For those who aren't tired of this, here is an update and some interesting (and infuriating) info I found out about Jumper and J's relationship. This is kind of a rant and probably not well written, but it's therapeutic. I am really upset with myself.
First of all, Jumper had a friend over the other day and the friend was talking about how Jumper hadn't really hung out with her much during their sophomore year (they had once been close). Jumper said she hadn't hung out with anyone last year (I hadn't known that) because of J. She said she would fight with him half the night almost every night, with him accusing her of cheating (she never did) and then go to school tired and depressed. It's a miracle that her grades actually improved. Nothing else did. She's a great athlete, but she used to fight with J. before games and then not even care about the game. This was especially noticeable during basketball. A few times she was crying on the bench. She said she fouled out once on purpose just to be able to go to locker room and get ready to go home. He would often pick fights right before her games. When they were together they didn't fight that much, but they were texting a lot more than they were together. In fact, they texted morning to night, constantly. I hadn't known the extent of it. Jumper realizes she destroyed her sophomore year and lost her friends for J. She said, "I make fun of girls who give up their lives for a guy, but I did the same thing. I will never do it again."
Jumper is not interested in dating right now, not after J. He was very verbally abusive to her and still is (yes, he still texts her and it infuriates me). i just found out he was still texting her while talking to her and her friend. Anyhow, Jumper told me, when I brought up that abusive men tend to get jealous and try to isolate their wives, that J. could turn out to be an abuser. He never hit her, but she believes he could hit somebody if he lived with her because "when he gets angry, he can't control himself." Jumper is just now starting to hang out with her friends again. What makes me sad is that I know she still has feelings for J. Thank the Good Lord that he is now in Indiana. Not that he'd date her again...but I like him far, far away.
I didn't know that he made her cry at prom. That he wouldn't even talk to her friends because he didn't like any of them. That he was abusing her. I never would have helped him if I'd known. Jumper learned a hard lesson for a fifteen year old. Thankfully, they really never did have sex and he isn't into drugs or drinking...that never went on. That's the only positives...plus the lessons it taught Jumper.
Jumper has a basketball teammate who is dating a boy who is similar to J. He won't "allow" her to speak to or look at other boys. They ARE intimate. This girl is pretty much not allowed to do anything or he told her "we're done if I don't find you at home." He's at college now and checks up on her. The sad thing is, her mother, like I used to believe, thinks her daughter has a GREAT relationship with this boy and she LOVES him. In fact, she allows him to stay overnight and have sex with her sixteen year old daughter under her roof. It doesn't bother her. His mother loves HER too and they are going to bring her to visit their son at college when they go. I want to tell her the truth, but I can't. That would trace the source right back to Jumper.
I really wonder how level-headed girls, like mine, can get so involved with a guy that she will do anything he says. Jumper is NOT the submissive, compliant type! I guess J being older than her was a factor (15 and 18). As for her basketball teammate, her boyfriend sounds just as bad.
Well, my heart is broken for Jumper, but school starts soon and she's busy...volleyball, student council, hopefully making it right with the friends she ignored last year. OH YEAH! Even though J isn't dating Jumper anymore, he STILL calls her out when she posts about a boy on her FB or when a boy posts to her. Can you BELIEVE it???
Ok, that's the update and a vent. Hopefully some girl will get ahold of him at school and he'll turn his obsession on her and leave my daughter alone. Let a girl his own age deal with him. I just want him to leave Jumper alone. Remember how worried I was about J and his mental health issues? I guess I wasted my time worrying about him. He isn't a very nice person, after all.