Opinions, please

[Shari]

Thanks for the input. I really have to find a way in my own heart and head to deal with this, but so far, I've failed.

It would be easier if this wasn't the nephew that could do no wrong in Two Brooms' eyes, yet broke into our house to smoke his dope while skipping school, left his porn in our VCR, and who told the owner of the van he hit while he was drunk at a wedding that his name was pc1.

I want to forgive and forget, but its just eluding me in this situation...I'm just so dang...angry...with them.

To add to it, Two Brooms told DH last week that she ran into DEX and his girlfriend at the restaraunt we go to in town. Two Brooms told DH they wouldn't speak to her.

We went to that restaraunt last night to eat. The owner, a good friend, came right over to tell DH and I that DEX and scarecrow came in last week to eat, and that two brooms and the girlfriend sat together for a good long while, chit-chatting. She was concerned because she has picked up on how Two Brooms treats me.

Which doesn't make my holiday feelings any better...two brooms used to run straight to gfg1's bio mom's family with info about him...GoD forbid she does that with wee gfg.

I'm gonna talk to DH. Thanks.

[mrscatinthehat]

Good luck. Go with your heart on this.

[hearts and roses]

Well, here is another vote for making your own traditions and memories for your family unit.

It's not about someone going into the service, it's not about forgiving and forgetting, it's not about appeasing anyone and everyone else by compromising or not compromising your own wishes for a home grown family Christmas.

It's about your vision of how you would like to spend your holiday - whether you ignore it altogether or if you want to stay at home and share that special happy day with just your family. Go with your heart and make the holiday what you want it to be and let everyone else do their own thing.

IF you want to extend an open invitation for an "open house" of sorts, say, the weekend before Christmas so everyone can spend the dinner hour together, to say goodbye to the serviceman or to exchange gifts, then do it. Otherwise, don't.

We enjoy spending Christmas day at home, we open gifts, we have a nice big breakfast, go to a movie and then chill and nosh on leftovers. I usually host an open house for family and friends the weekend before Christmas, but sometimes I don't. It all depends on how I feel and where the day lands.

Hugs - your situation just sounds too difficult a time to me and it's time you and H took a stand together and made the right choice for your family.

[Star*]

Dear Sweet Shari.....

I thought Halloween was over....

Tell her she's HAD her holiday -
You want YOURS.....

The end.

Enjoy Christmas the way you want to.....

[Dammit Janet]

Oh gosh...that nephew!

Ick. Like I said...he needs to remember his parents, not you while he is away. He isnt going to be yearning for aunt shari while sitting on his bunk...lol. You may get a passing thought.

I like Jo's idea of having an open house the week before if it suits you. Only if. I dont know if I would want that whole crazy bunch there though. Maybe meet at McDonalds? LOL.

[trinityroyal]

Shari,

Given the nuttiness of Scarecrow, I would be very concerned if Two Brooms is "chit chatting" with her. Does she have enough information about wee GFG that she could say anything damaging to him? Or that simply having a back door conduit for information about him might feed Scarecrow's desire to make him a part of her family?

Honestly, these people sound beyond toxic. If you need to create a holiday tradition that doesn't make reference to them simply for your peace of mind I say go for it.

(And I still think you need to look into some sort of restraining order to keep the crazy scarecrow away from your little GFG)

Trinity

[DaisyFace]

Shari--

You know in your heart what is best for you and your children....but you are letting guilt get in the way of making that choice. You don't need anyone's permission to give your family a warm, loving and happy holiday, so don't look for permission. You will also never be able to convince anyone else that they should treat your kids better--so don't bother asking.

You go, Mom! You give your kids the holiday they deserve. And unless you are really angry with them, the "holiday they deserve" is probably not happening at Two Brooms' house.

Schedule the holiday around YOUR needs for a change...

You will probably enjoy it more.

--Daisyface

[Shari]

Yeah, its that nephew. I told him after the van incident that I have nothing to say to him until he apologizes and owns up to his actions. So far, that hasn't happened. He is NOT comfortable with me in the same room as him. His presence doesn't bother me, but I sure bother him.

Newphew's mom (SIL) informed me yesterday morning, too, that DH and I really hurt her by continuing a relationship with her ex. I apologized for our decisions hurting her, but we made them based on what we thought was best for the kids, not based on what would or wouldn't hurt her. Heck, I am still very close to ex'es family - why would I dis hers?

But anyway, she doesn't "get" it, either. Her ex'es daughter was raised with pc2 and lives near us - we weren't cutting that tie. And her son is the same age as my two big boys - pot, skipping school, and driving drunk was ok at her house - she knew about it and was fine with it - how the heck do I keep a great relationship with her while not condoning that behavior in the eyes of my teenage sons??? She doesn't get it. Still doesn't. She said it hurt her, and that's all that should have mattered. So now that wound is good and opened again, too. YEAH!!!! (getting better all the time, I tell ya!)

Trinity, you think along the same lines I do. I am concerned that scarecrow will utilize this new-found path of info. Fortunately, I keep my distance from Two Brooms, anyway, so she gets very little info about him from me - but that wouldn't stop her from passing on what she thinks she knows, the bulk of which is that I'm the only problem wee gfg has.

When gfg1 decided not to invite his bio-mom and her family to his high school graduation, Two Brooms went straight to them to tell them when it was and where and that gfg1 wasn't inviting them, but she was. The last thing we need is those two in cahoots. I keep wee gfg away from Two Brooms about as adamantly as I'll keep him from scarecrow, so there's not much "real" damage she can do...but she's not above stirring the pot and spouting off at the mouth, and lord knows that can do enough damage, real info, or not.

[tiredmommy]

Shari,

Have you ever thought of moving far away? Just thinkin'.

[Shari]

Yeah. Alaska.

I told my friend last night that if something does occur between Two Brooms and scarecrow, I may well pack up and leave and Two Brooms can have her precious little family back without the complication of me being around.

I don't have the emotional energy to waste on that combination of BS, if it happens. We'll see.