my very tragic gfg/bipolar mother

[witzend]

So much of what you say about your mother rings true for DH's mother. Your mom seems less paranoid, though, so at least she has that. (Not much.) I'm sorry that you got snookered into lunch with her. I'm sure that PC meant well.

I went through the same with my mom about 6 - 7 years ago - making contact because L had guilted me into it. It was beneficial in that I can look back and know with absolute certainty that cutting contact was the right thing to do. Of course, it made me feel bad at the time, and I wish I had not subjected myself to such a difficult lesson - I did not need a remedial course. But a lesson learned is never wasted. I hope that Matt and PC are learning as well.

DH's mom is "hosting" M and his girlfriend at this point. She is also without teeth. It took M months to figure out why she wouldn't eat good food. We told him to make an appointment for her at the Dental School and make sure that she gets there. (This is what DH did for her in the day. He paid her bills in PDX from NJ when he was in college, among other things.) She's to the point that she needs to have them all pulled. She can't chew anything. But in your case, none of you are sleeping in your mother's house, so none of you owe that to her.

That's the difference between what my M is doing and what you and your family is doing. M owes his grandma for the roof over his head - I'm humiliated that he's there, from afar. None of you owe your mother a thing. Where she is at is a sad thing, and there but for the grace of God go I. I hope that when I am old and should I ever be alone that I will not isolate myself as your mother has. Her isolation is hers. She must own it.

[tiredmommy]

I understand. I had a small measure of relief when my mother died from lung cancer a few years back. That sounds cold, I know, but it was a better way to die than finding her murdered while living under a bridge. And her lifestyle and choices put her in harm's way so often...

[upallnight]

I agree with the others, she created her own reality. If people don't talk to her....she created that as well, don't feel bad.

[MidwestMom]

I was wondering if she is getting dementia. Which "magic pill" does she think is helping her and why would she keep being prescribed this pill if it isn't helping her? sometimes doctors scare me!!! Even when it comes to adults, so often they throw anything at the client just to shut them up!

Hugs to you!!!

[recoveringenabler]

I'm sorry your family members throw their judgments at you, I agree with another poster, that it's their own judgments about themselves and their lack of support for your mother that gets twisted into blame. I'm glad you managed the day so well so it served you and YOUR immediate family, that was a smart move. You've done quite a remarkable job in moving beyond your mother's mental illness and into your own life, you deserve to have a life free of the long reaching arm of mental issues and find your own happiness.

I understand all of what you are saying from so many different angles, it was painful to read it. My daughter will end up like your mother if she doesn't make changes in her life now, she has many of the same traits and, as we know, the illness is progressive. I took my granddaughter out of a very unhealthy environment living with my daughter and thankfully, she won't be writing your post someday. My father lived on the periphery of your mothers world, never quite falling off the cliff but exhibiting similar creepy behaviors which were so difficult to deal with as a child. Now my sister and brother live in that world, but gratefully, they have no kids. Sometimes it feels as if my granddaughter and I are the sole survivors of the sinking ship called mental illness.

I have much empathy and compassion for you and what it takes to live among those lost and disturbed family members and escape that reality yourself. You've done everything you can do for your mother, as I have for my daughter, and now it's time for you to go have your life and leave her in G-d's hands. Those judgmental relatives don't get it, but we do. Gentle hugs coming to you, and lots of warm wishes for a lovely, engaging time with your son and your family.

[JJJ]

If you call SSI and let them know that she is giving away all her money, you may be able to get them to appoint an institutional rep payee. At least that would ensure her rent is paid each month.

[Rabbit]

Sending U hugs and sending prayers up. Rabbit

[TerryJ2]

Good ideas about Social Svcs and Soc Security and finances. Hadn't thought of that. That would also keep the family out of it.