Melissa,
I am saying prayers for you. Don't hesitate to call the number you have in your pocket. You don't have to face this alone. I commend you for taking the first step and finding help...can be really difficult and you did it! It would be great to live in a world where this did not happen...

Thinking of you...check back here, cause we sure can listen...</span>

[On_Call]

I am so, so sorry this has happened to you.

Adding my prayers, good vibes, hugs and support.

I think you are making a good first step in reaching out for the help that is available. Make the call if you cannot wait for the scheduled appointment.